Farmer Wants a Wife Wk 2

Generally, the farmers seem a decent bunch of blokes. Perhaps one or two of the girls are in it for the fame but it’s certainly not MAFS-level casting.

I enjoy watching a show where the only duck lips ot on actual ducks.
FWAW screens on Seven Sun, Mon and Tues.



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Farmer Wants a Wife starts

The FWAW reboot starts tomorrow (Sun) at 7pm on a Seven.

It has a decent track record for some of its farmers finding true love so fingers crossed this season will be the same. You can read a “where are they now?” https://www.nowtolove.com.au/celebrity/tv/farmer-wants-a-wife-couples-where-are-they-now-35942

Will you be watching?



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Farmer a Wants a Wife – Mar 14

It’s the end of the road for what’s been a pretty flat season of FWAW. Might be time to give it a year off and ponder casting options.
Guest recapper Daisy will give those of us who were watching MKR instead the lowdown once the show airs in WA (thank you!). In the meantime, here are some non-spoilerish tweets.

We have already arrived at the finale. Have the producers fast forwarded the show this year? In previous years, I seem to recall, city visits took up a whole episode. Anyhow, after 10 days farmstay, the farmers each farewell their girls and then take some time alone to consider their verdict (if that rings a bell, you are as old as I am). Remote Pilbarra “Chopper Charmer” (not sure which choppers they mean) is putting on a brave face, and once again, he chokes up with emotion. Julz is rapt in Melanie, so that’s a done deal, although, according to Alex, he is punching above his weight.

Now it’s reunion day and we are back at the big house in the Hunter Valley. It’s one whole month since the the end of the farmstays. The farmers all rock up, and wardrobe  and make-up have them all looking pretty sharp. Everyone’s hair has been cut and styled, all teeth have been whitened. The farmers are all smiles and everyone is saying what a positive and amazing experience it has been. No one has any regrets. At least that’s what the cue cards said. Smiling face with open mouth and tightly-closed eyes

Time for the Love Seat grilling and Julz is the first cab off the rank. He is aptly coy and smiling, as the pretty but (yawn) dull hostie asks the usual (yawn) inane questions we have come to expect from this part of the show. This hostie is less annoying than last season’s girl but equally inane. She can probably blame that on the inane questions she has to ask. Anyhow, after the flashback to Julz’s city visit, it’s time for the big reveal….and it’s Melanie. She hadn’t gone off the boil, so they hold hands on the couch, then Julz takes Melanie to meet the boys who are waiting around, beer in hand.

Next up, Jedd. He had an “amazing experience”. Samantha was “amazing”. Kerry was “amazing”. Can this show really be scripted? I thought Sam had it in the bag but Jedd is still sampling. On his city date, blow me down, he is test driving Kerry. With no Gregory in sight, Kerry gets Jedd between her legs, but in the end his choice is…..wait for it….. Sam. Jedd is a goofy goof ball, but cute. Sam is gorgeous, in a toothy girl-next door way, so they make an adorable…..no, amazing couple. They didn’t hold hands on the couch, but Sam did wipe the drool off his lips, so that could mean the L word.

Now it’s rtv veteran, Lachlan, who has done enough of these shows to qualify for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. In fact I got the feeling that he had spent most of the series thinking he was in I Am A Farmer, Get Me Out of Here.  Lachlan has chosen Belinda, after he gave his other girl a serve. Belinda likes Lachlan for his witty banter and dad jokes. They are both taking things in their strides. Lachlan introduces Belinda to the boys at the bar and Jedd’s eyes pop for Belinda. Down boy. You chose Samantha.

Lancie is up next, but not in the way he hoped. He headed to the big smoke to meet Lisa, who greeted him wearing pedal pusher jeans spangled with rhinestones. She must have one of those 80s rhinestoning kits. Although Lance had goosebumps being back at Hunter Valley, where it all began, he just didn’t have goosebumps for Lisa. So Lisa packed up her rhinestone cowgirl clothes, and is still looking for love. Not even channel 9 lawyers can make Lancie rope and brand a filly unless he’s feeling it 100%.

They seem to be saving the best for last, because next up is Adam. Now Hayley was the initial front runner, like a cute little blue-eyed princess, but it was Taryn who put in all the hard work, and it looked like Adam might lean her way. Come city date though, and it was Hayley who Adam visited, and it was still Hayley sitting beside Adam on the Love Couch in Hunter Valley. Too bad Eliza.

And finally, it’s Farmer Matt’s turn. We are told Matty had the toughest choice of all. Not sure why.  Matt visits April (well she’s hot, so what guy wouldn’t) and he surprises her at a park. She just happens to be there cooking sausages, with her entire family. Everyone meets, and Matt and April show how they can both skate really well. Fast forward to the Hunter Valley house and the legs coming down the stairs, balancing on really high heels…..is still April. Yep. Matt chose April. April coos that Matt doesn’t know how amazing he is. Then calls him “dude” again. But she rubs his arm and Matt blushes like a school boy in love with his hot 4th grade teacher.  Everyone’s is toothy. Hostie is smiling. April is smiling. Matty is smiling. And I am thinking of those clowns at the royal show.

When Matt walks into the bar with his arm candy, all the farmers drool on cue. Then the country band plays, while all the farmers pretend to have found the loves of their lives.  Everyone snuggles, except Lancie, who is out in the men’s toilets texting Karen…..and Lorraine. Revolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving hearts

Good luck Farmers, and Cowgirls. Thanks for letting me take the p*ss. Thanks readers. I hope you all find love. 😙😙😙

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Farmer Wants A Wife – Mon, Feb 22

Over to Cowgirl Daisy for her recap – yee ha …
We are getting down to the barbed wire now and tonight Adam, Julz, Jedd and Matt must each break another heart and send a girl back to the big smoke. Do you have any favourites, readers? Any guesses?
This week Lance has bounced back from losing Karen, but then he’s accustomed to being thrown off a bull so he can manage being ditched by a filly. Lance is giddy with lusty anticipation. He is looking forward to studding himself out. Matt seems to be enjoying the experience, and why not? He has three pretty girls in short, shorts and singlets. He looks as used to this as Elvis in Harem Scarum. Lachlan is starting to look bored and jaded and a bit over the whole RTV thing. Julz is sincere and Jedd is just starting to warm up.
Matt gets a good spiel with alliteration from the narrator; “helicopter hottie has fallen headfirst”. It’s a heart throbbing harem hootenany hayride. I am thinking, “go for Amelia”. Gabi flashes an ugly tatt. Matt flashes the choppers. Are they real? My mum wants to know. I told her “yes”. Amelia scoops poop and April wrassels Matt.
Julz is wavering, and Melanie gets a date. Julz takes her to sit on an old blue couch in a woodshed. And then they have snags. Julz is quietly confident. They snuggle, and share a sausage flavoured smooch. Are there fleas in that old couch? Megan and Alex hope so. In Coffin Bay Jedd is looking for “trace elements” in his girls. What the hell does that mean? Anyhow, he’s an oddball, but kind of cute in a doofus CSI way.
Adam, who has a cerebral approach to love is thinking hard, like he is choosing lotto numbers or doing a school project, as he weighs the pros and cons and considers the attributes of each girl. Hayley volunteers to drive the ute, but Tarryn gets the date. Adam reminds Tarryn that it’s still anyone’s game and there are two other girls. Gee, Adam. Tarryn plays, “I’m cold”, but Adam misses his cue. Someone slap Adam for being a dick. Next it’s Hayley’s turn and it’s fairy lights in the hay shed. Having spent time on farms, I know that hay stinks, but Hayley is thrilled, and even more over the moon when she sees chocolates and strawberries. Adam congratulates himself on his technique, but then frog marches Hayley back into the house before she starts getting ideas. Of course it could just be that Adam knows his Nanna is watching.
In the meantime, Lance has taken his girls shopping for boot scootin’ clobber. We see none of the slap and tickle in the change rooms, just the girls dressed like floral Annie Oakleys, or Judy Canova (that’ll get you googling).


With bulls bucking in the ring and sizzling on the plate, Lisa and Suzie enjoy another rodeo. I am thinking Lancie suits Suzie but will choose Lisa because he seems to go for women that he doesn’t match.
Lachlan chats with Belinda and Kelly, but Belinda needs the heimlich manouevre to open up so Kelly gets the date. I am reminded of The Castle, as Lachie and Kelly come out onto their verandah in fat slippers and bathrobes to feel the serenity and have a foot rub.
Now it’s the morning after. Adam clinically evaluates his girls and rubs out Christine. We might have guessed. She got no air time. Julz is in a spin. The girls all like him, and he likes them, but you just can’t afford to get platonic so Megan gets sent packing. Jedd lines the girls up in an oyster shed and gives each one a spiel which is as gentle as an episode of If You Are The One. For being “a great person”, Nicole gets sent home.
Now Farmer Matt has contracted dengue fever or malaria because he broken out in a sweat. And…oh no…real tears. Matt is choking on a frog in his throat.


He doesn’t want to send anyone home! Poor Matt! He should have gone in the Salt Lake City version; The Farmer Wants Three Wives. Matt has a little cry, but don’t worry because pan to next week and he is cuddling up with April and Gabi. Yes, my favourite, Amelia had to saddle up and ride off into the sunset. Until next week pardner. Cooee.

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Farmer Wants A Wife – episode 2

Daisy is kindly doing us a recap, but as she is on WA time, feel free to comment in the meantime if you’re managing to fit Farmer in amid the reality TV overload tonight.
Judging from this tweet, the visit to see Farmer Lance is going to be a classy affair.

Over to Daisy: Well I think Farmer Matt was avoiding me because when I turned on the telly, he had started without me. So I grab a cuppa and settle in. This is the episode where the hopeful girls arrive at the farms, all nervous giggles and inappropriate footwear. They have come to see if their farmer is a JR Ewing or a Pa Kettle.

The farmers all welcome their girls. The keenest are cowboy Lance and his girls, although his favourite, Lorraine had bailed citing personal reasons. But Lance gets over it pretty quickly as a couple of his ladies bounce together on a bunk. On If You are The One, these ladies would be called “left overs”.
Jedd loves Greg. And Greg loves Jedd. So it was smart of Shonelle to bring a doggie treat for Greg. Julz has a seven-year-old daughter, River, whom we see briefly before she is wisely whisked off camera. I can’t warm to Julz myself. He has the look of a man covered in tattoos, even though he isn’t covered in tattoos.

Next we see some horseplay from cowboy Lance. He says he isn’t ready to choose yet, but he is busy sampling Suzie’s bum. The ladies have commented Lance is “touchy feely”. Adam from Gippsland has eyes for Hayley, but the self-confessed butcher girl wore princess boots and struggled through the paddock.

At dinner time, the boys show off their cooking skills, and Lance just shows off. He is in his element. Lachlan has never seen a stove before – in fact, is this even his kitchen? Probably not. (Does anyone remember his house from his last dating show?) Jedd from Coffin Bay, SA, prepares seafood, but Kerry confesses she hates seafood. Wrong farm, Kerry. You should marry a sheep farmer. At his farm, Adam chooses flight attendant Kelsea to go in the kitchen to baste his loaf, and she did a good job of leaning sexily over the bench.
In the morning, well actually well before morning, Adam took his girls milking. Lance rounds up his fillies and slaps Suzie on the bum … again … and again. Then they throw horse poo at each other, and that works for Suzie. Law and finance student Amelia catches Matt’s eye and they manage to feel each other’s bums while pretending to round up cattle. Then they go off alone and get sexy. Jedd puts his girls to the test with a swimsuit competition. He gets bashful, but they don’t. Then they all wear wetsuits to go oyster farming and oyster farmer ogling. They all hope Jedd is well hung. Jedd is growing on me, but it might be that lovely sea. Back on land, Adam has a picnic with Tarryn. They get deep and meaningful and Adam asks that dangerous question; “Why haven’t you found love before now?”. Then a salami comes between them but no kissing.

Now Julz gets a one on one with Megan. Megan wants to start a turkey farm, and that is a turn on for Julz, so they stay out late, leaving Julz’s other girls to fret. First kiss of the episode goes to Laclan. He kisses Belinda. As Dr Phil would say, this isn’t Lachlan’s first rodeo.
Later, when Adam’s girls are ready to eat dinner, there is a veterinary emergency and the girls rush out to watch Adam insert his arm into Clara’s bottom. Clara is NOT one of his dates. We can only hope that Adam washed thoroughly before dinner or any post dinner snuggling.
The next day there is the general round of “Let’s see if the little lady can shear a sheep and drive a tractor”, as the girls are given farm chores to do. Matt’s girls are fencing and April wants to prove she can handle the shaft. Lachie tries hay baling, but he is as good with a tractor as he is with a stove. His group go back for early lunch. Jedd’s girls sort oysters. Lance is happier than a pig in mud, or a dog on heat, because he gets to keep all of his girls, but he is busy trying before buying. He does a bit of horsing around with Suzie again, and shows off his groping … I mean roping skills. It all got too much for Karen, who packed her little pink suitcase, but Lance pulled out his ace card and took her for a romantic buggy ride, and nearly kills her in the process. Karen says Lance has a lot of love to give.

Skip now to Decision Day. The girls are nervous. The farmers are nervous. The camera crew are nervous. We are nervous and guessing who will get the cowboy boot.

First up is “Helicopter Hottie” Matt. My guess; Anna. Yep it’s Anna. At this point I notice little Gabrielle is cute.

Next it’s Julz, and unsurprisingly he says goodbye to Amanda.
Lachlan “wasn’t drawn to Kate”. Someone must have told Jedd it’s best to be cruel to be kind because he ripped Shanelle off like a bandaid on a hairy leg. Adam struggled to name his loser but in the end it was Kelsea. What????? And Lance managed to woo Karen back into the hen house.
The unlucky girls wax philosophical as they drive into the sunset back to find that love that awaits.

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The Farmer Wants A Wife premiere recap

Dear Daisy has kindly offered to take a crack at recapping the next ep (if anyone else wants to tackle other shows, be my guest!), so in the meantime here are a few thoughts on last night’s premiere.

We open with shots of farmers wistfully staring into the distance. They are pondering their heart-rending loneliness … or the size of their second mortgages.

New host Sam McClymont is personable and genuine, but to be honest the host could be pretty much anyone. It’s not like Survivor, which would be unthinkable without Jeff Probst, or Bachie without Osher.

Helicopter pilot Matt from cattle station Pilbara WA, is 25 but looks 40 – that’s sun exposure for you – and at least he looks like a real person. Actually, none of the blokes this season is a pretty boy, and that’s a good thing.

Farmer Adam is from Gippsland, Vic, where judging from the lush pasture it rains a lot. I’m not used to seeing farms that are green. He’s 25 and runs dairy cattle. Does a 25-year-old really need to settle down or am I cynical and thinking it is more about an extra pair of hands?

Single dad Julz, 36, is from Tumby Bay, SA (go SA) and has a cutie seven-year-old daughter. He’s the first farmer I’ve seen with a double ear piercing.

Cowboy Lance, 52, arrives and I can tell he’s from Queensland before it pops up on the sceen he’s from Rocky. He’s an ex-bullrider and seems a knockabout bloke. Has he suffered in the romance department because he did the rodeo circuit and never stayed put?

Shy oyster farmer Jedd, 37, from Coffin Bay, SA, arrives next. He was a  lawyer before deciding to have a seachange and heal is soul – perhaps he came up against that dreadful MKR woman in the courtroom. I like him already, although maybe it’s the thought of all-you-can-eat oysters that’s drawing me in.

Sidenote: What’s different about the house they’re filming this season at? It’s the same one, right, with the fountain, but they’ve painted it blue. Surely it used to be white?

And here comes Lachie, from Camden NSW, which is practically suburban Sydney so no hardship for whoever he picks. I didn’t watch Love At First Sight but from the rumours flying around it’s hard to believe he’s genuine. Hopefully he’ll prove us wrong and go on to be one of the FWAW suuccess stories.

Here are the girls and at least they are not all in sequins a la The Bachelor. There are even a few women in jeans – good on you, gals.

The lambs to the slaughter … cough … farmers … enter and their eardrums burst from to the screeching of the wannabe wives. Lance, aka older Dave Hughes, is lapping it up and Lachie goes in for cheek kisses. Urgh.

Time to sit on a hay bale and do awkward speed dating. Poor Jedd is struggling. “Do you like Game of Thrones?”. Well, I do, so I’m still wanting a trip to the oyster farm.

Matt tells Amelia in the red shoes that she is his fave and the feeling seems mutual.

Julz is given a stubby holder by Army Reservist and economist Megan and they both love shooting, so let’s hope he picks her and not some 20-year-old beautician type.

A few of the girls have donned hats to stand out and it’s working, although the nice girl is wearing white pants, so let’s hope she doesn’t pack them for the farm.

Lachie’s girls seem to be the ones with the most makeup and Lance’s ladies love his hand-holding forwardness. Lorraine and Lance are clicking, despite Lance referring to himself in the third person. She’s 49 and looks like she could do with a nice fella to give her some TLC.

Jedd is liking Sam and her skinny jeans while Lance is sparking with Karen. Why do all Lance’s ladies look like hardworking barmaids from Outback pubs?

It’s time for the farmers to sort the wheat from the chaff.

Adam picks his four, including sweet Elsie in the black and red check dress, a couple of randoms and the blonde hat girl in the white pants.

Julz of the broad shoulders picks the fellow shooter and some others. Don’t think there are any divas in this bunch, so that will be a relief.

Matt’s girls are younger, so there’s greater potential for diva behaviour and cluelessness about farm life. His picks include the tall girl whom he said was his fave. Last pick is April, who looks like a younger version of Suzie from The Block. Sorry, April, if that’s an insult. Matt could face the toughest challenge in that his property is a long, long way from anywhere.

Farmer Jedd is about to make his picks and – drama, drama – the music gets tense and the girl in the lovely black dress speaks. Looks like we’re heading for a “it’s not you, it’s me” speech already. Yep, she’s realised she’s not made for a competitive dating show and so he has to come up with a replacement. So now the girls chosen will always be wondering if they were choice No. 5. No surprise he picks Sam in the jeans.

Lachie’s wannabe wives are a lustful bunch and many have seen his previous show. Pick No. 2 says she didn’t watch. One of the leftover girls says through gritted teeth she hopes there’s a wedding at the end of the show.

Lance’s unselected girls will be devo. Can’t we have a spin-off show to find them all nice boyfriends or at least send them off for a spa weekend? Susie is a domestic engineer – does that mean she’s a stay-at-home-mum or is that a real title? She seems like a handful. His last pick is the well-groomed Lisa, who stands out a bit from the other ladies, and not just because she knows how to pick a supportive bra. Taking a punt here that Lisa is post-divorce or perhaps a health battle and is now determined to try something new. Good on her.

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The Farmer Wants a Wife premiere

farmermainimage
Put on your best RMs and turn up the collar of your blue shirt – it’s time for some city chicks to realise farms are a long way from the nearest nail salon and skinny latte. It starts at 8.45pm but MKR does not finish til 9pm, so I expect many of you will be recording or watching it on catch-up TV. Let me know what you think.

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