Seven Year Switch chat

I know some of you are watching Seven Year Switch, so here’s a thread. I’ve caught 5 mins here and there. Thank goodness for ads because the show itself is so horrifyingly mesmerising it’s hard to look away.
Even reading the recaps on makes me squirm in a “so bad it’s good but am I a bad person for enjoying this” kind of way.
James Weir recap here.


MKR returns Easter Mon

Yes, it’s finally the heavily promoed night when the Seafood King cooks and Other Amy walks out – surely for all of two minutes?
Here’s the current leaderboard, so even if Josh and Other Amy somehow get even mediocre scores they will still probably with to do battle in Kitchen HQ with the midwives.
It’s on Seven at 7.30pm and straight after it’s the season premiere of Seven Year Switch, from 9-10.15pm.

Because Josh is the Seafood King, the entrees are both fishy: whitebait with salad and seafood chowder with damper.
Main is pork belly adobo with rice or blue swimmer crab with salad.
Dessert is something I can’t see because Pete is holding the menu too low – must you ruin everything, Pete! It looks like a Dutch word, though, in a nod to Josh’s background.

They start with a stop at the seafood shop, and how good do those prawns look! I really need to visit WA.
The go to Coles … yadda, yadda yadda …
In the kitchen, Josh says Other Amy is the head chef and they are going to have fun. Yeah, but no.
Dessert one is Koeksisters meet Dom Pedro and Pete and Manu are baffled.

Thanks to Dr Google, I now know it’s a honey doughnutty twisty thing (picture and recipe here). And a Dom Pedro is a South African drink with vanilla and Kahlua, so I guess that’s their ice cream.
Amy explains she has South African heritage, so I guess Josh’s Dutchness (as opposed to his douchiness) does not come via Cape Town.
Dessert two is Crema Catalana with Spanish biscotti.
Josh decides to put extra wine in the marinade because “I know what I’m doing”. Amy tells him a million times to leave her some coriander for their rice dish. His pot of crabs is so huge he has it sitting on the floor to marinate. Amy is doing all the jobs requiring measuring and taking care. The camera keeps cutting to the herbs floating with Josh’s crab, so you know he has used all Amy’s coriander.
He is happy with its fish stock because it smells “manky”.

The guests arrive in what looks to be sweltering heat. The midwives are both sunburnt with strong tan lines. Court and Dunc appear to be more awake this episode and are happy to oblige the producers with some snark. Must be the Hashtaggers’ night off.

It must be really hot but Pete and Manu aren’t even wearing suits.
Josh wants to score around 86. Modest fellow.

In the kitchen Josh is talking the talk about his seafood prowess and Amy is getting testy. At the table, the other teams who ate Josh’s food before are filling the others in on how bad it is. Amy (Tyson’s Amy) mentions the WA team is the Steven Bradbury of the competition. Then there is a lot of chat that sounds like a teacher trying to describe a terrible student in a polite way. But then Court just basically says he’s a dick.
There is much bickering in the kitchen over plating up and Josh suggests they will get divorced after this. Nice.

Entree is served.
Pete had whitebait but says all three components kinda sucked. The fish wasn’t crispy. Manu had the chowder and says “zis plate is a picture of stress”. The seafood was well cooked but they should not have blitzed the vegies.
Tyson says the whitebait is more of a bar snack than an entree – good call, Tyson.
For once, Court is not the one crying. Hashtagger Betty is all teary because she “can’t even think of a hashtag to give them. Hashtags are for fun” and they are not respecting the produce. Everyone else at the table thinks she’s gone cray-cray in the heat. Or perhaps ti’s the weight of those giant earrings giving her a headache.
Cut to Amy: “And the Logie goes to …” How much do I want Tyson and Amy to win this competition.

Back in the kitchen, Coriandergate has started. Amy has the shits big time and accidentally overreduces her soz. She complains the adobo is so boring-looking as it’s just brown and white. They did have parsley inn the fridge – at least it would have been a touch of green. Or perhaps a lime wedge? Or even some thinly sliced chilli.

Main is served
Pete has the adobo and the soz wasn’t balanced – it was too salty and needed something green. “Not enjoyable after the second bit,” he says.
Manu normally loves blue swimmer crab but they just tasted like wine. He says there is no need to ever marinate crab in wine. “If you, Josh, were sitting here tonight, you would take this apart.” He tells them to pull it together for dessert.

In the kitchen Other Amy starts crying and Josh has no idea what to say. They walk outside for a minute to cool off (so it wasn’t really a walkout – what a shock) and the guests can here Other Amy swearing. There are tears and swearing but they decide to carry on. The guests feel totes awks.
In the kitchen Other Amy is happy with her doughnuts but lets Josh who has never done it before, use the blow torch to caramelise the sugar on the other desserts. Just do it yourself, Other Amy!
Please can this race to the bottom just be over already. The promos say tomorrow is the quarter finals but we still have a million teams left.
Amy keeps adding alcohol to her dessert milkshakes and after numerous tastings starts to feel better.

Dessert is served
Pete had the doughnut and cocktail. The former was dense and the latter way too alcoholic. Manu’s crema was liquid and had no flavour and the sugar wasn’t caramelised. “It’s not even funny any more,” he says.
Pete: “You’ve had highs in this competition – just not tonight.” Really? When, Pete? When were these highs? Did I blink and miss them?
Over to Original Amy to describe the milkshake: “It kind of tastes like Bubble O Bill had a bottle of whisky.” I hope she gets a regular gig as a food reviewer after this.

Instead of showing the teams’ scores we skip straight to Pete and Manu, and instead of a Kitchen HQ battle the twist is it’s an on-the-spot elimination. So the Seafood King is done for.

Entree: Manu – chowder 3; Pete – whitebait 4
Main: Manu – crab 1 (I’m trying to remember; have we ever seen a zero?); Pete – adobo 2
Dessert: Manu – sugar slop 1; Pete doughnuts and cocktail 1

The teams’ combined score is 19/70. (With seven teams, that means 2s and 3s, which seems pretty generous, given the food).
Total: 31

Finally – no more Josh!
Cue montage set to “Simply the Best”. Strangely the “slut” footage didn’t make it.
From tomorrow, one team goes home every night. The teams left are:
The Scores
Court and Dunc
Della and Tully
Amy and Tyson
Mum and daughter
Brown Beard and Tim


Seven Year Switch – reunion show tonight

Apparently Channel Seven has been inundated with applications for the second season of this bizarre show.
I’ve watched the first episode and a only few minutes of subsequent shows, during which I formed the opinion at least three of the four couples just needed to break up.
In last week’s show they were all still together but now, six months after filming ended, it’s time for the reunion show.
At least one couple is expecting a baby and all around Australia people will be yelling at their TV “A baby is not going to fix your mutually destructive relationship!”.
If you want to find out who is pregnant, go here
The reunion screens at 8.50pm tonight and goes til 10pm.


I Watched Seven Year Switch So You Don’t Have To – You’re Welcome

It’s the first episode of Seven Year Switch, where we meet four equally attractive couples with struggling relationships. And luckily for you guys, I’ve watched it so you don’t have to.
Jackie and Tim met at the gym, where they seem to work, and a “hook-up” turned into a relationship. Jackie is upset he doesn’t like holding hands. “Take me on a date, motherf—er,” she says straight to camera with a psycho stare, not at all joking.

Unfortunately they also run a fitness business together so are together 24/7. He admits he slacks off work to get a rise out of her, then proceeds to tell her she’s a “bossy bitch”. You can tell if these guys didn’t have a business they’d be long broken up. Why are they on TV? Do they mistakenly think any publicity is good publicity?

Next are Brad and Tallena, who are engaged.

They met on Tinder, they say, giggling. They were meant to get married a month ago but postponed it mainly due to financial worries. Brad doesn’t want to spend $10,000 on a wedding (seems cheap by modern standards) but is happy to buy a $3000 TV. Tallena says Brad’s priorities are 1. golf, 2. his car, 3. Squishy the bird (how hilarious) and 4. her.
The therapists meet the couple and Tallena says: “Every time we used to fight Brad used to take my ring off me.”
Urgh – let him go live the single life, Tallena and find a nice bloke who wants to be in a relationship.

The third couple, Jason and Michelle, has two kids after being together seven years.

Jason misses the happy days of having fun together. He’s dressed like a 16-year-old skater boi. Michelle is focused on being a mother and Jason works a lot at his motorbike and web design business, so they are not together much. He feels the weight of their financial struggles. “We are not a team, at all,” Michelle says.
This is sad – these are not just shallow gym junkies in a passive-aggressive relationship.
The therapists ask what Michelle does for the relationship. She says: “I just don’t really try. At the end of the day, I just want a bit of time for myself … I’ve lost every sense of who I am.”
I’m no therapist but it sounds like Michelle has some form of post-natal depression.

The final couple is Ryan and Cassie.

Cassie has a child from a previous relationship and they have a baby together. She thinks Ryan needs to grow up: “It’s like I’m dealing with another child.” We learn that soon after they became engaged their first child was stillborn, which put a lot of strain on the relationship. He threw himself into work and she feels emotionally unsupported. She wants him to ditch his fledgling electrician business and get a stable job, so he can spend time with the family. “I just want my wife to fall in love with me again,” Ryan says.

And now to shuffle the deck. Each person is teamed up with someone of the opposite sex from another couple. For Michelle at least this should be the break from the kids she obviously needs. She tells Jason, if it fails and they divorce, he will see the kids on weekends. We learn man child Ryan has never spent a month apart from his nine-month-old daughter. Tallena will have a birthday while she’s away but Brad says she’s not allowed to celebrate it with her new partner, and no hugging. Only fist-bumping. So, you don’t want her, Brad, but no-one else can either? Fitness queen Jackie says Tim can’t get in a spa with his new partner.

Before they head off, they tell their families and friends what’s going on – Ryan and Cassie’s family look like they were expecting them to announce a divorce, although the cameras would be a giveaway something else was up.
At their last dinner together Jackie reiterates the “no spa” rule: “As much as you annoy the f— out of me I actually love you … Say you love me back on TV,” she says while holding a steak knife. She is lookingg – and acting – more and more like choir queen bee Anna Camp from Pitch Perfect.

I have a knife.
I have a knife.

When it comes time to show goodbye Brad of the $3k TV finally shows that he will actually miss Tallena and starts crying. Hope there’s a big TV where you’re going, Brad, to make you feel better.
Gym junkie and affection-phobe Tim allows Jackie to hug him goodbye “He’s only ever said I love you in a text message one in three-and-a-half years. I took a screenshot of it.”

Affection-phobe Tim arrives at his temporary home and it’s rather flash with water views, a pool and a spa. Looks like they’ve all scored luxurious beach getaways.
All contestants realise there is only one bed in the house and Man Child Ryan’s seems to only be a queen size. They act like they’re freaking out, but c’mon, just kip on the couch, guys.

We didn’t see much of the therapists tonight, whoever they may be.
That’s it for tonight. Don’t know if I can bear another episode.