Project Runway All Stars 2016 – premiere

Many thanks to guest recapper Zhee for recapping the premiere of Project Runway All stars. Since this does not screen on free-to-air in Australia, don’t read it if you don’t want to see spoilers. Over to Zhee:

And sew it begins! Project Runway All Stars is back. Let us start with the contestants first. And sorry, this is going to be rather boring! Feel free to ignore it; I am just bitching about everything. 😀
This time there are two Under the Gunn alums. This was the show that had Tim Gunn (He who will always have a special place in my stonecold heart! Using my best Leslie-Knope-voice here: Designers… make it work!) as a host and 3 mentors. One was Mondo – who looked like a creepy child during that show. Anya (yup, Anya who couldn’t sew and won her season thanks to a some shitty miracle) and Uncle Nick, Santino’s nice sidekick from season 2. The show was filled with bullying by Anya, Mondo and their teams against Nick and his team. In the end, the knight in shining and fancy suits won thanks to being nice and humble. Oh, where was I? Yeah, 2 people from UTG are there, Sam Donovan who likes bitchy and drunk blogging about PR and Asha Daniels, the bully. Both cannon fodder.


So then from the real Project Runway we have Kini Zamora from season 13. The little hairy Troll look-a-like infamously created a much praised knock off of an Alexander McQueen style for the avant garde challenge with the rainy runway. He was the master seamstress with a love for denim during his season. Precise, but lacked in creativity. But we will see how he will fare amongst the All Stars. Emily Payne from season 13 is also there (cannon fodder in my opinion who will be booted off by the 3rd or 4th episode). Her garments are kind of forgettable. Season 13 also had Fäde zu Grau – who is freaking adorable with his gay German accent. I loved my fellow German during his season but he was overlooked a couple of times – I guess the same will happen in All Stars. His fashion is not for everyone but it has a cool vibe and suits people looking for a slightly avant garde-ish look. That being said, he got auf-ed during the avant garde challenge. Lastly from season 13 we have Mitchell Perry. I seriously cannot even remember him. So I had a look at his season. Okay, okay. I remember him now. THE Mitchell Perry! He was doing so badly, my brains have totally erased him from my memories.
Dom Streater, one of the most forgettable winners of PR history is back. So if they follow their pattern, every time a winner was on PR All Stars, one of them won their season of All Stars. I don’t mind her, she seems nice and down to earth plus she is cute as a button. Season 12 also gives us Ken Laurence and Alexander Pope. I can only remember them because of their bitchfest with each other involving an ironing board and a suitcase that was apparently as big as Ken himself. Oh, and there was some screaming and drama and… let’s just say the PR producers are looking for some more drama which will result in a bigger audience. I mean, who isn’t looking for a fight between the Pope and Ken?
Season 11’s Layana Aguilar is back as well. She has reproduced herself since leaving PR and gotten married. Yawn… She’s pretty, that’s why I somehow remember her.
Unfortunately they did not get Gretchen (aka She-Hitler) for PR All Stars. How sad. Mondo was already in the first season, so also no Mondo. Anthony Ryan was in the second season – he won over Uli Herzner (still angry about that – how could they???). I suppose they were looking through that season and only Valerie Mayen was left who was willing to do the show and who didn’t suck.
Stella Zotis is also back. She will always be remembered as the one who gave every other cast member of her season (Number 5) a big headache by simply hammering on everything – didn’t care if it was dead or alive, as long as it had a leathery look (Donald Trump, beware of Stella’s hammer! She might think you are orange leather with a dead hamster on your head.) Cannon fodder as well. Will most likely also get the boot after a couple of episodes.
The best is saved for last and he surely is the guy to beat (up)! Daniel “Aww, everything is so awesome and I am a real genius” Franco. He’s like the original Kate Pancoke. You simply cannot get rid of him. He and his creepy hair (although it is less creepy looking than 12 years ago) and smile (still as creepy as in 2004) are baaaack! Welcome, genius.
So, what will we see in the first episode? Let’s pray for unconventional stuff!
But… all my hopes get disappointed. No parchment paper shitfest by Franco (but to fast-forward, Daniel Franco produced shit again) and no Stella hammering trash bags. *sadface*
We are welcomed by the designers reuniting, hugging each other, Sam and Mitchell hate each others guts already because Sam blogged mean things about THE Mitchell Perry.
Then finally – Samantha Micelli appears! Phoebe Halliwell, I mean Alyssa Milano, is not pregnant any longer. Last year she was the cutest living balloon ever. Anywayyy, she still has not learned how to host properly or show any emotion. But it is okay, I adored her when I was a girl! We learn that Isaac Mizrahi is back. One of the most iconic American fashion designers… say what? Sorry, iconic? Uhhhm, yeah. Also the lovely and beautiful Georgina Chapman of Marchesa (one of the most over-rated fashion labels… in like forever!) is back. Isn’t it great to have so many attributes which describe you? I think next week I will start a personal drinking game and have a shot of Amaretto whenever they call Georgina lovely and beautiful.
The designers’ challenge will be to produce a garment that represents the point in their life they realized they will become a fashion designer. Exciting, right? We already know that Daniel Franco will have the weirdest story for us why he wanted to become a designer.
They start with a trip to Mood and Daniel already gets totally lost there. Sadly for us, they found him again. Ah, it is obvious he will get the creepy weirdo-edit. Same procedure as 12 years ago.
And there’ SWATCH! The one and only and real superstar of Project Runway! Ah, nice shot of him laying around and doing nothing.
Back in the work room we see Daniel Franco cut off half of his hand or whatever how much it was. I think he mentioned he cut off his finger tip. Great, so he will definitely have another story to tell on the runway because we already know he will be singled out as one of the worst 3 designers.
We see some designer talk about their inspiration and what they are planning to do. Duh, THE Mitchell Perry is also already set as one of the worst designers for the first episode. His garment looks really bad in the sketch.
Zanna Roberts Rossi – the poor man’s Tim Gunn – appears. She’s meeting Daniel Franco and he hasn’t much to present because he got injured really badly. Poor guy. She bluntly tells him to not mention his cut off finger tip to the judges. We now know for sure he will! She also tells Ken that his peplum is so 2005! Hey, if Ashleigh, the winner from the last PR season can get away with it, so surely will Ken.
Layana’s top looks too flimsy for boobies so she decides to do some piping in order to give them boobies more structure. Fäde should do some graffiti on his dress as he says he was inspired by the Berlin wall and that he escaped Eastern Germany.
Day 1 is over, Daniel Franco didn’t achieve anything. Day 2, he doesn’t do much else and his thing is looking bad. Really bad. The fabric looks like my granny’s jackets and the colour isn’t much nicer. I love how Kini and Fäde are throwing a shade at him.
The designers hassle around, heading to Schwarzkopf for hair and Laura Geller (who the hell is that) for make up. Oh, and let’s not forget the accessory walls. Chinese Laundry (downgrade from Just Fab?) for shoes and cannot remember name for the rest.
Oh, important news! It’s a blind runway. First I thought, the room has no light and everything is dark so we are not able to see the pile of poop THE Mitchell Perry and Daniel Franco produced. Ah, I was so wrong. Silly me! It’s blind judging! Maaan, I am getting dumber by each season. The judges won’t know who did what.
Dmitry Sholokov (winner of season 10 and PR All Stars 4) is a guest judge. Looking forward to that because Dmitry is a nice asshole who tells people to their face whenever he thinks something stinks. I started to really like him when he triggered Elena back in his season.
Runway starts, models appear. THE Mitchell Perry’s abomination appears and the thing which crept out of Daniel Franco’s butt. Most of the things look all right, nothing that really is spectacular. Sam’s jumpsuit is cute but doesn’t fit properly and gives deep insights onto sideboob. Plus it looks like the stuff he did 2 years ago. Evolve, boy. Evolve! Stella’s outfit looks old-fashioned. Kini’s is boring although cute minus the collar and the awfully tacky necklace. Dom’s coat is chic! Like it. Fäde’s design is good but he went a bit too mainstream. And Emily’s coat is… bulky. It makes the model look like she weighs 150 kilos and what the hell is that hair? It just looks silly. It’s a pitty because wasn’t it for the bulkiness, the design itself was good. Alexander’s garment is… forgettable.
Top 3 and flop 3 are Ken, Layana, THE Mitchell Perry, Asha, Valerie, Daniel. It’s obvious who is on the top and who sucks. Ken gets told he is the guy to beat. Seems like peplum is still a thing in 2016. I personally did not like it. But hey, I am not a fashion expert, so what do I know? Layana gets some praise, I did not like the front, but the back of her jumpsuit looked great. And Valerie gets a lot of praise. To be honest, her outfit is my favourite so far. It looks fun and cute and wearable (as long as you have no boobs). I am more than okay with her win and it was nice to see how happy she was. But we have to see how her work evolves from there. Ken – although Isaac called him the guy to beat – did not get the win. Thankfully. I think we could not handle his ego during the next episode.
Now the bad – Asha’s outfit wasn’t really bad. It was just very generic. They could have swapped her with Alexander. THE Mitchell Perry’s cloud of yuck looked really awful. Even someone without sewing skills could have done better. The top is horrific, what’s with that granny flower pattern? Her one boob looks saggy, the other one is peaking through the side. It’s just a mess. No inspiration at all. It just looks like an über-dimensional toilet brush. Dmitry starts telling him he was trying to find something nice… He couldn’t find anything.
And now over to Daniel. As mentioned above, he tells some weird stories about his finger and how his wife was in school with him and he wanted to impress her by designing a collection. Makes totally sense to then get inspired to design a total non-design.

The new auf-music HATE it!) starts after Valerie won, Asha gets sent back to the designers’ lounge. It’s between THE Mitchell Perry and Daniel. It’s basically plague versus cholera. I think both of them should be sent packing. But alas, the judges let both of them stay. Seriously? The best argument of the night: We don’t know you yet as designers. Uhm. Uhm. Uhhhhm. Isn’t the point of All Stars that those designers already found their voice during their respective season? Ah, nevermind. I told you that I might be too dumb and get dumber by each season… So long, see you next week!