Farmer Wants a Wife Wk 2

Generally, the farmers seem a decent bunch of blokes. Perhaps one or two of the girls are in it for the fame but it’s certainly not MAFS-level casting.

I enjoy watching a show where the only duck lips ot on actual ducks.
FWAW screens on Seven Sun, Mon and Tues.


Farmer Wants a Wife starts

The FWAW reboot starts tomorrow (Sun) at 7pm on a Seven.

It has a decent track record for some of its farmers finding true love so fingers crossed this season will be the same. You can read a “where are they now?”

Will you be watching?


Farmer Wants a Wife – more post-show chat

The other Farmer thread was getting a bit long for those on mobile devices, so here’s a new one.

Since this series has not ended in bliss for many participating, here’s a link to reminders of the show’s past successes.


Farmer a Wants a Wife – Mar 14

It’s the end of the road for what’s been a pretty flat season of FWAW. Might be time to give it a year off and ponder casting options.
Guest recapper Daisy will give those of us who were watching MKR instead the lowdown once the show airs in WA (thank you!). In the meantime, here are some non-spoilerish tweets.

We have already arrived at the finale. Have the producers fast forwarded the show this year? In previous years, I seem to recall, city visits took up a whole episode. Anyhow, after 10 days farmstay, the farmers each farewell their girls and then take some time alone to consider their verdict (if that rings a bell, you are as old as I am). Remote Pilbarra “Chopper Charmer” (not sure which choppers they mean) is putting on a brave face, and once again, he chokes up with emotion. Julz is rapt in Melanie, so that’s a done deal, although, according to Alex, he is punching above his weight.

Now it’s reunion day and we are back at the big house in the Hunter Valley. It’s one whole month since the the end of the farmstays. The farmers all rock up, and wardrobe  and make-up have them all looking pretty sharp. Everyone’s hair has been cut and styled, all teeth have been whitened. The farmers are all smiles and everyone is saying what a positive and amazing experience it has been. No one has any regrets. At least that’s what the cue cards said. Smiling face with open mouth and tightly-closed eyes

Time for the Love Seat grilling and Julz is the first cab off the rank. He is aptly coy and smiling, as the pretty but (yawn) dull hostie asks the usual (yawn) inane questions we have come to expect from this part of the show. This hostie is less annoying than last season’s girl but equally inane. She can probably blame that on the inane questions she has to ask. Anyhow, after the flashback to Julz’s city visit, it’s time for the big reveal….and it’s Melanie. She hadn’t gone off the boil, so they hold hands on the couch, then Julz takes Melanie to meet the boys who are waiting around, beer in hand.

Next up, Jedd. He had an “amazing experience”. Samantha was “amazing”. Kerry was “amazing”. Can this show really be scripted? I thought Sam had it in the bag but Jedd is still sampling. On his city date, blow me down, he is test driving Kerry. With no Gregory in sight, Kerry gets Jedd between her legs, but in the end his choice is…..wait for it….. Sam. Jedd is a goofy goof ball, but cute. Sam is gorgeous, in a toothy girl-next door way, so they make an adorable…, amazing couple. They didn’t hold hands on the couch, but Sam did wipe the drool off his lips, so that could mean the L word.

Now it’s rtv veteran, Lachlan, who has done enough of these shows to qualify for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. In fact I got the feeling that he had spent most of the series thinking he was in I Am A Farmer, Get Me Out of Here.  Lachlan has chosen Belinda, after he gave his other girl a serve. Belinda likes Lachlan for his witty banter and dad jokes. They are both taking things in their strides. Lachlan introduces Belinda to the boys at the bar and Jedd’s eyes pop for Belinda. Down boy. You chose Samantha.

Lancie is up next, but not in the way he hoped. He headed to the big smoke to meet Lisa, who greeted him wearing pedal pusher jeans spangled with rhinestones. She must have one of those 80s rhinestoning kits. Although Lance had goosebumps being back at Hunter Valley, where it all began, he just didn’t have goosebumps for Lisa. So Lisa packed up her rhinestone cowgirl clothes, and is still looking for love. Not even channel 9 lawyers can make Lancie rope and brand a filly unless he’s feeling it 100%.

They seem to be saving the best for last, because next up is Adam. Now Hayley was the initial front runner, like a cute little blue-eyed princess, but it was Taryn who put in all the hard work, and it looked like Adam might lean her way. Come city date though, and it was Hayley who Adam visited, and it was still Hayley sitting beside Adam on the Love Couch in Hunter Valley. Too bad Eliza.

And finally, it’s Farmer Matt’s turn. We are told Matty had the toughest choice of all. Not sure why.  Matt visits April (well she’s hot, so what guy wouldn’t) and he surprises her at a park. She just happens to be there cooking sausages, with her entire family. Everyone meets, and Matt and April show how they can both skate really well. Fast forward to the Hunter Valley house and the legs coming down the stairs, balancing on really high heels… still April. Yep. Matt chose April. April coos that Matt doesn’t know how amazing he is. Then calls him “dude” again. But she rubs his arm and Matt blushes like a school boy in love with his hot 4th grade teacher.  Everyone’s is toothy. Hostie is smiling. April is smiling. Matty is smiling. And I am thinking of those clowns at the royal show.

When Matt walks into the bar with his arm candy, all the farmers drool on cue. Then the country band plays, while all the farmers pretend to have found the loves of their lives.  Everyone snuggles, except Lancie, who is out in the men’s toilets texting Karen…..and Lorraine. Revolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving hearts

Good luck Farmers, and Cowgirls. Thanks for letting me take the p*ss. Thanks readers. I hope you all find love. 😙😙😙


Farmer Wants A Wife – Mon, Feb 22

Over to Cowgirl Daisy for her recap – yee ha …
We are getting down to the barbed wire now and tonight Adam, Julz, Jedd and Matt must each break another heart and send a girl back to the big smoke. Do you have any favourites, readers? Any guesses?
This week Lance has bounced back from losing Karen, but then he’s accustomed to being thrown off a bull so he can manage being ditched by a filly. Lance is giddy with lusty anticipation. He is looking forward to studding himself out. Matt seems to be enjoying the experience, and why not? He has three pretty girls in short, shorts and singlets. He looks as used to this as Elvis in Harem Scarum. Lachlan is starting to look bored and jaded and a bit over the whole RTV thing. Julz is sincere and Jedd is just starting to warm up.
Matt gets a good spiel with alliteration from the narrator; “helicopter hottie has fallen headfirst”. It’s a heart throbbing harem hootenany hayride. I am thinking, “go for Amelia”. Gabi flashes an ugly tatt. Matt flashes the choppers. Are they real? My mum wants to know. I told her “yes”. Amelia scoops poop and April wrassels Matt.
Julz is wavering, and Melanie gets a date. Julz takes her to sit on an old blue couch in a woodshed. And then they have snags. Julz is quietly confident. They snuggle, and share a sausage flavoured smooch. Are there fleas in that old couch? Megan and Alex hope so. In Coffin Bay Jedd is looking for “trace elements” in his girls. What the hell does that mean? Anyhow, he’s an oddball, but kind of cute in a doofus CSI way.
Adam, who has a cerebral approach to love is thinking hard, like he is choosing lotto numbers or doing a school project, as he weighs the pros and cons and considers the attributes of each girl. Hayley volunteers to drive the ute, but Tarryn gets the date. Adam reminds Tarryn that it’s still anyone’s game and there are two other girls. Gee, Adam. Tarryn plays, “I’m cold”, but Adam misses his cue. Someone slap Adam for being a dick. Next it’s Hayley’s turn and it’s fairy lights in the hay shed. Having spent time on farms, I know that hay stinks, but Hayley is thrilled, and even more over the moon when she sees chocolates and strawberries. Adam congratulates himself on his technique, but then frog marches Hayley back into the house before she starts getting ideas. Of course it could just be that Adam knows his Nanna is watching.
In the meantime, Lance has taken his girls shopping for boot scootin’ clobber. We see none of the slap and tickle in the change rooms, just the girls dressed like floral Annie Oakleys, or Judy Canova (that’ll get you googling).

With bulls bucking in the ring and sizzling on the plate, Lisa and Suzie enjoy another rodeo. I am thinking Lancie suits Suzie but will choose Lisa because he seems to go for women that he doesn’t match.
Lachlan chats with Belinda and Kelly, but Belinda needs the heimlich manouevre to open up so Kelly gets the date. I am reminded of The Castle, as Lachie and Kelly come out onto their verandah in fat slippers and bathrobes to feel the serenity and have a foot rub.
Now it’s the morning after. Adam clinically evaluates his girls and rubs out Christine. We might have guessed. She got no air time. Julz is in a spin. The girls all like him, and he likes them, but you just can’t afford to get platonic so Megan gets sent packing. Jedd lines the girls up in an oyster shed and gives each one a spiel which is as gentle as an episode of If You Are The One. For being “a great person”, Nicole gets sent home.
Now Farmer Matt has contracted dengue fever or malaria because he broken out in a sweat. And…oh no…real tears. Matt is choking on a frog in his throat.

He doesn’t want to send anyone home! Poor Matt! He should have gone in the Salt Lake City version; The Farmer Wants Three Wives. Matt has a little cry, but don’t worry because pan to next week and he is cuddling up with April and Gabi. Yes, my favourite, Amelia had to saddle up and ride off into the sunset. Until next week pardner. Cooee.


Farmer Wants a Wife – Ep 3

Hooray for guest recapper, Daisy:

Tonight on Farmer Wants a Wife…..
We pick up where we left off last week, saying goodbye to the first round of home stay girls. Now we know, ttv readers, that our hearts have warmed to Farmer Matt, but (slaps own face) we have to remain objective, and no free pass for our toothy cattle rancher.
The show begins with Famer Julz, 36, who wants to prove that there is fun to be had in Tumby Bay, so he takes his girls to segway park. Hmmm, I hope Tumby Bay gets better than segway. Adam chooses something to test his girls’ cooking skills and dinner table conversation, and takes them to a cooking class. Still not a lot of fun. They get a class in tortellini making. Hayley is on edge and feeling insecure. Not a good look, Hayley.
Samantha is developing feelings for Oyster Farmer Jedd, but photographer Kerry gets the jump on her and, camera in hand, goes to the beach with Jedd and Gregory. Gregory gets to show off his canine modelling, and Jedd is probably going to ask Greg if he likes Kerry. Jedd is still being bashful.
Now the screen heats up as we see Farmer Matt drive in on his enormous machine. He is definitely the producers choice for sex and sizzle. The word dirty gets mentioned a lot now. The girls aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, and we saw Matt’s dirty hands last week. It’s very sexy work, cattle rustling. There sweat, singlets, skin and phemerones are going crazy. April is drooling. Amelia is gushing. But Gabi is feeling left out.
Now on Lachie’s farm, he wants to make sure he makes the right decision-he is running out of dating show options. His girls are dolling up for a day out at Camden races. Lachie has invited his mates to check out the girls, while the girls do their best to appear bright, witty and charming. But Lachlan is bombing out with Jess, who didn’t feel any sparks.

Over at the rodeo, Lance brings his mate Bob to help lasso a filly. There is some bull handling and Lisa doesn’t want anything too big or frisky between her legs. Not sure if she means Lance. In the meantime, Julz takes beautician Alex to feed parrots.

For a nice interlude, the parrots are pretty. Alex and Julz get on well enough for Alex to thank Julz for sharing his budgie.
Here we have some farmer related ads for those of us who might need a tractor and then it’s back to Farmer Matt, taking his cowgirls to a beautiful creek for a frollick. I think April and Amelia are OK with a threesome and we all get to see Matt’s bum, rewind, bum again, rewind, bum…..OK move on. The slap and tickle in the creek has left Gabi once again feeling a little behind, but not the same behind that April felt. Matt takes Gabi off into the bushes and asks to see every side of her.

Gabi obliges and they lock lips. Well played Gabi! Matt tells the camera he is lost for words.

At Adam’s sedate luncheon, talk turns to relationship goals. Christine’s heart is melting, but Hayley is floundering. She doesn’t cope well with competition and her inner bunny boiler is showing. Hayley’s eyes tear up. She wants Adam to herself. She is anxious about the other girls’ ability to engage Adam in witty banter. At the rodeo, hot and cold Karen is off the boil again. She doesn’t want to hurt Lance, but she writes him a dear John letter, even though he is only in the kitchen.

Lance was sad, but resilient. That little “rip snorter” was his favourite. Lance must be partial to a sad sack. Karen drives away as Lance turns his attention back to spoiling his two remaining “lovely ladies”.
Back at Camden race track (do dah, do dah….sorry), the girls are hitting the juice and have loosened up. They are enjoying Lachie’s mates and cousin Stu, all of whom look a bit like a bunch of codgers. Julz’s feelings for Megan are beginning to waver, so he takes her for a deep and meaningful walk on a jetty, while Jedd takes Samantha to sit in a vineyard. Jedd finally gets over his shyness and zooms in for the smooch. He does well, for a slow starter. Returning to Camden, Jess lets Lachie down gently with an ‘it’s not me it’s you’ and an offer to stay friends. She has no regrets, perhaps because she can now go on to do First Dates. Lachlnan is pragmatically still looking forward to his future.
Now be patient viewers because as the episode winds up, we are told that next week ….the claws will be out. Miaooow. Till next week ????