Farmer a Wants a Wife – Mar 14

It’s the end of the road for what’s been a pretty flat season of FWAW. Might be time to give it a year off and ponder casting options.
Guest recapper Daisy will give those of us who were watching MKR instead the lowdown once the show airs in WA (thank you!). In the meantime, here are some non-spoilerish tweets.

We have already arrived at the finale. Have the producers fast forwarded the show this year? In previous years, I seem to recall, city visits took up a whole episode. Anyhow, after 10 days farmstay, the farmers each farewell their girls and then take some time alone to consider their verdict (if that rings a bell, you are as old as I am). Remote Pilbarra “Chopper Charmer” (not sure which choppers they mean) is putting on a brave face, and once again, he chokes up with emotion. Julz is rapt in Melanie, so that’s a done deal, although, according to Alex, he is punching above his weight.

Now it’s reunion day and we are back at the big house in the Hunter Valley. It’s one whole month since the the end of the farmstays. The farmers all rock up, and wardrobe  and make-up have them all looking pretty sharp. Everyone’s hair has been cut and styled, all teeth have been whitened. The farmers are all smiles and everyone is saying what a positive and amazing experience it has been. No one has any regrets. At least that’s what the cue cards said. Smiling face with open mouth and tightly-closed eyes

Time for the Love Seat grilling and Julz is the first cab off the rank. He is aptly coy and smiling, as the pretty but (yawn) dull hostie asks the usual (yawn) inane questions we have come to expect from this part of the show. This hostie is less annoying than last season’s girl but equally inane. She can probably blame that on the inane questions she has to ask. Anyhow, after the flashback to Julz’s city visit, it’s time for the big reveal….and it’s Melanie. She hadn’t gone off the boil, so they hold hands on the couch, then Julz takes Melanie to meet the boys who are waiting around, beer in hand.

Next up, Jedd. He had an “amazing experience”. Samantha was “amazing”. Kerry was “amazing”. Can this show really be scripted? I thought Sam had it in the bag but Jedd is still sampling. On his city date, blow me down, he is test driving Kerry. With no Gregory in sight, Kerry gets Jedd between her legs, but in the end his choice is…..wait for it….. Sam. Jedd is a goofy goof ball, but cute. Sam is gorgeous, in a toothy girl-next door way, so they make an adorable…..no, amazing couple. They didn’t hold hands on the couch, but Sam did wipe the drool off his lips, so that could mean the L word.

Now it’s rtv veteran, Lachlan, who has done enough of these shows to qualify for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. In fact I got the feeling that he had spent most of the series thinking he was in I Am A Farmer, Get Me Out of Here.  Lachlan has chosen Belinda, after he gave his other girl a serve. Belinda likes Lachlan for his witty banter and dad jokes. They are both taking things in their strides. Lachlan introduces Belinda to the boys at the bar and Jedd’s eyes pop for Belinda. Down boy. You chose Samantha.

Lancie is up next, but not in the way he hoped. He headed to the big smoke to meet Lisa, who greeted him wearing pedal pusher jeans spangled with rhinestones. She must have one of those 80s rhinestoning kits. Although Lance had goosebumps being back at Hunter Valley, where it all began, he just didn’t have goosebumps for Lisa. So Lisa packed up her rhinestone cowgirl clothes, and is still looking for love. Not even channel 9 lawyers can make Lancie rope and brand a filly unless he’s feeling it 100%.

They seem to be saving the best for last, because next up is Adam. Now Hayley was the initial front runner, like a cute little blue-eyed princess, but it was Taryn who put in all the hard work, and it looked like Adam might lean her way. Come city date though, and it was Hayley who Adam visited, and it was still Hayley sitting beside Adam on the Love Couch in Hunter Valley. Too bad Eliza.

And finally, it’s Farmer Matt’s turn. We are told Matty had the toughest choice of all. Not sure why.  Matt visits April (well she’s hot, so what guy wouldn’t) and he surprises her at a park. She just happens to be there cooking sausages, with her entire family. Everyone meets, and Matt and April show how they can both skate really well. Fast forward to the Hunter Valley house and the legs coming down the stairs, balancing on really high heels…..is still April. Yep. Matt chose April. April coos that Matt doesn’t know how amazing he is. Then calls him “dude” again. But she rubs his arm and Matt blushes like a school boy in love with his hot 4th grade teacher.  Everyone’s is toothy. Hostie is smiling. April is smiling. Matty is smiling. And I am thinking of those clowns at the royal show.

When Matt walks into the bar with his arm candy, all the farmers drool on cue. Then the country band plays, while all the farmers pretend to have found the loves of their lives.  Everyone snuggles, except Lancie, who is out in the men’s toilets texting Karen…..and Lorraine. Revolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving heartsRevolving hearts

Good luck Farmers, and Cowgirls. Thanks for letting me take the p*ss. Thanks readers. I hope you all find love. 😙😙😙



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Eliza

Didn’t it just come back this year after years off?? Hahaha!

daisy

OK, before tonight’s recap. I can share some secret inside Farmer pbotos. And it aint’t pretty. Firstly, note the inappropriately dressed girls who are tryint to stral Farmer Matt’s heart.
April, Amelia and Farmer Matt.

Izobel2

Nice one Miss Daisy, and thanks for the recap!
And how IN LOVE does Lance have to be???? He sure looked sad when the girls left the farm…

daisy

Lancie goes after Amelia. Hey Lance, that’s not your date. And get your hand off her boozie.

daisy

And I hope the kiddies are in bed. Farmer Lancie picks up a couple of behind the camera girls. They are real little rip snorters. He is still missing Karen though

Eliza

Oh my… hahahhahahaha

daisy

The recap will be up after I get to watch the show in WA.

Eliza

Still waiting for that stupid Australia’s Got Talent to finish… two shows are recording at the moment so I am stuck. I hate watching shows in real time!

daisy

I sent my recap, but Juz will be asleep by now, so are a few snaps. Brushed and polished, the boys come to the Hunter Valley.

daisy

And Julz is first up.

daisy

He looks thrilled.

daisy

Julz chooses Melanie. Still thrilled.

Fijane

Think these two have the best chance of a longterm relationship.

daisy

Yep, they have the body language. 💖💖💖

Caption, “Now c’mon. We have been through this before a million times. You know where the margarine is kept”.

daisy

Next up, Jedd.

Eliza

Thinking deeply as per usual!

daisy

Yep, it’s a Barry Jones moment from Jedd.

daisy

He finally chooses Sam.

Fijane

Can’t believe he still went to Kerry in the city. He took impartiality to a whole new level. They were so stiff together, no spark at all. Kerry must have been gobsmacked when he walked into the gym. She knew there was nothing there.

Love Sam, and hope that it works out.

daisy

Caption, “Hold still. Got it”. Now that’s the L word.

daisy

Lachlan ‘chooses’ Belinda.

daisy

I wonder if Lachlan had vorarephilia.

daisy

Belinda looks lkke the woman in Parks and Recreation.

Eliza

She’s no Pawnee Goddess! 😝

Fijane

Yep, refreshingly normal.

daisy

Lancie roams the suburbs like a Midnight Cowboy.

brain dead dave
daisy

Ha ha ha, Dave. 😂
This is the song the girl band should have sung last night.

daisy

I wonder if he is thinking of this….

daisy

Spin and Annette, they ain’t.
https://www.google.com.au/search?sclient=tablet-gws&site=&source=hp&q=spin+and+marty&oq=spin+and+marty&gs_l=tablet-gws.12..0l3.2494.6958.0.7743.15.12.0.3.3.0.402.2653.2-2j5j1.8.0….0…1c.1.64.tablet-gws..4.10.2392.0.Fvs-42Ce8qs#imgrc=wNUepgy1yfgaPM%3A

daisy

Lancie must let Lisa go.

Fijane

Still think he wants to go after the banned woman. Do you think they would tell him why?

daisy

Nothing much stays secret with social media. He might like a drink himself.

Eliza

It has been on the internet and Lorraine is all over the Facebook page. People are encouraging her to get in touch with him.

daisy

Lancie is p*ssed because someone has been making potato heads of him.

brain dead dave

….cos the potato heads are a vast improvement.

Fijane

Got his Robin Williams on in this shot.

daisy

Yes. Robin Williams.
And put a white, curly wig on him and he is the dead spitting image of Woolif’s departed Gran.

brain dead dave

Lance = Mrs Doubtfarmer

daisy

Woolif”s Gran….Mrs Doubtfarmer.

daisy

Adam chooses Hayley. Well, she is pretty. That sucks, Eliza. 😜

Eliza

I heard that possibly they are one of the couples that split! Not sure though. Supposedly they can’t talk until Wednesday..

In any case, Hayley and I can have a graphic design-off!!! Just kidding, I thought she was much nicer than Taryn.

Fijane

I imagine that Adam felt quite hounded by Taryn, Hayley is more suited to his personality. But certainly very, very early days for them, if it continues it will be a slow-burning love.

Wonder why they didn’t show Adam saying goodbye too the girls at the farm? Was there a problem?

daisy

Adam had an eye for Hayley from the start. And I think Taryn was too racey for this boy scout. She wore bikinis and tried to kiss him.
Imagine if he got April.

Fijane

BTW, Adam gets quote of the night – “she ticks boxes I didn’t know I had”.

daisy

I got the impression Adam wasn’t too familiar with boxes.

Eliza

HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Eliza

Poor Adam! He’s sweet.

daisy

Sweet as a gobstopper that’s never been openned.

daisy

Matt gets all excited to be on the Love Couch.

daisy

Sorry, Matty, but I couldn’t let this shot pass.

Eliza

It’s adorsable!

daisy

And Matt gets photo of the night. 😆

Eliza

I love this still.. it’s great!

daisy

Matt chooses April.

Fijane

April wins the award for Most Orange contestant evah!

daisy

She didn’t dress for the C word.

daisy

Who looks a bit of a maneater.

daisy

Everyone schmoozes.

daisy

Lance remembers Lisa.

daisy

And everyone is in love.

daisy

Or at least say they are moving toward the L word.

Fijane

You mean Lust?

daisy

Not sure, but the L word was what they kept mentioning that they were nearing. Perhaps it was nearly time for Lunch.

daisy

I look forward to hearing who stayed together….

daisy

who is getting married….again….

daisy

And who is not.

Fijane

Not much hope for longevity here. Good news for Pilbara furniture removalists.

daisy

Anyone catch boring girl’s name?

brain dead dave

Slim Busty.

(Sam McClymont)

daisy

Good night and good luck…to all of you. May you all find the L word. 💞💞💞💞

Fijane

Bye, bye farmers. I’ve enjoyed watching some of you. The real stars of the show were the locations. Australia is an awesome country!

daisy

No past contestants, Juz, although I did catch the end of AGT and they dragged out Constantino. It wasn’t fun to watch someone nearly getting themselves sliced in half with a battle axe.

Bob

Was it my imagination or did Lachlan get minimal airtime?
And, imagination still in overdrive, it looked like Lachlan couldn’t bear to look at the Nice Young Thing chosen for him by the producers. Good on Old Farmer for having integrity and refusing to be forced. I bet Lachlan is embarrasses now.

Eliza

There’s a new Courier Mail article today about how some ex of Lachlan’s says he was still in love with her during the filming of this show. I can’t read it, won’t let me but another publication might summarise it soon like they did yesterday. The same article has been re-hashed like 20 times…

Mel spoke to Mamamia to reveal what went on behind the scenes. She revealed nothing and it was boring except that they had to even wear mics when they went to the toilet.

daisy

Yuk. Mics in the toilet. That’s overly invasive.

daisy

Out-take. Why Jedd chose Sam. He didn’t want this happening to his oysters.

daisy

Someone needs to give Kerry some tips on how to win a man. It might not be by clutching his head in a vice like crotch. 😨 …….or is it?

Bob

A tip like this?

daisy

Ha ha ha. Good work, Bob. 😂

daisy

Captions anyone? I will go first… “Uncle”.

Bob

And it’s time to go ….. Kerry.

daisy

“That’s not a stick. This is a stick”.

daisy

Except that he gets tongue tied, I nominate Jedd for the next Aussie Bach.

daisy

If I was 20 something, I would head to Coffin Bay to get me this oyster farmer. The ocean, seafood, cute looks and goofiness. He is the package….unless he is dumb. Not sure about that.

Eliza

Nah, he’s too old.. maybe 30 something 😛

daisy

I just worked out why I like Jedd (apart from this sexy look). I can see a younger, saltier Colin Firth.
I am wondering if he isn’t used the the girls liking him, and if the shy goofball is the producers’ idea.

Eliza

He does look somewhat like Colin Firth!

Hmmm… I know, you can’t trust these producers.

Eliza

Greg should have been in the finale to say goodbye. Greg was my favourite.

“I’m a Farmer Get Me Out of Here” – hahaha! You’re so right! PLEASE any channel.. no more Lachlan on the TV. He is NOT likable. Jedd’s eyes were either saying “WOAH!” in a “she’s hot” way OR “WOAH! Kelsey Grammer is here!” (Thanks BDD for that comparison.. spot on!).

Thanks for the “too bad”. I am just sitting here watching The Notebook over and over again with 3 tubs of Connoisseur ice cream. I’ll get through it. Hahaha. The blonde haired, blue eyed version of me won. I mean, found love.. you go girlfriend!

daisy

OK, Eliza. Have this to go with your Notebook and icecream. (Sorry, I already deleted Gregory).

I did choose a geeky one.

Eliza

Thanks, Daisy.. *grabs another tissue*

Eliza

Lachlan is such a loser.

Eliza

All I really got from the Matt and April article is that April is another one of those social media ranters who post cryptic messages (while telling people to “just ask” them) and can’t spell.

daisy

Thanks, Why. I like the comment by Happy Blue on the Matt link. Yep, a ‘model’ who does men’s mags might disappear when the cameras are gone. I imagine the Pilbarra would be too remote for someone who wants celebrity.

Eliza

I read about this the other day. Dramatic season! Thanks for the other links. More is bound to come out tomorrow when their media ban was supposedly meant to be lifted!

WHY

Yes, I await in anticipation!

daisy

It’ll be a good gig for Matt.

WHY

Some background information on Jedd
http://seafoodjobs.com.au/people/jedd-routledge/

daisy

Never mind the seafood. That Jedd is quite a catch.

Even more so now that you add brains to the beauty. And he can cook all that delicious seafood.

daisy

Jedd looks like he lost some weight during the show. His face was rounder at the start.

daisy

What’s the goss on our little Amish boy Adam, Why?

daisy

Thanks again, Why. Good article. For all my tongue in cheek teasing, you can see that Adam is a good boy, and it was a good choice for him to hold back on the pashing if he wanted to go into the cattle auctions and feed stores in his country town without getting lectured by Aunt Bea and Sherrif Andy. I think our Eliza would be a good fit for Adam. 😙😙😙

Eliza

Supposedly it was on ACA (Tues) that only Jedd and Sam (and Greg, I hope!!) are still together and that she has moved to SA to be with him.

Sounds like Lachlan was the one saying that the show has destroyed his life. Come on, mate.. you dug your own hole! It just showed everyone the real him by the looks of it..

Fijane

That article about Matt and April is scary. If you are active on social media, you can be tracked almost anywhere, and a whole article built around your presence or absence.