Tag: Bachelor in Paradise

Bachelor in Paradise – Americans day 2

Except more douchiness tonight from Daniel and Grant. I expect this is where we get the tears from Leah we saw in earlier promos.
Daniel is such an obvious dick that he has no hope with the ladies. Our Aussie girls are not fool enough to pash that buffoon, not even for a rose.
Jarrod’s face is so red he’s about to burst into flames from a combination of rage, jealousy and sunburn. I’m sure Keira will save him.



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Bachelor in Paradise – The American Invasion

The Americans storm Bachidise tonight, and it means war for some of our magnificent Aussie stallions, but it looks like none of the girls is putting of fight, especially Keira.
Well, actually, I think the annoying one is actually Canadian but that doesn’t sound particularly threatening, so let’s call him American.
Channel 10 must have seen that people are looking for viewing alternatives to the Commonwealth Games so we get FOUR DAYS OF BACHIDISE!



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Bachelor in Paradise – ep 4

It’s episode 4 already. I wonder how the ratings are going?
The premiere was the fourth most-watched show of the night (after Seven and Nine news and 60 Minutes), so a strong opener. But on day two it slipped into 14th spot, beaten even by Nine’s Travel Guides.
You can find out the latest ratings at TV Tonight website.


Is that Leah with Michael in this photo? Guess that means he’s still in the poo with Tara.



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Bachelor in Paradise – ep 3

Finally, Bachidise is back. After the constant stream of MKR episodes it seems odd to have a show that is not on five nights a week. Let’s hope it was worth the wait.
How will Jarrod react when he sees Blake is on the island? Hopefully Keira will protect him and any pot plants he has smuggled through customs.
The promos are treating it like Jarrod is the second coming – I guess it IS the Easter weekend. He is risen off the beach where Sophie crucified him for all of Australia to see.

Judging by the promos Jarrod is the second coming.

Everyone is chilling by the pool and Keira is doing tarot readings for the lads (and we learn Michael knows nothing about “tarr-at”. Even though she and Sam are unofficially paired up, and Michael has dibs on Tara (although nothing romantic has yet happened), when Keira gets the date card she chooses Michael. That’s after Mack proves he’s a master of antica …

…pation
Cut to footage of Tara moping on the day bed and looking a bit teary eyed.

C’mon, Tara, you know how this works: the producers ask Keira to stir the pot and she happily obliges.
Meanwhile, Flo is regretting having picked Jake at the rose ceremony because, surprise, surprise, he’s snubbing her now he has a rose. She’s hoping for some fresh meat.
On their date, Michael and Keira are going horseback riding on the beach. I am waiting for Keira to scream and fall off. They get to wear ridiculous helmets with a woven palm frond hat on top.


Flo is right: fresh meat has arrived but, unfortunately for her, it’s Jarrod. Can’t see them pairing up. I just really wish she’d stop wearing that loose one-piece swimsuit – it’s very uncomfortable watching her on the cusp of a wardrobe malfunction.

Everyone is sooo excited to see Jarrod – he’s the biggest celebrity on the island.


And he comes with a date card. Cut to Flo telling the camera he’s a clinger. Jarrod takes all the girls off one by one for a chat and a goss. Blake gives him the stink eye when he takes off with Laurina.
Meanwhile, Tara and Sam are having a chat and cracking each other up with their childish humour. I can’t really picture Michael laughing.
He’s off telling Keira how much he wants to get to know Tara. There are zero sparks. It’s like watching two planks of wood that have washed up on the beach.

Here comes Ali from Adelaide and it’s such a big event we get pounding orchestral/biblical music. Ali reminds us that she tried to kiss Tim on the first date (awkward!) and was regarded as a “stage five clinger”.


Jarrod is instantly smitten. She is very attractive but, like most of the people on the island, she has the unmoving Nicole Kidman forehead.
Oh, and Flo is quick to point it out. She is not happy Jake is talking to Ali. Oh Flo, just get over it already. You knew this would happen.
Wow, they are bringing in the newbies quickly – here’s Megan saying hi to Osher. We get the recap of Megan rejecting Richie’s rose and knocking the wind out of him. And then a shot of her and fellow contestant Tiff together – although none of their raunchy bikini shots. She tells the camera she is open to dating a guy or a girl.
Osher gives her a date card but there’s a twist and he can barely contain his glee as he explains it. She picks her date based on written anonymous personality profiles. This will be interesting. Don’t let it be someone boring who is already taken.


We learn Megan likes “manly” men and curvy women. We need Cam the firefighter and Elora the fire twirler, stat!
She’s picked Jake. Bleaurgh. Boring!
Jarrod finally gets to chat to Ali. She says all she watched of his season was the finale rejection. Probably a good thing. Things are going well into Mack comes over to be a third wheel. Even Leah is a little jealous. Finally, I am actually learning things about Mack – he owns a window-cleaning business in Perth. He likes Ali. “I’m chuffed speaking to you,” he tells Ali.
Michael and Keira return from their date and Keira is delighted to see Jarrod – they’ve been chatting via Instagram.


Keira compliments him on his eyes and his tan. Umm, Keira, Jarrod is never going to have a tan unless you take him to wherever you get yours. She is playing hard.

Meanwhile, Megan is waiting for her mystery date to arrive. She seems to know Jake already. They met at a party a year ago but have stayed in touch. Is there anyone Jake does not know?
What the hell is Megan wearing? Or rather, not wearing?

Back at the poolside area Michael is trying to show Tara that Keira means nothing to him. “I’m foine,” Tara tells him in her best Kim Day voice. But she’s not. Michael is panicking.

This is Michael’s panicked face. And also his calm face. And his laughing face.

Tara is totally blowing off Michael. He is stunned.
Jake goes in for a pash with Megan just before they enter the doors to to Bachidise.
And that’s the end – so the next episode will be all about the Flo fallout. And Jarrod – who gets to wear a hat that is not the communal black felt floppy – takes Ali on a date. Cue Keira tears.
So, no Laurina tonight? Who’d have thought there’d be a show where Laurina was just backgrounded.



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Bachelor in Paradise – episode 2

Can we cut straight to the big question: What discount does the Bachie wardrobe department get for ordering men’s linen shirts in bulk?
Tonight no doubt the Flo/Davey/Jake drama continues. I’d like to see Flo kick them both to the kerb but we already know it will be the other canon fodder we’ve seen all too briefly.
RECAP
Flo and Jake head off on their date, walking through the rainforest to a waterfall.
Meanwhile, back at the resort Davey is moping around, whining that he likes Flo. He’s decided to wear a felt hat because that’s the perfect thing for the hot, Fijian summer climate.
We get a shot of Nina and Eden (the one no one remembers) having a nap together on a day lounge. And apparently Leah has told Mack he’s safe. So there go two of my early boot predictions.
All the boys are running the numbers for tonight’s looking rose ceremony and they are worried.
Here to add fuel to the fire is Sam. Remember voiceover man Sam with the odd blond ponytail? He made such a good start to Sophie’s season, turning up with his gorgeous little nephews. And it was all downhill from there.
Blake is ecstatic to see his bro Sam and they embrace passionately. Tara is not so happy:”No f—in way – he’s not getting a rose from me – I’ll tell you that much.” We definitely like Tara.
Nina and Lisa share her opinion – ticks for both of you. Davey sees the arrival of another dude as the final nail in his coffin. Keira could well pick someone like Sam just to stir things up.

Flo and Jake have a big pash at the waterfall despite her saying she does not want to give in to his magnetism.
We learn Clooney Luke really likes Lisa and apparently Tara and Michael have been hanging out.
And we learn they need to edit The Bachelor and Bachelorette like they do Bachiedise, because it’s fun seeing the outtakes of them talking to producers and demonstrating many of them have a limited grasp of English. Even the subtitler is quick to go for a gag by making it clear Keira does not know the difference between dreads and dregs. Even though he’s a dread, Keira is leaning towards giving newbie Sam her rose – his mocking of Bachie Richie probably helped.

Flo and Blake return and Davey acts like a kid who had his Tiny Teddies stolen by Jake. Jake has said several times he does not like drama. YOU ARE ON A REALITY TV SHOW! It’s nothing BUT drama. Meanwhile, Flo tells the girls she might not give Jake a rose. Davey’s still in with a shot. Everyone else is keen to discuss how things will pan out.


Michael, it seems, is not part of the bro gang. The talk then turns to Mr I Don’t Have a Girlfriend. Apparently his girlfriend could be coming on the show, so Tara has asked the other girls to keep him around. Hmmm – not cool. (The interweb says this is his Not Girlfriend – she’s from Matty J’s season. bio here)
But before that drama can explode here comes Ms Dirty Street Pie herself, Laurina. We learn that at home she likes to write inspirational mantras in her journal. She arrives at the resort with a date card. Blake’s eyes light up. I don’t think he knows who she is. He whisks her to the side almost instantly and tells her he has reevaluated some of his more douchey behaviour since appearing on TV. Hopefully this also means no more assaulting people.
Michael tells the camera he woudn’t mind a crack at Laurina himself, if things don’t work out with Blake.
Laurina’s date consists of them being told to lather themselves in volcanic mud. I notice neither of them puts mud in the other’s hair, because they are both no doubt proud of their hair. They end up having a pash in the water. Blake seems genuinely smitten. Laurina is matter of fact about it.


Meanwhile, a furiously fanning Tara is upset at the perception she is pressuring the others to keep Mr I Don’t Have a Girlfriend. There are tears on the beach and our first plaintive wail of “I don’t wanna be here!”.


Tara did not know Brett and Steph had told the producers they were both single. A producer straight out asks if he is in a relationship and after many politician-worthy avoidances he says they were seeing each other previously but it was never Facebook official. Total douche move. Tara has been played so they can get a free holiday.

Later, Osher interrupts an impromptu volleyball game to announce the rules of the first rose ceremony. So it’s back to the Flo-Jake-Davey triangle.
(By the way, can the producers please make the contestants wear more sunscreen. Blake’s nose was bright red and Flo’s back, too. I fear for ranga Jarrod.)
Everyone’s keen to know who she will pick.

The rose ceremony begins.
The first lot of picks all goes as expected: Nina and new beau Eden, Leah and Mack, Keira and Sam – whose hair is looking worse than ever thank to the humidity, Lisa and Luke, Laurina and Blake, Tara and Michael.
Flo is last and looks like she is trying not to vomit. She picks Jake.
So Davey and Mr No Girlfriend are gone. Does that mean Ms No Boyfriend Steph will no longer be coming on the show?

In the promo, we see Flo kicking herself for picking Jake and Megan (the one who dated Tiffany from the Richie season – that’s season where Richie gave the final rose to Alex and she also ditched him for a woman.) Ali and Jarrod also arrive and it seems the new love triangle is Ali, Jarrod and Keira. The question is: does Ali know she is in triangle. It’s probably more a love line.

And that’s it until next Monday – a whole week until we go back to Bachiedise! I’ll leave you with this demonstration of Keira’s mastery of the English language.



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Bachelor in Paradise premiere

Bachelor in Paradise is about to start for those on the east coast.
Still half an hour to go here in Adelaide, but chat away.
If you don’t want spoilers, wait until it’s aired in your state.
Let’s hope it’s bad/good TV.
No doubt they will save some of the big guns for later in the season so I’ll be interested to see who’s in the cast for the first show.

Bachidise continues tomorrow and on Wednesday Ten has programmed good ole Bondi Rescue, with Rove’s movie show on Thursday (I watched it last week. Not bad and should improve once they settle in. I do miss Spicks and Specks, though.)

IT BEGINS …
Ah, Fiji. So glad I’m visiting you again in June but at a resort that’s sans Osher.
Osher greets us at the resort and he’s obviously loving the island life. He seems happy and relaxed.
We get a montage of ugly crying, scuba diving and passionate embraces. There’s a guy with a shaved head doing a lot of pashing but I can’t pick him.
First to arrive is Tara, the loud, down-to-earth nanny one from Matty J’s season. She’s excited to see Osher’s hair – aren’t we all – it’s standing firm despite the humidity. Love her white and green tropical frock.


Tara gets chatting with the barman, Wise, First Dates style. I hope he becomes a regular part of the show.
Next up is Michael, the smooth soccer player who Sam Frost rejected. He is going to get very hot in Fiji if he continues to wear such tight clothes. Belted shorts? Get a sulu, Michael. Chafing is going to be a major issue.

Tara does her usual guileless blurt about how sweaty she is and Michael is not sure how to react.

Next is Luke from Sophie’s season (the one with the Clooney-ish greying ahir and stubble) and Lisa from Blake Garvey’s season (I only started watching after that season, so Bachie fans will have to fill me in on what she’s like).
And here comes our first “villain”: it’s Leah, the former topless waitress. Here comes jokester mummy’s boy Davey from Sam Frost’s house. I remember he was pretty immature.
Brett from Sophie’s season is apparently mates with Tara. He only lasted a few minutes on that season and Tara immediately spills to others Brett is dating her friend. Why is he on the show? The voluptuous Nina from Sam Wood’s season has changed her hair colour. Another linen shirt arrives – it’s Eden, who lasted even less time than Brett on Sophie’s season. He seems to have a sense of humour.
Davey and Leah get their flirt on. Here’s Florence from Matty J and her blunt humour continues – “the Dutchness” has been milked out of her by show. So, no visits to Fijiian tulip farms, then?
Leah is tossed aside by Davey the minute Flo arrives. So he has some sense at least. Ah, that’s right – I forgot she has an under-the-cleavage tatt. Cue the crop tops.
These blokes are going to have to start wearing coloured shirts if we are going to tell them apart.
Mack from Sophie’s season arrives. Ah, Mack – he was one of the nice “older guys”. Does this means lovely James will be on? Thank god Mack is wearing a coral shirt.
There will be no trouble spotting Blake, though, as he’s wearing black and pink watermelon PJs. Hmmm. I am reminded I must like Nina because she tells the camera she feels no urge to get to know Blake at all.
Jake, the tall, dark brooding one from Georgia Love’s season arrives and he is hoping to meet Megan. That’s Megan who went on the Bachelor in Richie’s season and ended up dating fellow contestant Tiffany.
Turns out Flo and Jake have a history. It’s implied they were hooking up for a while.
After a dip in the pool it’s time for Osher to do some talking, and “Tarsy” tells him he’s bring back so many memories.
“Of that time I dumped you on national television?” he quips. Snap! I like Fiji Osher. He asks if everyone is single and Brett – who Tara said has a girlfriend – half-heartedly raises his hand. Then he’s shown avoiding a producer’s question as to whether he’s single. I’d say he’s been cast just so they can dramatically boot him.
Osher explains the women will be in charge of the first rose ceremony. There are eight men and five women, so three men are going home. I’m guessing Mack, Eden and the guy with the not-girlfriend.
The first date card is handed out and it goes to Davey. He has the hots for Flo but is worried by her past thing with his mate Jake, who apparently actually likes Flo for real, so he chooses Leah. Feisty Flo is not happy. He’s burned his bridges there.


Leah tells Davey the others have picked up on his somewhat desperate to stay vibe.
The girls pump Flo for info on her past relationship with Jake and she says they have not spoken since they had a blow up. Meanwhile, Jake is on the other side of the pool telling Mr No Girlfriend Flo will definitely pick him because they’re cool. But Tara tells Flo that Jake is a “waste of space”. They live in the same town and know the same people and Tara reckons she has him pegged. Juicy!
Please, can we just get Flo a nice, smart bloke?
Davey and Leah get a fire twirling performance which just reminds me that we are going to get twirler Elora at one stage because she pashes on with Megan in the ads. They have a pash on the picnic blanket but Leah is pulling away. She tells the camera afterwards it was “half-arsed”.
Flo sits Jake down for the chat – the producers must love her forthrightness. Instead of bitching about him to other people like most Aussies she comes straight out and tells him everyone else has warned her off him. He gets defensive.”Why do you play the victim like this?” she says. Please, Flo, stick around – you are the most interesting thing on the show. “I need to go to the bathroom,” he says, instead of responding with how much he likes her. Flo: “I’m not going to sit here and wait for you.” Good for you, but now I think she may give him the rose out of sympathy.
Davey and Leah walk back holding hands and everyone spews a little in their mouths. Flo walks off showing some dangerous side boob. But Leah tells the girls it’s only day one and she’s not ready to “suck his face off”. Tara sagely notes their “relationship” lasted as long as it takes to eat Two-Minute Noodles.

After sleeping on it, Davey decides he is pro Flo. He tells her he did not want to upset Jake, but this just shows her how easily influenced he is.

And here comes the drama – Keira is arriving. And she’s had a boob job, it seems. She tells Osher she has a soft spot for Jarrod but it’s too soon since Sophie broke his heart, and she does not want a man who’s prettier than her. That could be tricky – there are a lot of men on the island who put in hours in front of the mirror. She tells producers she could never date Michael because she “can’t do the teeth”. Lol. Jake makes a beeline for Keira, sensing a lifeline.
The next date card arrives and it’s for Jake. Go on, Jake – take one of the boys! He does indeed wander off to have a chat with bros Davey and Brett.
Flo and the girls are fanning themselves furiously at the bar and even Keira is surprised there is so much drama so soon.
“Jake’s being dodgy; Davey’s being a little shit. Can I get a Panadol, please?” Flo says.
But in the end Jake DOES pick Flo.

Oh – that’s the end. We get a quick preview of their date at a waterfall tomorrow night and some blow up over Mr No Girlfriend. That was abrupt.
So, what do we think?



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Bachelor in Paradise starts Sun

The show we’ve all been waiting for starts on Ten at 7.30pm and runs until 9pm.
Should do quite well, given MKR is on an extended break. While there is a large group on the island at the start of the show, new contestants arrive on a regular basis. I will be interested to see if there are any Survivor-like alliances formed, so people can save their friends from being eliminated. I’m thinking Jarrod won’t last long, although the producers would be desperate for him to stay.
The blurb for the following night (Mon, 7.30-9pm) says: The women’s power in the impending rose ceremony tonight is playing on everyone’s minds, with speculation mounting on whether there would be any new arrivals beforehand to stir things up.



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Bachelor in Paradise airdate

Ten announced today Bachelor in Paradise will start Sunday, March 25. That’s the one with Jarrod, Keira, Apollo, Laurina et al.
And I just realised from reading this Marie Clare article that annoying Sam with the crazy hair is in it and bad boy Blake, plus a couple of former exotic dancers.
Next Sunday there is a special All Stars Family Feud episode of Bachelors V Bachelorettes on Ten, from 7.30-8.30pm.



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