The Bachelorette is about to begin

No sooner have Richie and Alex walked off into the Bali sunset, Georgia Loves arrives on our screens.
It starts Wednesday on Channel 10 and the premiere runs from 7.30pm-9.15pm. The following night only goes until 8.40pm.

Will you be watching or was your belief in love dashed after The Bachie editors made us think Nikki was the Chosen One and Alex was a Bunny Boiler? I’m looking forward to seeing someone on screen you knows how to string a sentence together.


The Bachelor Australia – finale

Who do you think it will be?

I’m expecting 40 minutes of flashbacks (including some of the regrettable wardrobe choices, Alex mentioning she has a son and Richie saying the girls are gorgeous), 10 minutes of new footage (including lots of a shirtless Richie staring at the ocean as he thinks) and the rest ads.

After a flashback recap with a voiceover by Osher as he stands somewhere scenic to remind us we are in Bali (which they are keen to tell us is in Indonesia), we are reintroduced to Richie’s mum and sis, whom we met on the hometown date when Sam Frost was the Bachelorette. From memory Richie was super hyper as he introduced her to family and friends, and Sam ditched him at the end of the episode. Richie’s sis looks a bit like Nikki – white hair included – and, like Nikki, she has a thing for plunging necklines. Can everyone just go back to wearing bras, please!
Alex is up first and the producers have obviously told Richie (sorry – Rich) not to pre-warn his family about Alex’s son. Bit cruel. We learn Alex manages her family’s wedding reception centre. This is the first we’ve heard that Alex has a life outside of “single mum” (and “nude model”) because women’s careers don’t matter on The Bachelor. Alex tells them she has a son and they ask polite questions about him.
The producers tell mum to take Alex aside to probe her about their sons. Mum as much as says Richie has no idea about how to deal with a kid, and how he would cramp Richie’s style. Mum tells Alex that Richie will have to do all the compromising, travelling to visit her. Alex says she would consider, down the track, moving to WA.
After Alex leaves, mum tells Richie he hasn’t thought enough about what’s involved in dating a woman with a child. He says he has thought about it, then admits he doesn’t have a clue really.

Now it’s Nikki’s turn and everyone has had a wardrobe change. Mum thinks Nikki seems lovely. Alex has the son “bombshell” so Nikki’s is that she was in a long-term relationship – booyah! Nikki gives some good answers and acts naturally. “So, you’re not a basket case?” mum jokes. Later she tells the camera Nikki would fit in to their family well and sis agrees.
Mum – who has a bit of a Julie Bishop laser beam eyes thing going on – warns Richie he needs to consider the negatives (she means Alex’s son, Richie!).

Date time

They’ve braided Nikki’s hair, given her an off-the-shoulder barmaid at Oktoberfest blouse, short shorts and high wedges – just what you need to climb into a helicopter. They fly around for a while and land in a rice paddy to take a wander around a temple where they feed monkeys. Nikki is very tolerant of monkeys climbing on to her bare shoulders.

Rich tells her that his mum was “pretty rapt” to meet her. They have a big pash at the temple entrance. Later they have a chat on a Bachie couch and Nikki looks so blissfully happy. They kiss but she’s the one pulling him in closer.

Uh oh – if he doesn’t choose her Twitter will go into meltdown.

Alex gets to go on a massive sailboat and she’s also wearing massive wedges. She has a chat to him about how kids can be pains in the arse some times and you have to suck it up. They frolic in the ocean but then it’s time to sit on a couch while Alex reads him a poem she wrote before she even met Richie but suddenly it’s about him. She drops the L word. He kisses her and replies “you’re so beautiful”.

It’s time for everyone to get dressed and to pretend the girls do their own makeup. Nikki is in red; Alex in gold. Both have rather heavy evening-style makeup. Nikki – who looks so much better in blues – of course has the plunging neckline requiring much Hollywood tape while Alex’s love of chokers continues.

Rich looks dapper in a pale blue suit and crisp white open-necked shirt, but the slip-on shoes ruin the sharp look.
Poor Osh has been allowed to make no concession for the Bali heat and has to wear a tie. Rich tells Osh he’s in love and, after a bro hug, it’s off to break someone’s heart.

Are we there yet? This is taking forever and I really want to check my Facebook.
Nikki is first out of the car and she has a little reminisce with Osh. Then it’s off to hold hands with Rich while he tells her life would be sweet with her but IT’S ALEX! OMG. The internet hive mind was right: the girl in the paler dress always wins.
Rich asks if’s ok and she holds it together admirably. “I’ve had a great time; I’ve had a lot of fun … I love you enough to, you know … I thought what we had was special. What you have with Alex must top all of it.”
Aww, Nikki – such grace under pressure. Even in the car as the tears begin she says she has no hard feelings for Rich. “No regrets.” Please can we find Nikki a nice bloke.
So it’s Alex, who all this time was painted by the producers as having incurable Single Mum disease, which turned her into a bunny boiler.
Alex steps out of the car and we get a lovely shot of her foot tatt. There’s a lot of padding out and he says the L word and she can’t believe he would pick her, with her incurable disease and all. He gives her a ring (presumably it’s a promise ring but it’s not discussed).

And there we have it. Now I can read all your comments!


The Bachelor Australia – final three

Richie has whittled them down to Mysterious Olena, Home State Girl Nikki and Smother Mother Alex. Tonight he kicks one of the trio to the kerb. Tomorrow night is the finale, screening on Ten from 7.30pm to 9pm. Richie takes the final two to Bali (perhaps he’ll catch up with former Big Brother contestant Tully there again?) and will break someone’s heart. Unless it’s Olena he’s rejecting, as she seems made of sterner stuff.
And here’s a post from the Bachie Twitter account, so you gice can discuss the use of the word “fleek” …

We start with Richie recapping the pros and cons of each girl. Pity the girls don’t get to do the same.
He’s doing some deep thinking while he does situps by the bachie pad lake, and even pretends to wipe his brow with a towel because he’s sweating from all the head hurty deep thoughts.
Richie decides to take the girls to his fave place: Indonesia. Alex has never been to Bali before. And she is calling him “Rich” (but Pooky Bear in private as she stabs voodoo dolls of Olena and Nikki).

Alex is wearing a black lace and netting playsuit which flashes her cheeks – and not the up-top kind. The producers make them ride bicycles in what is no doubt sweltering conditions and they must be the only people in Bali wearing safety helmets. Rich is so excited he’s even doing bunny hops on the bike. Time for a chat about how much her family loves him as they perch on a wall – not a couch, for once. Alex questions whether he could ever move to Melbourne (we know Richie is super close to his blonde mum – who raised him alone – and blonde sister). He avoids a straight answer but says he wouldn’t want her son to move schools as much as he did. Enough awkward talk; time for a rice paddy pash. Later on, they do find a cushion-strewn couch and she asks how his family would feel about him dating someone with a child. “They just want me to be happy,” he says. So, no answer, then.

Next up is Nikki, wearing a tropical-look playsuit and she suits the beachy Bali vibe. Straight away she grabs his head and pulls him in for a kiss. Nikki, the fellow West Aussie, has been to Bali a zillion times. They head off on some giant flying lilo thing that’s towed by a speedboat and afterwards have a pash wrapped up in beach towels. They follow up with time on the Bachie couch, surrounded by candles and Nikki again tells him she loves him. He tells her he would slot in easily to her family. Cue 2 minutes of adjectives about how awesome the other person is. “Good times, good times,” he concludes (throwing in a pash for good measure).

Now for Olena, also in a playsuit, but hers has bling. Since the hometown visit she’s started worrying about Richie living in WA while she’s in Sydney. Well, der. Richie throws out a lot of “myterious” and “intrigued” observations. They take a scooter ride to the beach and he loves surfing, so Olena must again pretend to like outdoorsy stuff. “How did your Mum feel about me?” he asks. “Umm …” she replies. Then she tells him her mum “has concerns” but doesn’t elaborate. They spend the next half hour pretending to enjoy surfing while mulling it over. Olena says her folks don’t want her to leave Sydney. Richie says he’s open to living in both cities but she’s still worried.”I see that as a huge mess for me; travelling back and forward for a relationship,” she tells the camera. Uh oh – she’s not making eye contact with him and they are playing the “something bad’s bout to happen music”. Later on, she’s in a leopard print kaftany thing and looking as fabulous as usual. Richie tries to drag some emotion out of her. She tells him her family think she’s living a fairy tale and ignoring “the real shit”. Ooh! He tells her he’s frustrated by her not acting all cray-cray for him from the get-go. “At the end of the day I’m thinking is it too much of a hassle for us to have a relationship,” she tells him. Olena lives in the real world, not Bachie la-la land.
Damn – I was sure she and Nikki would be final two but now he has no choice but to take Alex.

Rose time
They get straight into it – no cocktail party chat. The girls are all in shiny dresses and poor Osh and Rich have to swelter in suits. Nikki gets the first rose. The music builds to a crescendo and he picks Alex. Olena looks a bit nervy, like she’s trying to breathe calmly. She and Richie exchange pleasantries about how they want each other to be happy and it’s like two strangers making polite conversation at a dinner party.

Tomorrow night
Alex and Nikki get to meet his Mum, who asks questions like: “So, you’re not a basket case?” We hear Nikki tell the camera she’s confident it’s her. The finale screens tomorrow on Ten, from 7.30-9pm.


The Bachelor Australia – Wed, Aug 31

Bachie chat for Wed, Aug 31 and Thurs, Sep 1 (crikey – spring is here already!).

So, Mean Girl Rachel is the only one left with brownish hair – is she next on Richie’s chopping block? Who’s the next closet to brunette – Kiki?

Thoughts on tonight
* Nikki gets the single date and now I’m worried that her edit is so favourable that she isn’t the winner after all.

* I don’t like country music but that band was tight.
* I’m surprised they didn’t dress her in cowboy boots and denim; she looked liked Sandy at the end of Grease.
* I love how inappropriately dressed the girls were for the Tough Mudder challenge. Did they ask then to wear white?
* Judging from Olena’s reaction to the mozzie on her shoulder, she needs to go on I’m a Celeb next year.
* Love how Mean Girl Rachel thinks being awesome at a climbing a wall is how to get Richie’s attention; everyone knows the girls who are rubbish/cry/twist their ankles get the most Bachie attention because otherwise they look like douches.

* Finally, we get to see a sense of humour from Olena after the mudpit: “Then you can check yourself for any leeches that are sucking your blood away.”
* Richie was right: A bottle of water tipped over her face transformed Olena from mud monster to elegant model in a second.

* Boy, Rachel is competitive. But I guess we do need to have a snarky narrator and she can at least string a sentence together.
* So, at this stage I believe Keira is the only person to go on a single date and not get a rose.
* Are there any potential Bachelorettes in this season? Nikki is not outgoing off; Alex too stalkery; viewers wouldn’t warm to Kiki; Olena too aloof. Rachel too mean; and Steph is a nonentity. Hmm, maybe Faith? She’s vivacious enough but we haven’t seen much of her.
* At the cocktail party Steph is again going for the 2am at a nightclub look. Her hair looks incredible brittle.
* Can someone please teach the girls the correct phrase is “so few people”.
* Awww, poor teary Faith at the cocktail party. She seems like a nice gel.
* No white rose drama tonight.
* We didn’t get to see any of Rachel’s convo with Richie at the cocktail party. Are they trying to hide a growing relationship from the edit.
* Those dresses Nikki and Olena picked were not flattering.

* OMG he kept Steph AKA Jeanne Little’s granddaughter.
* Given Kiki was the only original left he hadn’t pashed, it’s no surprise Richie kept Faith. It was a gracious exit from her. Perhaps it was a case of Richie deciding it was easier not to draw out the Kiki thing when they were clearly not suited.

Tomorrow night
Hamish Blake crashes Faith and Richie’s single date and is their toddler for the night. This should be good. Like Richie’s old man date with Sam last season, they’ve picked a girl whom they know will be up for a bit of fun.


The Bachelor – Is it finally Bacon Girl’s turn?

I really hope bacon lover Noni gets a singe date tonight that involves Richie plying with her oysters (Kilpatrick, of course), given her childish gagging the other week. If you don’t like oyster be grown up enough to say so, Noni!
Or will she be dateless and get the boot for which she was the obvious recipient last week, until Megan from WA walked.

No full recap from me tonight but a few points:
1. I’m worried Richie hasn’t said “You can’t rush feelings” enough times on his single date.
2. What does intruder Steph mean “you don’t date in Ballarat”? It’s a city. Do bogans not date?
3. How much does that chick reading the questions look like Kiki.
4. Nikki looks so much nicer in daytime makeup and casual clothing.
5. Steph always dresses like it’s 2am at a nightclub.
6. Why did Osher tell the girls the others would be watching on video? More drama if it was a surprise.
7. Poor Richie having to go through that so many times.
8. Nice boob press by Kiki.
9. Alex is creeping me out with her intensity in the touch challenge.
10. Richie and Faith’s date included real conversation and had a certain ease to it. A girl with a sense of humour – yay!
11. Nikki’ response to Alex’s meltdown makes me like Nikki even more.
12. Noni took her ousting with grace, despite the flood of tears.
13. Bye horse girl whose name I never knew.
13. So,next boot is Sarah?


Gatecrashers on The Bachelor

It’s gatecrasher time. Will one makethe final two, like last time?

Check out Rosie’s recap


The Bachelor – Week 4

Tonight White Rose wielder Alex finally gets a date and the girls get a fake baby challenge. Luckily they are already used to tanties of the grown-up variety.