Bold, Beautiful and Socially Distanced
For those still watching, here’s a quick Bold and the Beautiful update: Quinn is trying to claw her way back to her matrimonial home and husband Eric, but first she has to get past $hauna, who has been making herself right at home there, sharing martinis with Eric in front of the all-important portrait spot.
Perhaps, like others before her, $hauna has been posing quietly for her “soon-to-be wife number 15” portrait.
Eric has been luxuriating in $hauna’s seduction. She knows that while she is saying, “Forgive Quinn”, all Eric can really hear is the voice in his head saying, “Booozums, big blue eyes, giant sea anemone lips”. Knives will soon be out there. And perhaps, too, Eric’s old manhood.
Thomas has been positioning himself to steal Hope’s heart, using humility, repentance, fatherly love and a vigilant eye on any chinks in Liam and Hope’s relationship as a means to do so. Hope has been warming to Thomas’s compliments, remorse and fatherly devotion, while Liam is spinning out of control with accusations and anxiety: “Why won’t anyone believe me?”.
“Wooden Hope” knows the truth. Liam, the arrogant fool, is spending way too much time with Steffy, with one excuse or another. He thinks spreading his sperm all over LA makes him a candidate for Father of the Year.
Others on the scene ATM are gold digging Zoe, who will take any guy who is rich and good looking. She’s not fussy but would prefer Zende. There is “Loser in Love Carter” who can’t keep a girl either because he’s a nice guy, or because his surname isn’t Forrester. There’s cocky Zende, who has already partially moved on to Zoe’s pink-topped sister.
And there’s Paris, who has stuck fairy floss on her head. She’s ready to eat Zende for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I nearly forgot boring Wipes and Flo. Flo has been flaunting her crotch in a peep show beach dressing gown and yellow bikini. Wipes has been protesting $hauna’s new address, and his mother’s relocation into his love nest. No pizza in bed for him.
Also, no pizza full stop, as Quinn wants Wipes to eat healthy food. She too can see the flubber. It might not be long before Flubber Boy and boring Flo hit the rocks over who’s mother deserves the most reviling.
In the meantime, others might brave the virus to make an appearance, even kiss a mop in a love scene.
The only one who’s truly unafraid is red-eyed, murderous Wooden Hope. Perhaps producers should bring in even more dummies to fill the cast. 🤣