It’s back! I only saw two minutes of last year’s series, and given the PG timelslot I imagine a lot of people will tune in for the first ep and then bail.
Do you think any couples are still together?
Chat away – guest recap coming later from WA correspondent Daisy as I’ll be watching the Chopses flail on MKR.
AND OVER TO DAISY – thank you!
The premiere tonight begins with last year’s success story; cute couple Zoe and Alex. They are being blissfully domestic, and hoping for babies. But please, Zoe, teach Alex it’s “Zoe and I….” Then we are introduced to the three supposed sexperts, who will use science, charts and body odour to match the couples.
Then we are introduced to pretty 39 year old, business owner Christie. She seems to have had it all, great life, loving family, but she is getting desperate to have kids, and her dad is ready for grandkids. He has offered to foot the bill for egg freezing. Christie values humour, positivity and requires chemistry. Her partner is FIFO and now farmer, Mark, and we all now straightaway know that there is a back-up plan for Mark, in Farmer Wants a Wife.
Then we meet retail manager, “on-line dating fiend” and self-confessed rude person, Erin, who has her own slave; her mother. Her mum makes her toast, then wipes her bum for her. Erin claims to sabotage her own dates. She is matched with mild-mannered Bryce. The experts gave him to Erin because he sniffed her dirty clothes and liked it.
Then we see the brides and grooms-to-be break the news to their families and friends who generally approve of the crazy decision to marry a stranger on TV. Erin tries on wedding gowns, and luckily with help from her friends Tig and Laura, because the bffs notice Erin’s first choice of gown has a falopian tube design on her crotch. Then we see Erin open up to camera and have a little cry. She “really wants this to work”.
The brides and grooms get dressed and groomed for the wedding. Everyone is getting nervous. Erin wants a truck load of make-up. Bryce won’t even be able to see her until she washes her face. Erin has already shown she is a potty-mouth. “Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t, sh*t”.
Christie and Mark meet and marry on a ferry on Sydney harbour on a perfect sunshine and lollipops day. Mark is so stunned by beautiful Christie that he tears up. Christie is so underwhelmed that she soon starts throwing up. Christie’s Dad thinks Mark is too short and starts thawing eggs.
Erin makes sure she gets plenty of attention by having a pre-wedding diva-like melt down. She keeps groom and guests waiting while she performs for the camera, but manages an entrance after another swig of champagne. She does the stupid face fan, but she has a great figure in that wedding doily. Luckily for Bryce, Erin takes to him like a duck to water. I just hope he can make toast. Then they have the photo shoot which forces some intimacy. Erin and Bryce are up for it, as is Mark, but Christie is handling it like a trip to the dentist to have four molars out without pain killers.
On the ferry, things go from bad to worse as Christie gets sicker….but then things turn a corner as Mark shows how great his nursing skills are, and Christie stops throwing up in her mouth. Then, back inside, Mark impresses everyone with his speech and daggy dancing, although Christie’s Dad was making snake eyes.
Question: did the producers know that Christie gets sea sick? An onboard wedding wasn’t a good idea.
Over at Erin and Bryce’s party, Erin is loving the attention. She is schmoozing with the guests and swearing like a sailor. She talks trash about the “fake t*tty table”, then smiles and waves. Later she greets them at their fake t*tty table and the girls ask, “Will you f*ck tonight”. Erin likes the polite way they asked, so replies, “Not on the table”, or was that “Not off the table”. And that just left the fake blonds, with their fake boobs, and their fake brains, confused.
Erin then makes a speech where she pretty much confesses that she is a bitch, while Bryce beams at her proudly. Bryce is undeterred by the red flags. Is this Erin already sabotaging their relationship?
Now to the honeymoon suite. This is where I really show how old-fashioned I am……eeew. You are on telly! Anyhow, as soon as Christie flops face down on the bed, she is putting out a clue; “no sex tonight”. Then she leaves no room for doubt by making a cushion wall down the middle of the bed. Initially hopeful Mark, gets the message.
Eager Erin, on the other hand, wasted no time. She handled that camera man like someone schooled at the Russel Crowe school of Papparazi camera smashing, and threw him out with her hand over the camera lens. And placid Bryce probably wasn’t so placid that night. 💘💘💘💘
Surely Tarq and Dad have got this in the bag, despite the promo trying to make us think they’re having (another) shocker. Make sure you vote in our new Logies poll.
Tarq and Dad are making:
Entree: Thai prawn bisque with prawn toast
Main: Sesame-crusted tuna with homemade soba noodles
Dessert: Indian rice pudding with stone fruit compote
They are skipping all over Asia there but it sounds delish – is dessert too simple, perhaps?
Chopses (Eve and Jason) are doing:
Entree: Seared scallops with cauliflower and miso
Main: Sri Lankan beef curry with toor dal
Dessert: Spiced pears in butterscotch sauce with yoghurt sorbet
Curry should be lovely but the menu doesn’t really flow.
Mr Chops is getting on with the sorbet and continues his history of bad things happening when he touches lemon juice. This time it’s a real lemon, rather than a squeezy bottle, and he adds it to the dairy too early and creates instant curds. Down the sink it goes and it’s time to start again.
Over at the other kitchen, Tarq and Dad are prepping like mad and both manage to cut themselves. It’s blue bandaids galore. They are back on track quickly and speeding through a lot of work (who else wanted prawn toast when they saw Dad prepping that), while Chopses are on cruise control. They know their entree is simple but it will be “perfect”. Chops is not very good at chopping cauliflower – he looks slow as a wet week. Ooh – maybe the shock from the promo is that they don’t get a dish up?
Finally Eve gets on to cooking the scallops and dons a yellow glove on one hand to handle them, then proceed to touch them with her ungloved hand. But it’s taking ages, so Chops goes over to help and notes some appear to be raw in the middle.
It’s plating up time and Dad is feeling the burn – he’s sweating bullets into the prawn bisque. Doesn’t Manu have a velvet jacket lying around he can use to wipe his brow?
Both dishes look good but the prawn bisque is the one I want a big bowl of. What a relief to see them in control after the schemozzle of last night.
Time to chew …
Guy likes the way the scallops are cooked. Karen thinks the dressing needs more acid. Pete says they should have bammed up the miso.
Liz likes the toast and bisque’s depth of flavour and Guy agrees it’s a great teaser for the rest of the night. Fass thinks they could have added flavour with lime leaf or Vietnamese mint.
Time for mains …
Dad Mike gets on to the soba noodle dough while Tarq crusts the huge slab of tuna. Chopses’ curry is coming along but I don’t understand why they didn’t start it in a pressure cooker and then reduce the sauce later on the stove. Mr Chops makes a ginger cake for dessert and is only just prepping pears for poaching. Pears always take ages, but it will help that he’s halved them. The onlookers are impressed with Dad’s soba noodle-making technique, and noodle expert Jordan is called upon to let us know Dad’s doing a good job.
Token Jordan shot for Windsong.
I’d happily eat that daal but it’s looking quite mushy. As Anna comments, Tarq’s rice pudding is strange as they’ve precooked the rice. The wheels are starting to come off a little – they put the slab of tuna in a pan that’s too small, and in taking it out lose some of their sesame crust. They sort themselves out but Lauren and Carmine are worried they are serving the tuna as one big slice, rather than pretty cubes, as is usual. Chopses are rushing to fill their many bowls of condiments and sides. All credit to them for their support of each other and their apparent joy at what they produced. Time to chew …
Liz loves the tuna slab and Fass again disagrees, saying the raw to seared ratio is out of whack: “I think it’s a good dish but it’s a clumsy dish.” Fass think the curry is braised well but he and Guy say the daal is too mushy. Karen, however, likes the texture and Manu is Team Karen.
Dessert time …
Chops is making some butterscotch sauce and Curly Sis is worried the dessert will be super sweet. At least they have yoghurt sorbet to balance it. I don’t know why he went to the effort of poaching the pears in spiced liquor if he was going to chuck them in the sweet sauce anyway. Tarq’s rice puddings are looking awful – so awful they make giant turd quenelles from it. Have they never eaten a rice pudding before? They’ve certainly stepped off the gas for dessert. And then we finally get the “shock” moment, when this happens: Going …Going …Gone (nice floor cam, MKR)
They’ve lost five of their 12 pudding quenelles, but this could be a blessing in disguise as now they’ll have to use less of the stodgy-looking rice. Oh no – here’s the real disaster – they have leftover pudding and just quenelle some more.
Chopses are plating up their slabs of cake and feel sudden death has brought out the best in them – who’d have thunk it. Are those chops growing before our eyes?The charcoal plates were a good choice to make their brown elements look classier.
Time to chew …
Guy thinks Chopses’ dessert is not too sweet but Manu and the others disagree. The judges think the cake is dry and Fass says the butterscotch needed more butter. The judges taste the rice pudding and …. urgh … we don’t get to hear the comments. They must be baaaad! Dad and Tarq are on the chopping block.
The judges give their critiques … blah, blah …
Eve and Jason Chops: Guy 7, Liz 7, Karen 7. Fass 6, Pete 7, Manu 7. Total 41/60
Dad and Tarq: Rave reviews and then we get the dessert critique. Pete: “The rice was dry, fellas.” Manu: “I couldn’t really taste any flavours of India, either.” They hated it.
Guy 7, Liz 7, Karen 6. Fass 6, Pete 6, Manu 7. 39/60. Ouch! So Karen and Manu marked them down. If only they’d cooked a traditional rice pudding they would have got 8s. Bye Tarq and bye, Mike- take your lame Dad jokes with you!
The Chopses’ laidback attitude served them well in sudden death and they didn’t overcomplicate matters. I don’t think they’re in it for the long haul but they deserved the win tonight.
Well hello again, Dr Pete. Woo hoo – it’s Thursday night and Survivor is on. AND it’s merge time. Let the good times roll.
Let’s see what the fallout from the Dr Pete vote will be. Is Joe going to get sniffy with Aubry for crossing out Julia’s name at tribal council? I don’t think so. Last week’s “oooh” moment. It’s night 16, yellow tribe is back from tribal and Scot has his cranky pants on. He thinks Joe should have voted for Julia but Joe seems genuinely confused by all the whisperings that were going on. Why didn’t Scot just yell out at tribal: Hey, dudes, vote for Dr Evil. People have done it before and he knew it was unlikely Pete had an idol. Scot tells confessional: “I am absolutely going to be picking off the Brain tribe because of that – because of that indecision, because I can’t trust them.” He’s even narky at Aubry, who voted for the person he wanted her to vote for. Aubry is worried and for good reason – she should have talked a lot more with Beauties and Brawn before they got to tribal.
The next day Joe is worried … about Tai’s relationship to the chicken, which is like Father and Son. “He does everything with the damn bird.” The new pecking order: Tai, chicken, Joe. Over at blue tribe Cydney notices Neal walking round with a bulge in his pocket and susses out that it’s an idol, based on her experience seeing Jason find one. Is that an idol in your pocket or are you just happy to be trying to catch fish with a saw, Neal? Cydney whispers the news to Jason and they plan to flush the idol out at next tribal. But then a boat arrives and they learn they have five minutes to grab their gear and head off to the other beach for the merge. Debbie is thrilled: “I take the offence, pull people in, because people want to be pulled in. Everybody’s dangling.” Debbie discusses her former career as a marionette.
On yellow beach everyone’s just chilling when they hear hollering and see the boat with the blues heading over. Scot’s so happy he squeezes the life out of Julia and Aubry – maybe she’s forgiven.
Hugs all round and Aubry is especially relieved to see old tribemates Debbie and Neal. There are four Beauties, three Brawn and four Brains. Tai reckons Scot is his main ally, as he knows Tai has the idol. As they swig bottles of wine there is some awkward cat grring at the attractiveness of various tribemates (Debbie to Nick followed by a rather loud Jason to Tai). Scot vows to protect Tai from Captain TattoobeardAfter the feast Aubry fills Debbie in on the Peter vote, saying he went instance. Debbie does what she always does: Agrees with whoever is talking to her and reassures her. However, she seems to actually mean it this time.
Beauty Nick has been sitting back, watching the interactions and strikes up a convo with the Neal and Aubry about how tight Brawn are, and says he thinks the Beauties are divided, with Tai and Julia loyal to Scot.
Neal wants to get Brawn out because they are a physical threat and are bullies. Nick says he can pull Michelle in to join a Brains alliance. But Nick is keeping his options open – as he should – and Jason and Scot are happy to tell him Neal has an idol and to spill on their strategy. Wow, so many people trusting Nick all of a sudden. A West Wing style walk and talk. And then Scot does something that seems like a big mistake. Nooooo! He spills to Nick and Jason that Tai has an idol, and says not to tell Cydney. Scot, you should have saved that news for a rainy day. Jason is stoked to know they have the chance to make a super idol by joining the two idols – that’s the idol that can be used after the votes are read. Nick is stoked to learn the Brawns are so overconfident. But will he act on this info now or later? If Scot gets voted out, who’s going to carry massive logs around?The next day Debbie gets to work, schmoozing with Tai. “I really like you. I want to get in an alliance,” she tells him in front of the other Brains. He says ok and shakes hands but is clearly taken aback. The aggressiveness of the move puts him offside. Tai’s not happy. He’s smarter to stick with Scot as those guys won’t see him as a threat until he’s wormed his way to the last few days of the game. And then Debbie straight out asks Nick to be in her alliance, again in front of the other Brains. Aubry and Neal are not happy and Aubry mutters to her main ally: “She’s not being very finess-ey about the whole thing.” Aubry thinks they look desperate, which is a turnoff.
In the shelter, Jason presumes Beauty Julia’s on board with his anti-Brain alliance. Jason’s grand plan. He tells confessional: “Beauty always goes with the jock; it’s just the way of the world … we’re just shoving geeks in lockers right now.” Urgh.
He wants Aubry to go as it will be a surprise. And then, following last week’s sudden appearance in the edit of Beauty Michelle, we get Michelle talking strategy. She tells the camera Jason is too cocky – well, der! Aubry decides to take control of the Brains’ destiny – finally! “Somebody’s going to have to get her head out of her butt and start talking to people,” she says, knowing she has to do damage control for Debbie’s lack of subtlety. She catches Nick alone and they agree that Debbie has gone cray-cray. Can’t blame Nick after that horrible sexy cat growl Debbie did at the feast. Having a person in your alliance who irritates others can be an asset (look at Boston Rob and Phillip Sheppard), but not when you need numbers to survive the merge.
Aubry meets up with old pal Neal for a debrief and to discuss how screwed they are without two Beauties on board. I like how tight these two are – as evidenced by her asking “Do you have the idol?” and him replying immediately with: Come on in guys … it’s Day 19 and immunity challenge time and Jeff has his orange cap on. But before he outlines the challenge, he gets the contestants to talk about their injuries. Neal apparently has some infected scrapes, including a bad one on his knee. No surprise with the humidity in Cambodia and how physically tough the challenges have been. Jeff’s worried about their health, so he makes them stand in the sun to chat while he has a hat on. Scot and Aubry have infections, too. Ick, Aubry – but at least there’s no worm in it … yet.Tai joins the “mine’s bigger than yours game”, but his does not look as puss-filled. These guys need some antibiotics, stat. Jeff explains the challenge and – hooray – it’s the good ol’ balance balls on a platter trick. This would be a Joey Amazing and Keith Nale specialty in previous seasons (apparently it was introduced in 2011). It’s on like Donkey Kong. Before Jeff’s done saying balls as much as humanly possible, retired FBI agent Joe wobbles off his perch and Debbie’s out soon after. Then Jason goes after nearly five minutes and he chucks a tantie, slamming his platter into the ground. Sucked in, Jason. The balls are upped to two and we lose Michelle, Neal and Scot. Love the girls’ statue poses. Seconds later Cydney and Aubry are goners and left to do battle are Beauties Tai, Nick and Julia. Jeff is trying to break his record for saying balls in a challenge (yes, he’s a ball breaker): “Tai’s balls are banging in to each other.” Who’d have thought Julia would do so well? The Beauties last seven minutes with two balls, so they add another one to the platter. Julia drops, then Tai, so Nick wins first individual immunity. OMG – Probst touched me.Back at camp, in a confessional Neal, he of the gross knee, says it’s the Brains versus the Bullies tonight and if need be he may give his idol to Aubry. Nick is happy with where he’s sitting in the game. “I’m like the pretty girl at the dance: you’re either going home with the quarterbackback or you’re going home with the valedictorian. It’s fun being the pretty girl.” He touches base with Brawns and they are voting Aubry, hoping they can flush Neal’s idol out.
But Nick’s still keeping his options open, talking to the Brain guys, while the Brain girls butter up Michelle. We’re totally just swimming – not talking strategy at all. Michelle is interested but is not sure if, strategically, it’s the right move. She and Nick have a quiet word and she says, correctly, she thinks people wouldn’t give former NBA basketballer Scot and bounty hunter Jason the $1 million because the former is rich and the latter is a tool. They agree Brawn is the smarter choice to cosy up to and that Aubry should go.
In confessional, Nick says he wants to stick with Brawn because he can manipulate them and thrash them in puzzle challenges. Likely true but saying these things on camera is just asking to get your comeuppance, Nick. “They’re just idiots,” he says. He genuinely likes Aubry but she has to go. Nooo – not Aubry!
But suddenly a little orange-capped speck appears on the horizon, which can only mean bad news.
The last time Jeff set foot on a tribe’s beach in Survivor it was to tell poor Second Chances player Terry Deitz his young son was gravely ill. This time he’s brought Dr Rupert (do you think they hired him based on his name?) to check out their scrapes. Perhaps their insurance premium increased after the Caleb incident. The Doc is happy Tai’s scrapes are healing. Scot has some angry looking pustules on his thigh, which the doc will keep an eye on. Aubry’s infection looks even worse than at the challenge and Jeff has to look away. OMG – I can’t look. Dr Rupert says his options are antiobiotics or – gulp – … They are totally going to do this. And he goes on to explain: “Lance it, incise it, cut it open, drain it, clean all the muck out.” If he does this the pus will come out but the wound could become infected. He decides antibiotics are the way to go. Aww, Survivor – I really thought we were going to see Aubry’s puss being squeezed out. Guru Debbie, sporting the same braids we saw Cydney giving Michelle earlier, looks pleased she hasn’t lost an alliance member. Cydney’s smart, an athlete AND she does hair. Neal’s up next and he has a giant, infected hole in his knee. (Survivor history fact: The hilariously sarcastic Jonathan Penner was made to leave Survivor: Micronesia in 2008 due to a life-threatening knee infection.) And another one on his back that looks even worse. Sorry if you are eating, folks. Neal is worried medical will try and pull him from the game. “I feel good,” he tells Jeff. “I had eight hours’ sleep.” The doc’s not worried about his back, but the infection near the knee joint is a real worry as it can destroy a knee within mere hours. The doc tells Neal: “I want you to be able to run around and do this when you’re Joe’s age.” Poor Neal tears up: “I love this game, Jeff.” But it’s over. Bye, Neal – hope you and your ice cream pants get to play again one day. Neal says he’s been a fan of the show since it started 15 years ago and he worked hard to be a real competitor: “It’s been a great 19 days.” At least he gets to come back as a jury member once he’s been to a hospital for treatment. Will he have time to slip Aubry the idol? Not with that crowd of people hanging around. Perhaps he should have just pulled it out and given it to her in front of everyone. Tears for Neal, a lost idol and what might have been.
Jeff tells them there will be no tribal tonight and Aubry has, unbeknownst to her, been saved for one more day.
She’s spewing at the turn of events but eloquently philosophical in confessional: “Survivor is a path you have to pave yourself. It’s like going on the Oregon trail. You have to ford every river, you have to caulk every wagon, you have to go up the hills and down the hills and sometimes you get dysentery and die. You have to pave your own way.”
In the preview for next week the Brains are on the outs, but then we see Cydney having words with Jason. Go, Cydney! “Irritated Cydney will blow the whole game up,” she vows, and you know she’s serious because she’s using the third person. Please do, Cydney.
It’s the barbecue challenge and we know scandal is brewing for the Chopses. What do we think their shortcut ingredient is? More bottled garlic? Spice mix? Did they forget to slaughter their own cow?
And we’re at the Luddenham Rodeo for a barbecue challenge. It’s in Sydney and on a different netweork, so sadly no sign of Farmer Lance lassooing fillies.
They have to cook for the public with a marinade theme, Zana is scared of dirt (so they’ve dressed her in white), Lauren thinks Zana should get over it, yadda yadda yadda …
Pete’s big reveal: Only four of the eight teams will be safe.
And now Man Bun is out of the comp, the most interesting hairdo award goes to Mitch, aka Curly Bro. Let’s hope he’s not a tax evader, also.
Zana and Plus One are doing Eye Fillet Kebabs with rosemary potatoes and spicy ajvar (Plus One pronounces it ay-var). It’s a capsicum relish.
Lauren and Carmine are making Jamaican jerk chicken with rice and pineapple relish and she’s holding back on the chilli. How can you do jerk chicken without heat?
Anna and Jordan are doing homemade Sicilian sausage with focaccia and tomato relish. So a snag sanger with soz. Again they are showing their technical ability, making their own snags.
Laura and Mitch are going out on a limb with bush spice kangaroo with tortillas. Curly Sis is using a tonne of native spices – looks like someone’s been reading a lot of Jock Zonfrillo recipes. Kangaroo can be tricky to cook.
Straight off their sudden death win, Rosie and Paige plan to crank out pomegranate-glazed lamb cutlets with harissa pumpkin. Lamb is always popular with a crowd but they usually don’t do well in these off-site challenges, just like Zana.
The Dads are cooking BBQ scotch fillet with smoky potato salad. Yum – sounds delish but I hope their potatoes cook through on the barbie.
Dad and Tarq are doing Argentinian spatchcock, loaded sweet potato and chimichurri (which is a fabulous sauce of fresh herbs). Wonder how the rodeo crowd will react to spatchcock?
The Chopses are another team using chicken but they are using the whole bird. It’s bourbon chicken, slaw and jalapeno poppers. And Mr Chops whips out the bottle of lemon squeeze for the marinade, so that’s what all the fuss will be about. Seriously, guys – buy a bag of lemons, chop ’em in half and squeeze ’em. You’ve already been busted once. Fass comes over to berate them and Chopses’ defence is he needed a litre of juice for his 21 chooks. Yeah, if you were at your house, Chops, but not on tellie. Squeezy scandal.
Eve is saying anything to get rid of Fass and afterwards whispers to Jason: “Why didn’t you hide it.”
Jordan is making sausages to the tune of Kid Rock’s Cowboy when Fass comes over to stir up trouble, questioning whether Anna’s focaccia will rise in time and whether they are meeting the brief of a marinade. At the next table over, Paige can’t believe Jordan is taking on Fass, but it looks the cheeky chap has got away with it. A media career beckons.
Watching Zana trying to fry potatoes on the barbie is hilarious. There’s much oww-ing and oh-ing. Barbecueing in a tank top is not a good move.
“I need to go and have the longest bath ever known to human beings. Put some bleach on me and detergent,” she jokes. Surely Montenegran people barbecue? They’re big meat lovers.
We cut to Lauren doing the world’s worst Southern accent in a bit to build up this supposed Zana V Lauren feud, which I’m sure Zana knows nothing about.
Both the Dads and Tarq are doing chimichurri sauce – I was going to pick Tarq as the winner until he added honey to his.
Carmine and Chops are both having trouble with uncooked chicken, while Rosie and Paige are confident in their flavours and aren’t freaking out for once. It looks like the Chopses are in the most trouble when service starts.
All we hear from the judges is Fass’s “good, hey?”, so they’ve probably won.
To the strains of Black Keys’ Lonely Boy we get the last rush of food pushing, and Chopses still have dishes sitting on their table.
The judges’ verdict
Pete gives Anna and Jordan mad props again for their teamwork, a combination of her experience and his youthful twists. Curly Sis is chuffed to hear Fass say: “It takes balls to do that.” And that is why we love him on MKR. His pairing with Pete seems a more comfy one than the Pete-Manu screen presence. The Dads won the chimi-off. The lamb was Fass’s dish of the day and Pete says it was exceptional. Good to see the girls happy again.
I’m thinking the breakdown will be:
Top
Curlies
Anna and Jordan
Paige and Rosie
Zana and Gianni
Bottom
Chopses
Dads
Tarq and Dad
Lauren and Carmine
It’s Sudden Death time for Rosie and Paige V Man Bun and Non Man Bun. Go South Straya! Last time through the doors of Kitchen HQ for …??
You’d think Besties have this in the bag but Rosie is right – they’ve never felt the pressure of Sudden Death before. No mention of Paige’s injury as yet.
Manu’s back. Dammit. Thought he might have gotten lost on one of his “My France” jaunts and we could have lured The Khoo back.
The Menus
Miners (who are going with a chilli theme)
Entree: Five spice prawns with papaya salad and coriander dressing (just don’t put honey in the dressing like last night, lads)
Main: Snapper with green chilli coconut broth
Dessert: Doughnuts with chilli chocolate ice cream and rhubarb
All sounds delish if they can cook the seafood properly and balance their flavours.
Besties (Middle Eastern comfort food)
Entree: Cauliflower fritters with yoghurt soz and tabouli
Main: Roast quail with peas, mint and speck
Dessert: Flourless Persian cake with rosewater jelly
Yum, although I’m not mad on rosewater. Prepping quail is going to be tricky for someone with a thumb injury.
Strangely Rosie is not following the strategy of the teams in the last sudden death round of using packet stock and gallons of red wine to make her “juss”. Perhaps that’s why Manu was absent for the movies challenge – too much bad jus-jus.
Jordan yells out to a deboning Paige: “For every quail you do I’ll give you 10 kisses.” She shoots back: “Jordan, I just got slower; it’s weird.” Yep, they need to stay and HOLY MOLEY WHAT IS MANU WEARING?
I only had half an eye on the screen until now and missed the gloriousness of this: Not even Matt Preston dons purple velvet.
Looks like our main sideline commentators tonight are Carmine (Has Lauren lost her voice? JP and Nelly did mention she had been sick), Zana and Jordan. Miners and Lovebirds – this is how you make a stock.
Rosie is going like the clappers doing a million jobs while Paige is stuck on Quailgate, and the deboning is sending Paige a bit loopy. Rosie has to tell her to stop mucking around and you can see the stress starting to creep in. Keep it together, girls. These quail better be worth it. Imagine if they spend all this time on them and then overcook the meat.
With about half an hour to go Paige ditches the quail and gives Rosie a hand so they can at least get an entree out.
Over on the Miners’ side Alex is using a mandolin without the safety thingy and I can’t watch because that’s how I ended up in hospital years ago while making a potato bake (there’s a happy ending to the story – none of the blood got on the potato bake).
Luckily Gareth realises he forgot to put garlic in the curry paste. If I was Alex I’d be tasting everything Gareth was in charge of.
Gareth starts cooking their tempura prawns and – god love him – says he is “chooffed” with himself.
Plating up is done in the usual rush and both dishes look tasty.
Entree judging: The judges love the prawns and the dish as a whole, but wish they’d bammed up the chilli.
And they love the girls’ dish. Fass: “Cauliflower is the new rock star vegetable of the world at the moment.” Pete says it’s slightly better than the prawns.
Mains round
Paige gets back on to those damn quail while Rosie starts the cake. The boys were smart to choose something that could just simmer away. Will it be worth it?
Alex is doing a steam test of a snapper fillet (smart) while Gareth very slowly makes choux for their dessert, much to the frustration of the onlookers, who seem to regard him as an adorable doofus.
The girls are quite late getting their potato in the oven and they are freaking out over getting a main up. As Rosie says: “Ultimately, this could really change my family’s life.” Good to see them using frozen peas at least rather than wasting time shelling freshies but uh oh – Page forgot the quail. Use your timers! Have a Fuze tea and calm down.
The boys cut their fish to shorten the cooking time but they haven’t really tested the new size, plus they are adding even more chilli.
As they plate up Manu yells out: “Be generous with the soz – I love it!”
I know it’s edited to make each course look like it came down to the wire, but it genuinely looked as though the Besties just scraped in there.
Time for judging
I was going to pick the boys’ curry as my choice to taste – until they chucked chilli flakes over everything. Let’s see what the judges say.
Fass says the quail leg is great but the breast is a bit over. Pete loves the peas and Karen loves the jus. They give props for the quail deboning. “I was sold when I tried the jus,” says Manu.
On to the snapper. Guy: “I feel like I’ve just been punched in the face with this dish … in a really good way.” Liz says the fish has been respected. The other teams seem to prefer the snapper.
Dessert time
Gareth gets out the choux he made before and it’s gone crusty. Did he not cling wrap it? Ditch it, Man Bun! You can make a new choux. Choux life!
Rosie’s rosewater jelly does look pretty. Hope it doesn’t taste soapy. I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly … my cake is just delicious.
Paige is making pistachio praline, so of course chucks a nut at Jordan on the sidelines. (Windsong is going to be sooo happy with all the Jordan screentime tonight. I reckon he looked better with shorter hair, though.) Insert whatever filthy comment pops into your head.
Rosie manages to make mascarpone butter and Gareth is overcrowding the teeny fryer with his dough balls. At least they’ve done a rhubarb sauce to go with them, and rhubarb is always a winner in my books.
And then Curly Laura notices something is awry. What’s wrong with this picture?
The sidelines teams must not be allowed to yell out warnings, although surely that would add to the drama. So the Miners chomp through their “tester”, not realising it’s a balls up. No worries – just give that one to Pete. But, crisis averted, the boys notice and Alex scrapes out enough from the saucepan to make another ball.
The girls’ plating isn’t amazing and they decide to ditch the Persian fairy floss, which I think gave a nice height to the plate. On or off?
The boys’ dessert is the most visually appealing.
Dessert judging
Colin: “It’s a little bit doughy.” Karen likes the playfulness of it and the flavour combo. They love the ice cream, but the doughnuts were inconsistently cooked.
Guy loves the girls’ cake. Liz is impressed with their restrained use of rosewater in the jelly. Pete thought the cake looked boring but he loved the taste.
The scoring Miners:
The snapper is Fass’s dish of the day. They get props for everything except the doughiness of their doughnuts and going too easy on the spice in the entree. Manu loooved that ice cream: “Pack it – sell it into shops.”
Who’d have thought after their last few shockers they’d do so well. Well done, boys.
Guy 9, Fass 7, Liz 8, Karen 8, Pete 8, Manu 9. Total: 49/60
Besties:
The girls are stoked to hear Manu say their jus was beautiful. It’s all positive, apart from Fass mentioning the overcooked quail breast.
Guy 9, Fass 8, Liz 9, Karen 8, Pete 9, Manu 9. Total: 52/60
SA Besties win and Pete utters what could be the kiss of death for them: “If I was the other teams I’d be looking at you as a real threat.” Say what, Pete?
Bye-bye, Miners! You can go back to wearing collarless shirts that fit your chests and biceps properly.
Tomorrow night’s challenge is a barbecue one and it will be fun watching Zana try not to scream if a cow goes near her. Or a bird. Or a clod of dirt. And we are teased up for a big shortcut scandal involving the Chopses. Looks like they might have used a bottle of something in their marinade. We hear Fass berate them and Mrs Chops whispering to hubby: “Why didn’t you hide it?” Oh dear – just when they had redeemed themselves after RSL Jar-gate. Colin “Jar Police” Fassnidge is on the case.
It’s movie challenge night and the teams have to create a dinner box for 300 families, consisting of a star dish and some sides. So I’m expecting ads for KFC in the breaks, offering a similar product.
Tasia and Gracia look scared when they hear 300, but it’s not like they have to cook 300 actual portions of their food.
Paige is back after her hand surgery and I can’t see a bandage.
And in the next scene she’s driving the car to Coles, so that fish fin injury can’t have been too serious, even if they did have a break between filming (although later she does mention she’s having trouble carrying things).
Lauren and Carmine get to sit this one out because they won with the fisherfolks’ hearts with their straightforward salmon dish at the seafood challenge.
Are we missing JP and Snow White? Not on your Nelly. We spend a good minute promoting whatever car brand that is and the show is now called My Car With a Reversing Camera Rules.
Sisters are cooking Korean fried chicken with miso corn and cabbage salad. Yum – winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Jordan and Anna are doing Mama’s homemade pies with mash and peas. Anna is making not one but two pastries. Shortcrust is a quickie but puff is tough – these guys sure do like to challenge themselves. They are a world away from some of the others in the comp.
Mr and Mrs Chops and Zana and Plus One are first ones back to the warehouse, so they’ll have the longest cooking time. Chopses are cooking lamb rogan josh with pilaf rice and chapati.
Zana and Gianni are also doing lamb – always a crowd fave: Lamb souvlaki with lemon potatoes and Greek salad. We know from the ads they struggle with time management, yet they have chosen a dish that has a long cooking time.
Curlies are making katsu chicken bento box with pork dumplings. They’ll be battling the Sisters for title of tastiest fried chicken, but I’m not sure if another meat element is a good idea.
There’s more lamb on the menu, with the Dads doing lamb kofta with quinoa and pomegranate salad and haloumi (aka tastiest fried cheese in the world). It should be quick for them to make and sounds like something the grownups will love – just don’t think the kids will go for it. They could just eat the meat, since it’s on a stick.
Finally the boys arrive and get on to their cola ribs with onion rings and slaw. I hope they have enough time for their ribs to cook properly. It has a similar vibe to the tortilla they did well with at the Rio challenge, so they may live to fight another day.
Tarq and Dad are making chilli con carne with blackened corn and iceberg wedge salad.
Rosie and Paige are making pulled pork burgers with chicken bites and chips. Again, not sure about the two proteins in one dish.
The judges are watching the action and Fass is particularly excited by the thought of Anna and Jordan’s pies.
“I loike poies.”
Any Ben and Holly fans out there (if you have young kids you’ll know what I mean). He reminded me of the gnome. https://youtu.be/99bxsMNviZQ?t=7m34s
Pete is excited by the Sister’s Korean Fried Chicken. They are wisely slashing their drumsticks to help them cook evenly, so there should be no raw chicken disaster tonight. The girls are doing their bickering thing. “Concentrate on your mayo; don’t screw it up,” says Tasia. Or is it Gracia?
Zana is having potato dramas; they’ve stuck to the tray and seem to be swimming in liquid. They do not do well at these away from the kitchen challenges.
“Not happy, Jan.”
Fass pops over to spook the Miners and implies to Paige her planned method of cooking chips is rubbish, so you know there is trouble ahead.
The families start to arrive and it looks like it’s going to be a fun night for them. They’ve brought eskies with them, so hopefully there’s some backup food in there for if they get a dud dish.
Service starts and the Sisters’ dish looks delish. Anna and Jordan’s pies aren’t ready and Zana is, as always, not ready to serve. “I feel like I’m cursed with the outdoor kitchens,” she tells Confessional.
This gets the thumbs up and Fass notes a lot of work has gone into it. Good on you, Chopses – you started off shakily but are reaching new heights every challenge.
The Dads get the thumbs down for their bland koftas but the salad is tasty.
Tasia and Gracia are having trouble keeping up with the demand for their chicken, so the Miners kindly let them use their deep fryers. Aw, good on you, boys. You’re still learning to cook but someone sure raised you well.
Pete and Fass tear into the Sisters’ chook and they are loving it. I want a bucket delivered to my house. Fass: “I’m not going to talk; I’m just going to eat.”
Mitch and Laura (aka Curlies) rice is overcooked – which they know – but as a whole the dish is “flavour plus”. They’ still looking solid to make final four.
Oops – there’s no pic of Paige and Rosie’s pork sliders and nuggets, but you’re not missing much. As expected, the chips are no good (soggy) and Pete says the nuggets are all batter. The pulled pork burger is dry. Oh dear – no doubt the girls have had a few sleepless nights since Paige injured herself, and this is the result. They are definitely in danger.
The lamb is a bit dry and underseasoned (the second most often uttered phrase on MKR, after “where’s the soz?”) and the Greek salad doesn’t seem to be dressed. The pita bread is good, at least. These guys need to work on their time management.
We see the judges taste the pies and then just get Pete saying: “I’ve got three teams jockeying for bottom place and we need to pick two.”
Editors, is this meant to make us think the pies are bad? Because it’s obvious they are fabulous. Pete’s bottom three would have to be Paige and Rosie, Zana and the Miners. I think the Dads will be safe because they had other tasty elements.
It’s back to Kitchen HQ for the judging lowdown. We already know most of it. Curlies are stoked to hear Pete describe their tonkatsu sauce as “a revelation”. Zana’s dish was mediocre, and she knows it.
And now to the pie praise: “Mama did well. She knocked it out of the park,” says Fass. They did amazingly well to make the two pastries, chicken and leek filling, peas and cabbage, mash and their own tomato sauce. They have yet to put a foot wrong.
And People’s Choice goes to … no surprise: Tasia and Gracia. They are stunned.
And off to Sudden Death are … Rosie and Paige and Alex and Gareth. Not a surprise – Zana is lucky she makes awesome bread.
Poor Miners, but they absolutely deserved it.
So, sudden death tomorrow and the Wednesday synopsis is: A quintessential family favourite, the Australian Rodeo is the backdrop for today’s challenge. Teams must focus on creating an unforgettable marinade that’s full of flavour for their BBQ based dish.
Sounds an awful lot like a barbie challenge they did for MasterChef last year.
Go now, boys. Run – be free of your constraining shirts.
At this point does it matter who goes home? We know neither of these teams is going to be in the grand final. I guess I want the Miners to win because they are affable chaps who don’t do ridiculous PDA, but is that just prolonging their suffering?
Boys, use your mining cash to start a food truck selling Mexican food and juices. Put Gareth on customer service and you’d make a motza.
Hmmm, nice raw meat touching cabbage there, MKR fridge stockers.
And so the race to see who the not-quite-so-sucky of two sucky teams begins … But first, we check in with Paige, who recounts her fishy story and says she’s on the mend (but surely she can’t continue in the competition while recovering from hand surgery?).
Gareth and Alex’s menu:
Entree: Salmon sashimi with avocado puree and rice crackers (Sounds way basic so they’d better have awesome sushi knife skills. Seems unlikely.)
Main: Eye fillet with butter bean mash and red wine jus (Sounds like a Nev dish – should that be juss?)
Dessert: Chocolate mousse dome with cherry sorbet (Yum – hope they have been practising their tempering. Any dessert based on the flavours of a Cherry Ripe is a winner with me.)
JP and Nelly:
Entree: Polish borscht with caraway flatbread and dill yoghurt (What’s with all the soup’s this year on MKR? From the Cops’ gluggy pea and ham to Dee’s whatever that mess was with unfried chorizo, they’ll all been flops, despite not being technically challenging.)
Main: Roast duck maryland with potato and leek mash and red wine jus (Meh. Could be delicious but it’s not exactly inspirational)
Dessert: White chocolate mascarpone tart with caramelised figs and hints of earl grey (I believe I’ve made my view on the nothingness that is white chocolate clear.)
And they’re cooking … Alex confesses he’s only tempered chocolate once before but it looks like he’s been shotgunning YouTube videos. It’s going to be hard controlling the temperature under the studio lights.
Nelly is working on her tart pastry but there’s still time for nauseating pecks with JP. But what does official commentator Lauren think? She mutters (correctly) from the sidelines: “There’s too much love between them and not enough in the food.”
Gareth (aka Man Bun) says the dressing is “ponzu-inspired” and “We’re showing a bit of creative flair.” This does not bode well. If combining the sauce and avocado was a good idea, the Japanese would have started doing it centuries ago.
Both teams seem behind with their entrees, but who can tell, really, with the editing. Supposedly with 20 minutes to go Nelly yells “shish-kebab!” and remembers she has to make flatbread for the entree. And with 15 minutes to go their rice crackers aren’t in the oven and the fish hasn’t been touched.
Back from the ad break, Manu pretends he’s excited and tells Pete “We’ve got salmon versus soup; the ‘fat’ is on.”
Urgh – more kissy kissy. Nelly’s flatbread doesn’t seem to be baking in the oven so they pop it in a frypan. Allegedly with 60 seconds to go Gareth is cutting up his hot rice crackers with a pizza wheel.
“It’s a good bit of fish, but a few microherbs thrown on top, it just doesn’t cut the mustard for me.” Karen says the rice cracker wasn’t cooked enough. Colin is scathing: “What are you doing with all that time? … When we’ve seem some of the other dishes the other teams have put up …”
Time for mains … the boys get their sorbet in the freezer and start to unmould their chocolate. Their domes are breaking. But then Alex gets the hang of it and the crowd goes wild. The Lovebirds are also focusing on dessert – can someone please start their main!
Alex does a paprika and onion powder rub for his beef fillet and browns it in a pan that’s far too hot. Man Bun is entrusted with mixing lemon into butter.
Nelly is making potato and leek mash and is trying to get it smooth with a stick blender. But what does official commentator, Lauren, think: “They’re going to turn into glue.”
That’s twice I’ve agreed with Lauren tonight. Can someone check my temperature? Does Nelly not watch the show? It’s called a drum sieve, girl. And why is she cooking broccolini with oodles of time left on the clock?
Meanwhile, everything’s going wrong on the other side. Pete and Manu are exchanging alarmed looks at the thought of eating the Miners’ gloppy bean puree (Fass is going to lose it); the boys have forgotten to put the wine in their jus; and Alex has burnt some of the beef because he burnt the spices when he fried it earlier. Oh no, it’s actually because he had one of the ovens on grill. He’s understandably freaking out.
It’s the battle of the sozes, and the onlookers think both jus will be rubbish. The Mners’ meat is resting without a thermometer in sight, but luckily for them it looks nice and pink inside. Well, one fillet, at least. The other is almost raw. The Lovebirds are plopping their Clag mash and overcooked broccoli on the plate. We haven’t heard much about the duck, so it’s probably fine.
Some beef is blue, some is overcooked, the beans are stodgy. Manu: “The jus is just red wine. I prefer to have no soz at all.”
Fass: “I might not even come back – I’m that angry”
Jordan sums it up: “The butter has [pause while he tries to think of something nice to say] flavour in it and the leek was actually all right. Normally I have my red wine in a glass.”
As predicted, it’s a huge letdown after the highs of the Italians V Zana showdown where people made their own pasta and filo, stuffed squid, made risotto, etc.
It’s dessert time and the boys are quenelling sorbet like champions. Gareth starts making praline. At least the dessert will have a number of elements showcasing technique.
The Lovebirds take their tea-flavoured pastry out and it looks a bit blond but they seem happy. It’s certainly thin.
But then Nelly is having fig trouble and yet again has to be bleeped for swearing. I remember this from her instant restaurant – she was depicted as Snow White but there was a lot of bleeping.
Why didn’t she just torch them to start with? Perhaps because she was terrible memories of blow torch dramas from their restaurant – remember JP driving from servo to servo?
The Miners are plating up and it looks so much better than their last sweet effort: Not plated up by four year olds.
Yep, they’ve got this.
Tasting time …
The judges are delighted to have two dishes that look edible.
Guy: “Wow – it’s like it’s a different team.” The choc is well tempered and the sorbet is refreshingly tart. Fass would like a thinner dome but he’s just happy to have decent food. Manu eats everything on his plate.
Guy likes the shortness of the pastry. Colin: “It’s elegant, it’s feminine.” They all like it.
The Miners are judged first and Colin does some truth telling to their sad little faces, but they “romped it home” for dessert.
Scores: Fass 4; Guy 5; Karen 5; Liz 5; Pete 5; Manu 5. Total 29/60
The boys think they’re going home and JP and Nelly are hopeful, until …
Fass schools them in how to make a vegie trivet to stop duck overcooking on the bottom and says their soz was a waste of red wine.
Scores: Fass 3; Guy 4; Karen 5; Liz 5; Pete 5; Manu 5. 27/60
The camera must have missed Zana’s reaction, so instead we get: OMG
JP is so devo that Nelly has to do all the talking. Go have a cup of tea, JP.
Yep, see ya – don’t mind me while I fast forward through your kissing montage.
A reminder there’s no MKR Sunday but it’s back Monday with a feed-the-public challenge at a movie night. It looks like everything goes wrong for Zana, probably because they made her wear pink lippie instead of her usual villain red. Lauren must have gotten that shade – for when she’s throwing shade.
Let’s see who gets a raw deal after tonight’s tribe swap. Beauty are in a strong position numbers wise and seem unlikely to self-destruct as quickly as the Cagayan Beauties did (remember Morgan, Jeremiah, LJ, Jefra and co?).
Please can we have an episode where we don’t have to watch people suffering in the heat. Perhaps Jeff could send them all on a spa reward and bring them fruity cocktails to sip.
It’s Day 12 and we’re at the Brain tribe. Everyone looks knackered. Joe, the retired FBI agent, looks to have an infected finger and doctor Peter sees it as an opportunity to ingratiate himself with the tribe.
It’s no ear worm, but it looks painful.
He’s on the outs after his god complex got a full airing at the tribal council where his only ally, Liz, was voted out. Let’s hope that in real life he’s not as much of a a dick to the nurses and his patients as he is on Survivor.
Luckily, Neal the ice-cream entrepreneur sees right through him.
That’s Neal in the shelter keeping an eye on shady Peter as he treats Joe.
“We have four people that are aligned and we have one cancer named Peter,” Neal says, adding it’s now vital he finds the idol to keep it out of Dr Evil’s hands. And he does just that, finding the clue and the the map with the annoying information that it’s hidden at the top of the tree. Please, Survivor, enough of these treasure hunt-type idols. Just hide them like normal or do sneaky ones in public areas, as per the All Stars season – they were fabulous.
Neal does the stick-poking trick and gets the idol.
So that’s Neal, Tai and Jason with idols.
And now I’m worried that we’re seeing so much of Neal, when he’s usually a bit player in the edit. Is he on the chopping block in what we know will be a tribe shuffle? I was wondering what an ice cream entrepreneur was, so I googled Neal, and apparently he started his own business making organic ice cream and selling it at markets. The business grew and now he supplies restaurants and supermarkets in 50 states. Check out http://threetwinsicecream.com/ he has a coffee and dark chocolate one that looks delicious. According to insidesurvivor.com: “He is a keen adventurer that [sic] has climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, and driven an ice cream truck solo across the United States in 93 hours. He also lives on a 27′ sail-boat called The Incorrigible.”
Neal sounds like the perfect Survivor contestant, and not only because he has crazy hair and wears pants with an ice-cream pattern.
Come on in, guys! Jeff is wearing his green cap. Darn it – I thought he’d have the orange one on to cheer us up a bit after the trauma of last week. He does the “drop your buffs” and Cydney leaps for joy at the thought of getting away from the trainwreck that is the Brawn tribe. Everyone else looks gutted.
Jeff explains Caleb’s chopper flight to hospital but them in a tricky spot, as there is an uneven number of contestants in the game. So, there are six yellow buffs, six blue buffs and one red buff. OMG does red buff get to choose their tribe? Err, no. They have to go to Brawn beach by themselves!!
Nameless Beauties react to the red buff news.
It’s like Exile Island (which always sucked as a concept), but with a shelter already built and, hopefully, fire-making tools. The benefit is they skip the next immunity challenge so are safe, but people who get exiled are out of the alliance loop, so it’s a disadvantage coinciding with a tribe swap. After the next tribal council the red buff exile gets to join the tribe who lost a member. They pick buffs and they’re showing a lot of a worried Aubry, but it’s a misdirect. It’s …
Nameless no more, I christen thee Julia. Could be worse, Jules – you could be on Brawn with Jason and Scot and be called Blondie 2.
We haven’t seen much of Julia as Beauty never lost a challenge, so the narrative there was on Caleb and Tai.
Here’s the new blue tribe and it’s a fair split, with two of each BBB tribe.
But it’s a different story on yellow, where Scot is the only Brawn.
Beauty has two and there are three Brains, but Peter could well defect and turn on Aubry and Joe. Let’s hope Aubry gets to Tai and his fellow Beauty first.
The tribe swap has shaken some people up, not the least Beauty Michelle, who in what I’m sure is her first confessional notes her alliance of three is now on separate tribes.
She speaks!
You’re in danger, Michelle, because a) you’re a girl who will be seen as “weak” at challenges and b) you are on a team with fellow Beauty Nick who does not seem the loyal type and, c) you’re getting airtime when previously the edit ignored you.
The yellow tribe ends up on the Beauty beach, where there seems to be lots of fruit and one chicken left. Dr Evil is so relived to be in a new tribe, where the Brains have the numbers. Since they know Beauty Julia will join whichever tribe loses immunity, he correctly tells Aubry:
That would put Tai and, ummm, Anna ? in danger. But Aubry actually IS a Brain and knows he’s shady. Scot is hoping the Brains will do the logical thing and vote out a Beauty.
Still in blue and over at the old Brain beach Debbie grabs her new blue tribemate Cydney and shows her their tree branch “pull-up” bar.
The casting director must be stoked they went with Debbie.
I’m worried that if she goes deep into the game Debbie is going to end up a walking skeleton like Trish of Cagayan.
It hurts to look at you, Trish!Snacks and strategy.
Debbie is quick to decide she wants to align with Brawn, and goes on a coconut-gathering walk with Cydney. Cydney reciprocates. “I’ve been playing the dumb jock role,” she says in confessional. She hasn’t told anyone she went to an Ivy League school. Smart move, Cydney, because Jason and Scot might have targeted you. Then Debbie talks to Jason, who also doesn’t want another Beauty joining the tribe. Yep, Debbie’s in the swing of Survivor.
In her element.
No matter how she fares this season, she’ll be a returning player, for sure.
Over on the yellow beach Scot is suddenly much more likeable because he’s enjoying being around jovial and capable Tai. “I’ve got a man crush right now on Tai,” he jokes. Join the queue behind Caleb, Scot. “In my opinion he’s the number one most valuable member of the tribe right now,” he says, referring to Tai’s food-gathering, survival and social skills.
Anna, who was kind of the girls’ leader at Beauty, knows she’s in trouble as she is outnumbered and not seen as an asset.
Not those assets.
She puts her professional poker player skills to use by telling everyone about Tai’s idol hunting. Surely everyone’s been out hunting idols, though – that’s what you do in Survivor.
At blue beach, finally we get to hear from Beauty Nick. He know he and Michelle need allies, so fetches water with Jason. He tells the confessional: “When it comes to being manipulative, I think I’m the most intelligent person out here.” Whoa – touch of the Dr Evil there, Nick, but at least you didn’t announce it at tribal.
Jason is happy everyone is approaching Brawns wanting to team up and pretends to consider both options. But he has to be thinking about Julia over at red buff exile. Speaking of Julia, she wakes up lonely and feeling crook as from dehydration.
WILSON!!!!!!!!!
“People don’t know that I’m actually 18,” she says. Is she the youngest-ever Survivor contestant?
It’s immunity challenge time and Jeff has his cheery orange cap on. They start with a swim, diving to untie knots underwater and Scot proves he’s a physical powerhouse. Partner Aubry gets to hear the condemning Jeff commentary: “(Scot) Basically doing this first stage all by himself.” Come on, Jeff – the dude is a giant. He was only waist deep in water that Aubry couldn’t touch the bottom in. Please can we have a less-elaborate balance-type challenge soon where a girl has a chance at shining.
Still, once it gets to the puzzle stage they are pretty much even, with Debbie and Neal on puzzle duty for blue and poker player Anna and Dr Evil (who nailed the last puzzle) for yellow.
The win goes to blue, which means my fears about Neal’s sudden increase in airtime earlier were unfounded.
Happy blues.
Over at yellow, Anna knows she has to scramble, while Tai says he doesn’t want to join to list of players who’ve been voted out with an idol in their pocket. If he does play an idol and the others haven’t split the vote at all, one of the Brains will be in danger. Joe and Aubry want Tai gone, Pete wants it be Anna because she’s more divisive. They shoot him down but once he’s gone privately decide it may be better to keep the main provider around.
Later at camp Anna asks Peter what’s going on and, in front of Tai, he says it’s one of them. I like Tai even more when he tells confessional he can’t stand Peter’s arrogance. He tells the camera: “We can take Peter out. I can do it because I have the idol.”
And then he tells Anna and Scot his plan, and shows them the idol. Ballsy move, Tai – Probst is going to love this!
Let’s play “what’s hidden in my boot?”.
But will he actually do it or is he expecting Scot to tell Aubry so she will vote for Anna. I don’t know! How exciting.
Tai came ready to play. Can you imagine if he and Debbie end of on the same team and join up?
Aubry then tells Scot they are voting for Anna. He’s relieved because – and I hadn’t thought of this – he has allies in Tai and Jason who both have idols. If they join up they can make a super idol. Wouldn’t that be cool? He tells Tai none of this but advises him to hang on the idol. But there are eight minutes to go, so it can’t be that straight forward.
It’s tribal council time and Anna shows that, while she can rhyme, she doesn’t know it’s incorrect to say “Tai or I”. Vote her out immediately! Tai sells his work ethic and food-gathering skills. Joe tells Jeff he thinks the season’s twist is there are no idols. Really, Joe, the hostage negotiator? Tai grabs a hold of this coat tail and agrees. Aubry proves adept at answering Jeff’s questions without giving anything away yet making it clear to her tribemates they should not make a stupid move.
Time to read the votes and … Tai does not move!! Anna looks concerned. One vote Peter, rest for Anna!
See ya, Anna.
Everyone – except Anna – is happy with the outcome. So next week Julia will take her place and be on the bottom.
Great episode and no footage of people on the verge of death – hooray!
Next week on Survivor: We see Debbie flirting with Nick and suss Joe accusing Dr Evil of being a turncoat.
As per usual of late we start with the cast arriving on boats. Survivor has gone yet again with the BBB theme – Beauty, Brawn, Brains – and the cast have a lot to live up to after the joy that was Cagayan. The official name is Kaoh Rong, but let’s just go with BBB.
As the boats arrive we meet a few of the cast via confessionals. One of the Beauties (and honestly, he ain’t that pretty) is Nick, whom I know to be a former blogger for Rob Cesternino’s Survivor website – doubt he’ll reveal that to his tribemates.
It’s the usual free-for-all grabbing supplies off the big boat to pile on a raft.
Some contestants have interesting professions: there’s a bounty hunter, a former FBI agent, quantitative strategist (say what?) and ice cream entrepreneur (remember Eric, the hapless ice cream scooper?). And the standard Survivor professions: bartender, former professional basketballer, pro poker player, blah blah.
Caleb the “Cowboy” was apparently on US Big Brother, so let’s see if anyone recognises him. In San Juan del Sur one of the former Amazing Race contestants was targeted early, but her sister Natalie went on to win (granted, it was a terribly weak season).
On the Brains breach Debbie of the many jobs and constant yapping is already coming across as someone who will be annoying to live with – she knows everything, including how to start fire, and yet can’t start a fire.
Debbie likes to talk. A lot. Very fast. This is not a good thing on Survivor.
Surely at least one Brain would be wearing glasses they could use to get a flame?
Over at Beauty, Tai the gardener is the token kooky Asian guy with bush skills and is so cute. After being on a refugee boat from Vietnam, Survivor should be a cinch for him. True to form the beauty girls are sitting on the beach weaving palm fronds. Let’s hope one of them steps up and proves to have more strategic skills than the boring Cagayan beauties of Alexis, Jefra and Morgan.
At Brawn, the bounty hunter ex-military tattoo dude, Jason, is lifting heavy objects in the hot sun … just because. He’s already targeting the blonde real estate agent before they’ve even done a challenge, because she seems week. Postal worker Darnell gets the dubious credit of first sea poo of the season and drops trou very close to the beach. Still, his tribe doesn’t seem to mind.
Back at Beauty it’s a chicken run, and the girls decide to team up with Tai. One of the girls picks that Caleb was on Big Brother, but he actually comes clean to them before they have a chance to ask. Turns out he was in the military and is a former prison guard. He is an outdoorsman and proves it by starting fire. Kudos.
Over at Brains we learn elder statesman Joe, 72, was not just an FBI agent; he was a hostage negotiator. He gets a kick out of watching Debbie try to do things her way but knows to keep his mouth shut.
Pretty good for 72.
In the water some of the younger contestants, spearheaded by ice cream man, are already planning to pick off Joe and Debbie – the usual strategy. One of the plotters is an Obama lookalike and ER doctor
At Beauty we see Tai take off to dig around for an idol (yay – someone proactive), but his tribemates twig to what’s going on and this means trouble for him. Suddenly his calming energy has become “anxious energy”.
There’s already been chatter that there are a few medical emergencies this season, and in this episode we already see one of the girls, Aubrey, suffering from heat exhaustion and dehydration and having a mini anxiety attack. It’s alarming for her team as it’s only day two. So, the oldies could be safe after all.
At Brawn Jennifer the contractor is freaking out on the night vision camera because she thinks a bug has crawled into her ear and she can hear it crawling around inside. Poor thing – hope it’s not a tick.
Survivor kindly cuts to a shot of a vicious-looking beetle so we can imagine one crawling inside our brains. Her ear is bleeding and she is doubled over in pain – where is medical?
Poor Jenny is being driven mad, and it’s not by her tribemates … yet.
Jennifer is freaking out, screaming in pain and her ear is bleeding. Her tribemates are freaking at the thought of being a man down (and perhaps wondering if she’s actually nuts). Eventually we get a close up of Jenny lying in the shelter and a frigging bug crawls out her ear.
See that white wormy bug filed with ear blood crawling back into her ear canal.
After looking at it crawling around her outer ear for what seems like ages, her tribemates pick it off and squash it. Phew! Jenny’s no longer bugging out. And now it’s time for Jeff’s famous “Come on in, guys!”. Yep, it’s challenge time. To be honest, challenges are my least favourite aspect of Survivor, especially when the groups are so large that it’s hard to keep track of everyone. They are much more fun when they get down to individual challenges. But I note Jeff is wearing an orange and white cap for this one – we’ll see if it makes a reappearance. Anyhoo, let’s see if the Brains tribe here can redeem the reputation of Brains that was so sullied by the pathetic Cagayan efforts.
Wanna know what they’re playing for? Winner gets dry wood, tarp, charcoal, lighter fluid and matches. Runner-up gets a flint.
Over at Brawn Darnell dives in and immediately loses the goggles, which will put the tribe at a disadvantage. He’s going to blacklisted for this and gets obligatory “disaster” call from Jeff.
Beauty are working well together and Brains are not a disaster. Both are back at the beach while Brawn are still diving. However, the leading teams are struggling to get their boats in the cradle and Brawns close the gap.
At the puzzle stage Brains are in the lead (Spencer Bledsoe must be wishing he had some of these guys on his season). The Brains win, thanks in part to Aubrey’s effort on the puzzle, so that’s redeemed her somewhat after her bugless freakout.
Despite having no sleep due to an insect infestation, Jenny is doing most of the puzzle for her tribe. Blonde real estate agent is watching helplessly so the team tags her out. And Beauty comes second. So, blondie is in trouble. Even though Darnell stuffed up his not being a “weak” girl should save him. apparently, he was a lifeguard growing up but is not used to ocean swimming. He rightly surmises: “When people in this game are not talking to you; they’re talking about you.” It’s time to get tribal … Jeff is wearing one of nifty blue quicky-dry shirts. Bounty hunter Jason is not pulling any punches and immediately throws out the names of Darnell and Blondie (whose name is Alecia).
The “mental giant’.
Poor Darnell knows how much he sucked and is cracking a bit under the pressure at tribal.
Alecia tries to throw Darnell under the bus with “I’m a mental giant”, but weakens her case a teeny bit by conceding she sucks at puzzles. Then she tries to write Darnell’s name down without taking the lid off the tribal texta. Oh boy.
They vote and it’s a tie, so time to revote and see who flips. And … Darnell is gone.
See ya, Darnell.
Maybe that ocean poo came back to bite him.
Who’s looking good: Jenny from Brawn, having survived the ear worm, looks strong and seems wise. She’s not as quick to fire up as the more muscle-bound members of the tribe. Scott from Brawn also seems to be able to put his emotions aside. Anna the poker player from Beauty seems a student of the game and wants to play hard.
Who’s in trouble: Tai from Beauty; Manic Debbie from Brain; Mental Giant Alecia from Brawn. Jason the Bounty Hunter from Brawn is going to start to annoy people.
Many thanks to Erin, who sent this terrific recap in while I was at the Nick Offerman show. Ten gold stars for you, Erin.
I AM PEACEFUL, I AM POWERFUL, I AM PURE!
Chris and Julia open the show walking across the wobbly bridge – seriously thought Julia was going to stack it, that would have made good live TV! Ha! They cross live to the camp very quick to check out the celebs, with comments about Anthony and Fev being clean shaven for some reason …
Boredom must really be setting in. While Paul is away from camp for a few moments they set Akmal up to tell a joke that isn’t really funny but they will all laugh hysterically at, so they can gee up Paul. I feel like these mini prank moments are “you had to be there” moments.
More Chris and Julia and then we get a clip about all the Celebs missing home –the novelty of the situation starting to wear off.
Much hype about Warnie deep and meaningful with the celebs to be shown later in the episode – better be worth it!
Anthony and Bonnie chat about their respective marriages. Anthony talks about his relationship with Tim, his husband, and how they got married in NZ, and they discuss gay marriage in general.
Chris and Julia comment after this about how they are getting good, real conversations so early in the series.
Laurina’s reaction to being selected for Tucker Trial ain’t pretty! The others all give her positive thoughts. She is teary, apparently not upset but emotional. Warnie gives her a good pep talk, telling her to remain calm and to at least give it a go.
Right before they show the Tucker Trial Chris and Julia reveal they are going to show some behind the scenes footage during it, because it is vital to telling the full story.
Laurina arrives for the trial and talks about how emotionally exhausted she is. She must take getting voting in very personally. They explain she must lie in the “viper room” – basically a coffin – for 12 minutes, while 45 snakes join her. She must last 12 minutes; one star for each minute. She says she will think of her boyfriend.
Behind the scenes, they show the producers talking her through the rules. Laurina has a long-sleeved shirt on she plans to button up tight so nothing can get in. The producer is really keen for her to just wear a singlet, however, she is adamant about wearing the shirt. Not being able to convince her, they bring over Dr Chris to talk to her and, for her own safety, he basically tells her she must lose the shirt.
Back “on camera”, she gets in, lies down, they drop in some corn then “open the viper room”. She actually manages to remain incredibly calm throughout the whole thing. Seven minutes in the lights go out. After another minute or two Chris even has to tell her to her to be quiet as there is a head of the snake RIGHT near her head – she keeps talking, until Chris basically shouts at her to shut up, or something will bite! Even in the last minute two of the snakes (which both look like they would be as long as Laurina is tall) seem to be mating on her, she manages to lie completely still.
Finally time’s up. Chris and Julia are in awe. Laurina comes out just about delirious, having almost enjoyed the whole thing!
She tells Chris and Julia she meditated chanting to herself the phrase “I am peaceful, I am powerful, I am pure!”. Very proud of herself she heads back to camp. Back at camp they are all very excited to hear about the trial and look forward to a full dinner later that night!
A snippet containing much laughter about Bonnie having worn Val’s knickers! And this group seem very happy to “flaunt it” – even if they don’t “have it”!
Laurina invents a clay mask for her face – the boys think it’s hilarious. Thou Fev is seen giving his skin a quick rub, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him with a face mask on by the end of the series, ha!
Anthony and Bonnie have a chat about Versace wine glasses and whether they can go in the dishwasher. Paul stops by, with a look of agog on his face. He has no idea what they are on about; clearly there are no “Fursace” glasses in his house. They talk in depth about what kind of glass certain drinks should be served in. They tell Paul a drink tastes much better when presented in Versace or Waterford. I hope Anthony never comes to mine; his drink will taste disgusting in my Ikea crystal!
Apparently Chris and Julia have been copping flak for “canned laughter” on the show, so they show all the crew; there are lots of people in their tree house, putting the show together.
The food bag arrives. Tonight it’s angel fish and ricotta for the vegos. They seem pretty happy with the food, and give the chefs a big hurrah for their cooking efforts when it’s plated up.
Finally we get to the hyped Shane chat with some of the girls about his relationships. He and Simone still get on really well he says, despite what you read in the gossip pages. Apparently Liz and Hugh Grant are really good friends. When Shane would come back to Aust, Hugh would go for the weekend but was never around when Shane was there… The girls suggest that probably means there was more to it than just friends! He talks about not wanting more kids unless he was to fall head over heels in love with someone new.
To boost the celebs’ ego a bit they play Beat the Tweet – they must read out some tweets and have to guess who it could be about … they do pretty well with their guesses.
Time for Chris and Julia to pop in and deliver the news about the next Tucker Trial. Akmal and surprise, surprise, Laurina, will be doing Croc Bait, something about being stuck in a clear box in croc-infested waters. Annnnddd that’s all until Sunday night!
PS from Juz: Check out this tweet from Dr Chris just before the show aired:
