Tag: recap

Australian Survivor – Mon, Sept 19 – are you Team Phoebe or Team Kristie?

Yellow tribe arrives back at camp after the Craig blindside and everyone quizzes Phoebe about the where and when of the idol.
Kristie – who acted so well earlier – awkwardly lies that she only had an inkling that Phoebe had the idol. Even Conner – dear, sweet Conner – thinks her pants are on fire, and he trusts everyone. Sue is not happy. And that’s what you get when you don’t split the votes, people!
It’s Day 28 at blue tribe camp and everyone seems a bit chirpier. They even get to gaze at a rainbow as they talk about wanting to win yet another challenge.


Over at yellow, Kristie is up a tree trying to fish using Rohan’s dacks as a net. Her plan would work better if she stood in the water. And then we get a whiff of Phoebe – rocking a massive topknot – thinking of turning on ally Kristie, who is “a bit weird”. Uh, no, weird in Survivor is Phillip Sheppard, not Kristy of the expressive eyebrows.
Sue and Coma Kate go for a stroll and Sue has to fill Kate in about Kristie’s “Academy Award-winning performance”, because Kate is one of those always think the best of people types (as you would be, after her experience). Sue has the shits about the havoc Phoebe has wreaked on her alliance. How dare Phoebe play the game when the odds are against her!
(Side note: My, we’re getting a lot of footage of pounding waves tonight – does someone’s camp get washed away later? Or did they run out of wildlife shots?)

Challenge time
And we don’t even get a “Come on in, guys”. Blue team cracks up when they see yellow enter without Craig – that kind of “I’m horrified and shouldn’t laugh but I can’t stop” laughing.
The challenge is a memory test – yay! I wonder if the producers had to drop some of the bigger, more elaborate challenges they had planned because yellow has been decimated. First tribe to five wins.
Blue has to sit out FOUR people: Kylie, Elle, Flick and Lee. Magic Matt and Nick should ace this – plus blue has had a lot more to eat – but at least yellow is in with a chance.
The first round involves memorising five objects (coconut, mortar and pestle, tribal statue-type objects) and Nick wins the round against Conner. Conner just can’t catch a break.
Brooke beats Sue – the first person back to the mat with the correct objects wins, so it’s speed as well as memory. Kate beats Magic Matt – ouch, that’s gonna hurt, Matt. Perhaps you should have eaten the chicken.
Phoebe beats Jenna-Louise so at least it’s not a slaughter of yellow, as in previous challenges. Sam and Kristie both stuff it up and get a do over, but as Kristie sprints back her statue topples off the shelf and does not count.
Nick battles Phoebe and super fast Nick kills it. It’s Kate V Brooke and they have to memorise eight items. And Brooke wins and blue gets a meat and seafood feast. Poor yellow – they are doing it tough.


Yellow gets an awesome feast – it’s much better than what they often get on the US Show, with a mixture of fruit and protein. Perhaps it came from the resort a stone’s throw away? Good one, Samoa.
“Eat now and worry about what happens to the guts later,” says Lee.
Cut to poor little depressed yellow team. There is a chicken wandering around but no talk of eating it.
Kristie is determined to pick up everyone’s spirits and goes snail hunting on the beach so they can have a snack. Luckily they taste pretty good. “They do taste like mussel, says Conner.”
As they nibble their snails and put on brave faces, blue team are trying not to throw up from their pig out. “I’ve got the crab sweats,” gasps Nick, clutching a tree for support. He is sooo going to cop it from his students tomorrow morning. Sam spews in view of everyone – charming.

On Day 29 at blue, Kylie decides it’s time to try and forge alliances and get a girl power thing going. Why would you bring that up in front of El, Kylie – don’t you know how tight she is with Lee? Flick and JL are stunned and there is awkward silence. (More Survivor 101: Nod, smile, say “cool bananas” and then report back to your real alliance.) Kylie is really bad at the social aspects of Survivor, but a gun in the physical stuff.


At yellow Sue mentions she reckons Rohan would be a snake in real life – bit harsh, Sue. The talk turns to lying and Kristie again does a bad “I didn’t know Phoebe had the idol for sure). And then the minute Kristie is gone, to try and save her own skin, Phoebe throws Kristie under the bus completely by saying she knew all along.
And then Phoebe pulls Conner aside and tells him Kristie is basically a crazy person and wanted to vote Conner out earlier. Ouchie! Well, now I’m Team Kristie – do we get the merge tonight so she’ll be safe?

Immunity challenge time
“Welcome back,” says JLap, before launching in to: “Phoebe, you’ve had eight losses.” And then they have to stand there shivering while they get rained on.
The challenge involves paddling a boat, opponents pulling a rope to drag the boat back, and doing a puzzle. The winner gets immunity and a huge, secret advantage. Brooke, JL, Sam and Magic Matt sit out for blue.
Nick makes quick work of the knots and drags the yellow boat back quickly. Kate does well but it’s tough in the slippery conditions and they are wearing reef shoes.
The puzzle has a lot of pieces and, from the sidelines, even Magic Matt concedes it looks tough. “Can Nick keep his title as the Puzzle King?” intones JLap. Nick takes a while to find his mojo but gets the hang of it and blue wins yet again. Poor Kate is devo and seems to start crying. Blue team looks awkwardly over at the team they keep thrashing, wishing they could hand over a participation medal.
JLap reveals the secret power is that blue gets to send a player to observe the yellow tribal. Cool. So, obviously, they’ll send Kylie. Just kidding. I’m guessing Matt because they may not trust Nick enough, although he has sworn revenge on his enemies.

Back at camp Phoebe tells everyone they should write “Kristie” and they seem to agree. She and Kate even fist bump on it, although Kate later tells the camera it’s a case of “keep your enemies closer”. Phoebe tells Conner to pretend to Kristie that he’s voting Sue. Conner, who is a terrible liar and is notorious for saying the wrong thing at tribal. We don’t see the tribe discussing how they are going to handle having an interloper from blue at tribal council, but surely they would have.


Tribal council
Ah, the interloper is Brooke! I wish we’d seen the conversation that led to that. Is JLap going to turn around and say: “Surprise – you’re now part of yellow.”
JLap makes them talk about why they each should not be voted out and then, through his questioning, makes it clear to onlooker Brooke that Phoebe has masterminded a lot of the vote outs. Kristie says she didn’t know for sure Phoebe had an idol and the others all say they don’t believe her but she defends with, correctly, saying she never actually saw it. Then she gives an emotional speech referencing her mini meltdown at the start of the game (guess she means the “someone took my bag” Abi-Maria-esque moment”. Kristie is a goner.
And this is when JLap drops the bomb … “Tonight, one of you will be leaving this tribe but you will not be leaving the game.” He reveals Brooke was told before tribal she had the power to take one person back to blue and there will be no vote. Ooh – twisty.


Brooke says she’s been tossing up between Phoebe (but her gameplay is making her nervous) and Sue. And it’s Sue. So, she took Sue in order to have a sacrificial lamb? Sue looks gutted.
As Phoebe rightly says, it’s not 10 versus 4. And then JLap appears wise by tweaking a Mark Twain saying to cheer them up with: “You need to remember what matters is not the size of the tribe in the fight but the size of the fight in the tribe.”

Next time: We see Kate telling Kristie Phoebe betrayed her and it looks like “game on, mole”.

And: So yet another tribal council where no-one goes home. You can tell the producers really want yellow to finally win a challenge, after which they will do a proper merge. I look forward to seeing the Kristie V Phoebe fallout. Will Conner be Team Phoebe and Kate Team Kristie, or vice versa?



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Australian Survivor – Sun, Sept 18


The way Channel 10 are promoting it the poor ole yellow tribe will be back at tribal council tomorrow night (Sunday). I would say the whole “Phoebe makes a move” thing is a misdirect, but up until now there promos have not tried to trick us at all.
In other Survivor news, I’ve heard a disturbing rumour that Channel 9 is going to air the upcoming season of US Survivor (Millennials V Gen X) – yeah, it IS a silly name) not on GO, as per usual. It will reportedly air on the flagship Nine channel but A WHOLE WEEK AFTER it screens in the US and at about 10.30pm at night. Yesterday I tweeted and posted a query about this on Facebook but Channel 9 has not responded.
I am hoping it’s all a terrible mistake.

It’s day 26 and everyone is looking gaunt, scruffy and exhausted.
At blue everyone is knackered because Firey Kylie did not want to make room in the shelter or something-or-other. It apparently escalated and it looks like no-one got any sleep. She tries to apologise the next morning but it turns into one of those “I’m sorry but it’s actually everyone else’s fault” moments. Oh, Kylie. You’ve upset Magic Matt, which is not good. Strangely we don’t get a to-camera piece from Nick about this. He’s not the narrator this episode.
At yellow Conner is worried about being out of the loop on the Andrew blindside, and whether Kate is still loyal to the core yellow alliance as she flipped to join Phoebe and Kristie (as well as Craig) in the voteout.
They go for a swim and Kate has a little breakdown. With anyone else you’d be worried she was bunging it on but Coma Kate just has that innate honesty about her.


Conner awkwardly pats her arm. They discuss targeting Phoebe next and the everyone – well, everyone who is not Phoebe and Kristie – at least seems cool with it.
Poor Craig is still looking for the hidden immunity idol, which is actually in Phoebe’s bag. Phoebs knows she is still in trouble, so tries buddying up to Conner. Conner, supposedly a huge Survivor fan, outright tells her that he has sworn loyalty to the others but, if she lasts, they could work together in the future. CONNER! You just smile and say yes, then rush back and tell your alliance so they know who aren’t doing deals. And when she asks to be told if she’s being voted out, just say yes. You can lie!

At blue Lee and Spidey Sam continue their bromance, bonding over their ineptitude with a fishing spear. The girls are sunbaking, admiring the view of Lee fishing.
(And here’s a shot for you, Windong


Magic Matt tells Brooke in not so many words she’s a flibbertyjibbet whose head is easily turned. Brooke is not happy and reckons he’s just jealous now he’s not the “man” of the tribe. It could be, or it could be the fact you guys are lying on the beach while there is no firewood and there are jobs to do around camp. Plus Matt is so pasty he could burst into flames if the sunlight touches his skin, so he can’t just loll on the beach.
Brooke starts thinking she needs a new alliance with non-ghost white people, and likes the look of Lee and Army Corporal El.
Things we still need an update on: Kate’s armpit puss and what wild animal has killed those released chickens.

Challenge time
Come on through, says JLap, mixing it up from Jeff’s come on in, guys. Blue team is surprised to see Andrew was voted out.
Kate says yellow, which has been on such as losing streak, is bringing the fire – a whole bonfire. She needs to be on a Brawn tribe with Lee, Kylie and Spidey Sam – she’d fit right in.
The challenge is a variation on the use a catapult to toss a bag challenge, but it’s more of a heptathlon using coloured coconuts. There’s a bit of volleyball action in there, dodgeball and balance beam work. The end section is a giant Connect Four type board – but with five.
Yet again blues are guns at the challenge while scrappy lil Conner tries hardest up against them but falls in the mud a coupla times. But then he doesn’t listen to Sue calling where to place the coconut, so that will cause angst. Yellow should have had Craig throwing rather than defending so they could get more coconuts over the “net”.

Back at yellow camp Conner is devo, blaming himself for the loss. The core alliance decides Phoebe should go home. They don’t even discuss a split. And then Conner goes and tells Phoebe it’s her. Nooooo! He tells the others what he’s done and they all agree it’s unlikely Phoebe has an idol. Why are they so sure? Then they tell Kristie they are all voting for Phoebe and she herself is safe. Kristie tears up a bit – awesome acting job, Kristie! And then she pretends to go and console Phoebe on the beach when actually they are both grinning like maniacs. So, who will the target? Craig’s the obvious threat but they need him for challenges.
They even have a chat about how to spell Phoebe’s name – a conversation which must happen a lot but we don’t really see it. I know they still won’t get it right, though.
Will Phoebe triumph is is this all just a misdirect by the editors and they are splitting the vote after all?
Australian Survivor isn’t sticking to the US rulebook but, let’s say the core – thinking that Phoebe didn’t have an idol – put two votes on Phoebe and two on Kristie, and the girls put two on Sue in turn. If the tie is deadlocked, those voted for can no longer vote. This would leave Craig, Conner and Kate in charge of the vote and they could vote out who they want. If they used the same 2-2-2 strategy and Phoebe played the idol, they could use their greater numbers to vote out Kristie on the revote. Just thinking on the fly here as I watch and type, so I may be wrong. I hope we at least get to see a fire-starter tiebreaker at some stage this season, because they are such fun.


At tribal council
They chat with JLap about how losing sucks and how they all are fairly sure who’s going home, which sucks because they are all friends yadda yadda … No one mentions how Kristie is rocking a side braid and looks like one of the lost children from Mad Max 3 in her brown shapeless outfit.
Craig writes “Pheobe” and so now I kinda hope it’s him the girls target because he cannot spell. We don’t see who the girls vote for – maybe it’s Conner, because he’s had a lot of airtime.
JLap is about to read the votes but Phoebe does the “umm, Jonathon …” and hands over the idol. Craig is a shattered man and Phoebe is grinning with delight – as she should be.
Only one of the four of them spells Phoebe correctly – they all deserve to go. And it’s Craig going home!
Well played, Phoebe and Kristie. Sad to see Craig go, though – he’s been great TV. He gives everyone a hug – even those who voted them out. He tell yellow one of them has to win the whole shebang. Bye, Craig!


Next time: Sue wants Phoebe gone but then we see footage of Phoebe (or Pheb’s, as Sue writes her name – urgh – kill me now over that apostrophe) telling Sue that Kristie knew all along she had an idol. Not cool, Pheb’s. We don’t see footage of yellow losing yet another challenge.

And Craig is calm and philosophical in his final to camera piece: “Bitch stole my idol, but, hey …”



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Australian Survivor – Tues, Sept 13

I still can’t get used to having three episodes of Survivor each week. When the US Version returns later this month with Gen X versus Millennials (yeah, I don’t know why they didn’t use Gen Y either) a mere 40 minutes of Survivor a week will pass in the blink of an eye. I am looking forward to seeing how the show covers the contestants being evacuated on day 2 due to a cyclone in Fiji – hopefully we get to see a little behind-the-scenes stuff.

After the Kat vote out we learn that Conner tipped off the core yellow alliance that Andrew was being targeted. And that Craig told Kristie the alliance was targeting Kat. Andrew is none too pleased and vows to have his revenge.
At yellow, Coma Kate wakes everyone by banging on a pan with a stick, just so the producers can get some comedic footage of Andrew attempting to do yoga. Kate says the yoga will prepare them to win the next challenge by lighting a fire in their bellies. Andrew bags it out off camera but has a bit of a go.
Over at blue everyone is sick of eating beans so the talk turns to whether they should eat the chickens, which apparently are not laying eggs.
Nick is pragmatic and says straight up they should eat the chook to give them energy. Most of the others agree, including Flick.
But Magic Matt, who used to work in a poultry shop, wants to let them roam free and says he wouldn’t eat the chicken anyway.
Cue a Nick confessional (we’ve missed you, Nick!) about Matt putting on a nice guy facade because he once had 62kg of chicken nuggets in his freezer.
Then Sam says they could all get food poisoning because they don’t know how to prepare a chook, Lee jumps on board with his new best bro and the backflips spread from there.
It seems no-one wants to be known as the Survivor chook killer. Last US season Mark the Chicken was a key character, but Chester and her friend haven’t been that fun to watch. Kill ’em, I say. Nick notes how much influence Matt has with the tribe.


[EDIT: Australian Survivor has since tweeted the blue still has Chester the Chicken – they let go two other chooks.)

It’s challenge time
Her former tribemates are delighted to see Kat was voted out. Brooke and El rock up carrying the chooks and they try to wheedle JLap into swapping the chooks for other food. He tells them to suck it up and learn how to fish.


We see the challenge is a Survivor classic, Hot Pursuit, where contestants weighed down with sandbags must chase each other through thigh-deep water (this is the one where eventual winner, firefighter Tom Westman, proved a challenge beast in Palau – more here). As people drop out, they pass their sandbags to stronger team members. Lee and Sam should do well here and, yes, blue team starts out at a fair trot. Matt drops out and passes his 6kg bag to Firey Kylie, while Sue is first to go on yellow, handing over to Kate. This must be strategy to not give the bags to the big guys. Andrew flakes out then offers the helpful advice from the sidelines to “pace yourself”. Kylie suggests to blue that she and Nick should detach so that Lee and Sam can sprint to a win. Seems smart. Sam is carrying 24kg by himself. Kristie falls over and Spidey Sam sprints to tag yellow, almost strangling Lee in the process. He finally manages to tag Conner and blue wins a chocolate feast reward.
Coma Kate, who did a great job in the challenge, is sick of losing. “We can’t keep on using the same formula to lose,” she tells the camera. Ooh, please tell me Kat is going to start talking to Phoebe.

Blue team gets to dig into brownies, doughnuts and chocolate milk and, boy, they are going to have such huge sugar crashes a few hours later, not to mention they’ll be rushing into the bushes.
Magic Matt skols a one-litre bottle of chocolate milk to impress the crowd. After the feast the chicken release takes place and poor Nick and Flick are sad to see so much food walking away.
Loser yellow is sad to miss out on chocolate. Kate goes sea cucumber hunting with Phoebe and Kristie but it’s just an excuse to talk strategy.
“I don’t know about you guys but he missed me off at tribal,” Kate tells them, referring to Andrew. This is Kate, who at the start of the season looked like she was too nice to form alliances and would just play a physical game. Yay!
“I’m sick of dragging dead meat along for the ride,” Kate tells the camera.

It’s immunity challenge time
It’s another holding things up challenge. Contestants must hold up a net into which their rivals toss coconuts to make it heavier.
Sue and Craig hold the ropes for yellow while Sam and Flick do it for blue. For yellow the girls prove to be the best coconut chuckers. Blue targets the net of Craig, who performed so well at the challenge where they had to hoist up a tribe member. There is not a single coconut in Sue’s net. After a massive effort Craig’s rope slips through his fingers. What a champion.
Yellow is targeting Sam but now there are quite a few coconuts in Sue’s net and JLap gives her props for doing so well. Craig is cheering her on from the sidelines and she outlasts Sam. We see Andrew struggling just to walk back to pick up a coconut, to add to the “Andrew doesn’t try” edit. Despite her valiant effort Sue can’t outlast Flick, who is only just now getting weight in her net. Blue wins immunity so yellow is back at tribal yet again.

Back at camp, Sue wants to stay loyal to the alliance and, since Andrew wants Kristie gone, they are voting Kristie. Kate tells Andrew she’s going with the flow and we learn that Andrew in fact hates Kate. Kristie and Phoebe sound out Craig about ditching the dead wood that is Andrew and, while he knows where they’re coming from, he’s non-committal.
Eventually Kate broaches the subject of Andy’s loserishness with Craig. They are struggling with their desire to win versus loyalty guaranteeing safety. Andrew knows he’s in trouble and all of a sudden is best buds with Conner, talking about how Kate may flip.
In the shelter Andrew whispers to Kristie that they should do a deal to save each other and he’ll guarantee she and Phoebe safety.
And [this is where my four-year-old wakes up crying because of the heavy rain here in SA and I miss the next five minutes of scheming – aargh! I shall have to catch it on TenPlay]. I can’t see Kristie trusting Andrew, though. It would be a shame if Kate is voted out as she’s a physical force, but she is a huge threat to win the final prize.


At tribal council
JLap starts with much praise for Craig and Sue’s rope-holding prowess before they get into the “who’s in the majority?” speculation. Kate says she’ll be voting with her head, heart and guts. There’s a lot of drawn-out questioning about alliances but no exciting answers.
We only see Andrew write down a K and they are trying to make us think he’s voting for Kate, but surely it’s Kristie.
The votes are Andrew, Kristie, Andy, Kristy, Andrew (so he knows someone flipped), Kristie and Andrew. So I’m guessing Craig joined the girls to vote out Andrew.
Andrew is cheerful enough as his torch is snuffed but as he walks off, mutters: “I didn’t see that coming. Jesus.”

Next time
Craig is still looking for the idol that Phoebe found a few days ago. They really don’t like to give much away with their previews.

The vote reveal
Yes, we see Craig did indeed vote with Kate, Phoebe and Kristie. Andrew tells the camera he has no regrets and recognises he was too cocky.
“What better way to go out of Survivor then to be blindsided,” he says.

Thoughts
Well, I’m glad Kate finally decided to play the game. Craig should be able to talk Sue round and smooth over any talk of broken loyalty as they seem tight. It will be interesting to see where Conner falls in all of this, and what Phoebe does with her idol.



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Australian Survivor – Mon, Sept 12 – Is Phoebe a goner?

Ten are promoting tonight as a Phoebe V Andrew showdown, but no doubt it’s all hype. I do enjoy listening to Andrew’s confessionals and seeing his Penner-style hat.
I hope we do check in with the blue team this episode as we only saw their interaction briefly last night – I miss Nick’s commentary.

Back at camp after tribal, everyone is shocked Rohan actually handed his idol over to Phoebe. We as viewers were shocked, too, because the editors failed to give us an inkling” that Rohan was even considering it.
Craig tells the camera that Rohan sent himself home, and that they are stuffed without his strength in challenges.
Andrew is delighted Rohan went and now has little scrapper Conner in his sights as a middle man who could be potentially be lured by the siren call of Kat, Kristie and Phoebe.
Andrew reckons he’s the only one playing the game. “I have a Ferrari in my brain and the rest are driving Hyundai Excels,” he says. So, Andrew is another one who knows what to say to get the camera time and entertain us here at home. And now we know Hyundai is not a sponsor.
A dispirited Phoebe is trying to chill on the beach when Kat rubs her the wrong way by listing the 1001 things she hated about Rohan. If I were Kat I’d be keeping my distance from Phoebe and showing the yellow core alliances I wanted nothing to do with her. Cosying up to the next obvious target is dangerous.
Meanwhile, Craig has been looking for the hidden immunity idol, using the clue he fluked upon at the shuffle feast, to no avail. (And with Phoebe playing Rohan’s HII last night, does that mean it will be re-hidden on the same beach?)

It’s Day 22 and we get some stunning aerial shots of Samoa (hope this boosts their tourism) and, over at blue beach, everyone is living the sweet life. They have all the comfort items and the fishing gear. Lee is loving having Spidey Sam to buddy around with, but he’s a bit worried he and El will be targets when the good times end. El is confident, however, that give time, they can both play a good social game and forge new alliances.
Back at blue Phoebe goes idol hunting because she has run out of options. Having noticed Craig “collecting firewood” in one area and finding it a bit suss, she has a hunt around and, wallah: idol! Good on you, Phoebe – hopefully you won’t have to play it within the next 24 hours.
Her tribemates are discussing how screwed they’ll be at the challenge without Rohan’s strength, but Andrew’s not fussed: “For me, challenges just get in the way of the real part of the game; which is voting people out.” Hear, hear, Andrew. I really only like the challenges when they go to individual immunity and they are tests of endurance, balance or intelligence, rather than the giant team obstacle course ones that favour the protein shake pack.”
But, since we are getting a lot of Andrew talking, do they try and vote out Phoebe tonight (or Pheobe, as a lot of them think she’s named) and, because they don’t split the votes, Andrew goes home? That would be good TV.

Come on in, guys
JLap has ditched the navy T-shirt for marle grey and his Wolverine-veined forearms are glistening in the sun, but blue tribe doesn’t have time to admire his outfit because they are shocked that Rohan was voted out. Straight away they pick Kat as the mastermind, which is giving Kat more credit than she deserves.
The challenge involves a lot of climbing, balancing and creating ladder rungs, ending in a puzzle. Brooke sits out for blue. Kylie is going to pretty much skip through this challenge and El’s army background will help. I can’t see yellow winning this – they don’t have the co-ordination. I really want an update on Kate’s boil – it might hurt a lot for her to have to stretch her arm so high for this challenge. Poor Sue is a short-arse and can barely reach the top rung.
“Kat, struggling a bit for Vavau,” intones JLap. She teases back: “I’m not struggling, buddy!”
Thanks to Nick, blue knows what the puzzle picture will be almost straight away. He and Magic Matt get to work for blue while it’s Kate and Andrew for yellow.
The result is predictable and yellow will be back at tribal council.

(Side note: The editors are being a bit mean with the Kat edit tonight: First there was a shot of her looking like a dead fish in the shelter, mouth agape and half an eye open, and then in the challenge there was a lingering shot on her backside as she struggled to climb over the obstacle. Just because she’s a “villain” doesn’t mean they need to seek out all the unflattering shots they can find.)


Back at yellow beach, Andrew pulls his alliance buddies plus Conner aside to discuss the vote and has Kat in his sights. He tells Kat that Phoebe is the target.
Coma Kate is worried they are on a sinking ship and has a very roundabout chat with Craig about how much Andrew sucks at challenges because he’s not trying (although I don’t think either of them actually uttters his name). Ooh – this could be fun.
We’d seen Andrew sit out a tonne of challenges but I thought he was just out of shape, but now we learn that he doesn’t even have a go and doesn’t help around camp. Phoebe is gunning for Andrew, too, with her former tribemates. She wants him gone so much she is willing to work with Kat, even though she despises her now.
“He’s shit at challenges,” (now there’s a word you wouldm’t hear on US Survivor) Phoebe tells Kat and Pigtails Kristie, then confesses she found the idol. Kat doesn’t believe her – just show her, Phoebe. Saying “I swear on my life; why would I lie” doesn’t cut it on Survivor. The three of them approach Conner to try and get something started when Andy, once again, appears to stymie the conversation, as he does so often this episode.


Tribal council
JLap has ditched the chinos for some smart casual shorts. I am not a fan of him mixing up the wardrobe. He prods for comments about how surprising it was to see Rohan voted out, given he had muscles. Sue tells JLap they didn’t do that badly in the challenge but no-one is buying that. Kate tells JLap the tribe needs to get some more “oomph” and Phoebe gives a passionate speech about how much effort she puts in at each challenge because she knows she’s in danger. Sue says she tries hard, too, but Andrew doesn’t bother to say he tries and just talks about loyalty.
Kat – who must be thinking they are talking about her being a dud at challenges – announces to everyone she pledged loyalty to the core yellow alliance at the last tribal and the look on Phoebe and Kristie’s faces is priceless. Kristie is great for reaction shots so I hope she sticks around for a bit.
Kristie gets up to vote and Kat whispers to Phoebe: “I’m with you.” Phoebe does not look reassured. We see Kristie vote for Andrew and Andrew vote for Kat.
The votes are: Kat, Andy, Kat, Andrew, Kat, Kat and it’s Kat. Phoebe must be glad she didn’t play the idol – I wonder if she voted for Kat?
A smiling Kat turns to the tribe as her torch is snuffed: “It’s been an absolute pleasure, guys. Play hard. See you on the outside.” Bye, Kat – go home and burn that leopard print thing.

Next time
We just get footage of Andrew blathering about getting his revenge on the “stupid girls” who voted for him.

The vote reveal
Everyone on yellow voted for Kat and, yes, Phoebe did indeed vote for Kat (which I imagine she only decided to do after Kat’s “I’m with Vavau” speech).



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Australian Survivor – Sun, Sept 11

The ads are talking up tonight’s ep as the “biggest blunder ever”, so let’s hope it’s not all hype. Does Phoebe set a honey trap for Rohan and convince him to hand over his idol (shades of Erik the ice cream scooper), then vote him out?

Here we go
Finally, yellow team’s Craig gets a chance to read the piece of paper he found in his napkin at the tribe shuffle feast. Plus he’s sporting a spiffy new tank top – guess since it goes for 55 days the contestants were allowed to pack more than one top this time. It gives him clues about the idol being hidden in a spot that gets covered at high tide.
Over at blue Jennah Louise is the odd person out, with no connections to her tribemates (well, other than Nick, but she’s his arch nemesis).
At yellow, Pigtails Kristie is using the tried and tested method of doing yoga on the beach in a bid to get Kate to like her. Kat is sucking up to yellow by giving Craig a massage (ick), saying he feels tight. “It’s probably because we sleep on logs,” he replies. I like Craig.
Former blues Model Rohan and Lawyer Phoebe know they have to come up with a plan or they’re toast – but Rohan has an idol.
Yellow is keen to win the challenge, given it is composed of people Nick basically rejected in the schoolyard pick for the tribe swap – or people who though they had voted him out on that twisty nighty where tribal was a fakeout.

Come on in, guys
It’s challenge time and for once it’s not in the ocean. JLap tries to elicit some fighting words from a few players before revealing that the mud pit in front of them is a take on the old Survivor challenge where they use their bodies to scoop up as much mud as possible. Usually this involves sets of scales or a bucket but today they have to fill up a wooden box.
The winners get to go somewhere where there is a shower, toothbrushes and razors. Flick is most excited about the razor, planning to cut a few throats with it later on.
The challenge begins and Conner uses his shirt to scoop up a bunch of mud and Lee carries a big blob on his head (a method Woo of the floppy hair employed effectively in one of his seasons). At first a couple of the girls don’t even get their faces or hair muddy – what the! There are quite a few “oh – sorry” moments as tribemates grab the muddy ones on their bits in a bid to scrape off the mud.
Blue team wins convincingly. At the very least Nick would be familiar with the challenge from past seasons, so perhaps they discussed a winning strategy.
“Do you want a hug?” a barely recognisable mud-coated Nick asks JLap. If only he’d said yes – that would truly set him apart from Jeff, and it’s not like he even wears the same shirt every day.
Pigtails Kristie tells the camera it’s ok to lose reward as long as you win immunity. Hmm, Kristie is getting a lot of air time. What does this mean?

At reward
The girls wash each other and shave their legs – why would you bother? The boys wash each other and Lee even cleans Jennah Louise’s ears with a cotton bud. JL is wondering how she can sneak her way in when Kylie starts telling her to not give in. JL is hopeful she can join up with El, Lee and Sam also, but we’ve yet to see evidence of this.

More Kristie confessionals as her losing yellow tribe heads to the ocean to rinse off.
Rohan uses the cleaning time to schmooze up to Conner and Andrew but Andrew is straight on to him. Rohan spills his guts to them about everything that happened at his old team’s past tribals (including that they tried to vote out Kat) and he tells them that he got the idol clue. Silly Rohan – Phoebe is going to kill you. Andrew straight away tells Kat what was said and she is quick to (wisely) throw Rohan under the bus, saying he has the idol. And even if he didn’t, I’d still be saying that he did.
Craig is finding it hard to get away from camp to look for the idol, given, as he says, the tides come in and out every six hours. He needs to tell someone so they can help him look.
Instead, he gets the whole tribe to go for a walk in the guise of “exploring”, which apparently they’ve never before done. This is hard to believe, so perhaps production told them they weren’t allowed to.

Blue team arrives back from the reward to find their whole camp is drenched, the fire is out and life sucks again. Over at yellow they are also freezing and sleepless but businessman Andrew seems to be tolerating it well, although he has more body fat than the girls. Nanna Sue is over being wet and not having had a decent sleep since the game began but, again, seems rather stoic about it.

Immunity challenge time
Brooke tells JLap the spa challenge revealed a few people were lightweights at drinking champers but, sadly, we didn’t see any of that. I love it on US Survivor when people who are starving get drunk and say things they shouldn’t.
The challenge is basically a game of super rough basketball played in waist-deep water. Coma Kate proves a physical force for yellow and Lee and Rohan have a good ole wrestle now they are rivals – no doubt photos of this muscle-bound match-up will be popping up over the net by now. Nick sinks one for blue. Kylie takes numerous shots for blue (she’s probably the shortest girl out there) and finally sinks one.
I love watching Kat have a death grip around the waist of teeny Brooke, and again Kate sinks the ball. The last round is the all-boys challenge again. There’s a lot of giving each other boardshort wedgies. Eventually they are all so knackered no-one has the heart to chase down Magic Matt when he gets free with the ball, and he wins it for blue. There is much hugging, even between opponents – something you don’t see on US Survivor. I’m guessing the challenge took a long time to film and they were all just glad it was finally over.
So, Nick is safe for another night at least and Rohan must be panicking.

Back at yellow – after a little joking about how much Craig enjoyed holding some of those blue boys tightly – Phoebe is dispirited and we get a glimpse of the bandage under Kate’s arm but no boil update – dammit. She tries to get in with Kate but Kate’s non-committal (and, also, Kate isn’t exactly at the top of her alliance so she probably doesn’t know what’s happening). Rohan blurts out to Sue that the idol was found (then immediately regrets it) and, then, while Kat is within earshot, tells Sue and Conner how dangerous and evil Kat is and that he wants to target her.
“I’ll write down Rohan and it will be the greatest day of my life,” Kat tells Craig and Sue afterwards. Kat and Craig would be a great team going forward, if they can trust each other. Interestingly yellow seems to have totally embraced Conner as one of them, but they are dubious about Kat. “She’s a flipper,” says Craig as, in the jungle, Kat tries to convince Kristie to vote for Rohan.

Phoebe tells Rohan she will be the target and that she needs his idol, but doesn’t think he will hand it over. Well, people have fallen for the honey trap (such as Erik the ice-cream scooper) before, so you never know.
Phoebe tries to convince Kat and Kristie to vote for Sue, so that if Rohan plays the idol one of the yellow core will go home. Which shows a marked lack of strategy – why not go for a stronger player, like Craig? Sure, Sue has social game but Craig is an obvious triple threat and would look good as a “scalp” when it comes to showing you can make the big moves.

Tribal council
JLap starts with a chat about how they all felt about the tribe shakeup (it’s not a merge, JLap!). Andrew says how great it was to keep his original tribe together – how soon Jennah Louise has been forgotten. Andrew tells the former reds that if any of them are worried about their futures they need to join the yellow vote. Phoebe realises – and only just now, it seems – that she’s out of the loop. There’s a bit of whispering between Rohan and Phoebe and Phoebe and Kat. God I hope Kat goes with yellow, just so I can see Phoebe and Rohan’s faces.
Interestingly, a sick-looking Phoebe votes for Sue while Rohan votes for Kat (who’s wearing her striped palazzo pants). Andrew votes for Phoebe.

The votes are about to be read and Phoebe plays the idol – so Rohan DID give it to her. I feel a bit gipped we didn’t get a dramatic handing over at tribal. Let’s hope yellow split the vote.
JLap reads the votes: Rohan, Kat, Sue, Pheobe (sic), Pheobe, Phoebe, Pheb’s (sic), Pheobe (sic) and Rohan. Rohan is gone. Phoebe looks dreadful.
Phoebe turns to Kat: “We could have had four-four.”. Kat: “Now we’re all on the bottom.”

Next time: All we see is Kat talking about getting revenge on Rohan and annoying Phoebe. That’s it. No challenge preview, no strategising.
Vote reveal: Boy, yellow were lucky the old reds were so disorganised, as they left themselves wide open by all voting for Phoebe. We see Kat and Kristie cast the two Rohan votes.

So, Kat, Kristie and Phoebe will be in trouble next time round but their votes for Rohan may give them an in with some of the core yellows. Perhaps Andrew will use them to move against Craig – a desire he mentioned some episodes ago, once, and about which we’ve not heard since. And if the core yellow does decide to stick together there will be seem easy vote offs that will last them to the real merge.



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The Bachelor – Is it finally Bacon Girl’s turn?

I really hope bacon lover Noni gets a singe date tonight that involves Richie plying with her oysters (Kilpatrick, of course), given her childish gagging the other week. If you don’t like oyster be grown up enough to say so, Noni!
Or will she be dateless and get the boot for which she was the obvious recipient last week, until Megan from WA walked.

No full recap from me tonight but a few points:
1. I’m worried Richie hasn’t said “You can’t rush feelings” enough times on his single date.
2. What does intruder Steph mean “you don’t date in Ballarat”? It’s a city. Do bogans not date?
3. How much does that chick reading the questions look like Kiki.
4. Nikki looks so much nicer in daytime makeup and casual clothing.
5. Steph always dresses like it’s 2am at a nightclub.
6. Why did Osher tell the girls the others would be watching on video? More drama if it was a surprise.
7. Poor Richie having to go through that so many times.
8. Nice boob press by Kiki.
9. Alex is creeping me out with her intensity in the touch challenge.
10. Richie and Faith’s date included real conversation and had a certain ease to it. A girl with a sense of humour – yay!
11. Nikki’ response to Alex’s meltdown makes me like Nikki even more.
12. Noni took her ousting with grace, despite the flood of tears.
13. Bye horse girl whose name I never knew.
13. So,next boot is Sarah?



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The Bachelor – Aug 4 – You’ve Gotta Have Faith

Faith gets the date card and as she waits on a dock for Richie the camera operator fixates lovingly on her ample bosom. Richie rocks up in aviator sunnies and a tux, pretending to know how to drive a speedboat and that there’s not a cameraman crouched awkwardly under the dash, filming him.
As affable as ever, Bachie spouts his lines with enthusiasm.


Faith has an extensive knowledge of maritime vehicles. ‘I’ve never been in a … uh … is this a yacht?” she asks. (“What do ya call these, love?” “Rissoles.”)
Luckily Richie seems to enjoy her ditziness.
They meet Dennis the flair bartender, who juggles up some martinis for them , makig me ponder if Tom Cruise still has any of the skills he learnt on the set of Cocktail.

Back at the house, it’s time for the group date card, and it’s singer Eliza, Georgia, Bacon Girl Noni, Sophie, Rachael, mysterious Olena and Villian Keira.
Back on the date Richie and Faith are obviously freezing as they frolick in the pool but luckily playing pool basketball encourages a great deal of skin-on-skin action. Richie loves that Faith is so competitive but can have a laugh as well.
“She dominated,” he says with a straight face.
They have a chat about love, family, morals and stuff.
“Yeah, I really like you,” he tells her, then they go the pash.


She returns to the house clutching a rose, telling the others “I don’t kiss and tell”. Faith seems more low maintenance than some of the other girls.

The group date begins and the Keira is relieved to learn it’s not going to be as strenuous as last time’s sumo roller derby date. But Bacon Girl, aged 25, is worried to learn the nature of the date: “I twerk; I don’t do ballroom dancing.” C’mon – don’t make me change your name from Bacon Girl to Miley Cyrus.
Osher reminds us that Richie showed his breakdancing skills in The Bachelorette but, sadly, does not call for a demo. Missed opportunity, Oshie!
Sophie the invisible brunette is getting camera time, so she’s a goner. The girls learn there will be a dance off and the winner gets more time with Bachie. First, they have to pick a partner and stupidly no-one goes near Richie, so Keira swoops in. But apparently she has a sore arm (presumably from the roller derbying) so can’t hold her waltz frame properly. The other girls are appropriately sympathetic. “She just needs to toughen up,” Mean Girl Rachael tells the camera.
After some practising with each other, the girls get to sit to one side like wallflowers, watching longingly as, one by one, they waltz with Richie.
Surprisingly Olena, who carries herself with such poise, is a rubbish dancer. “Watching Olena is hilarious. She is just awkward and unco,” Kaira laughs to camera.


Keira is last to dance and does her moves hamming it up sultrily. She is picked as the winner by the producers – ahem – Richie.
Her prize is a dress that is apparently worth $6500 but looks like Spotlight was having a special on bulk buys of black and white tulle.


She has to walk down the staircase in the giant dress and it’s obvious they didn’t know what to do with her hair. Why not slick it back?
Most of the girls say nice things … Most.
“She just to me doesn’t look like Cinderella – more like the Wicked Witch,” says Mean Girl Rachael to camera. I wonder if Rachael knows she’s the secret villain of the show or if, like Princess Emily last year, she’s oblivious? Keira knows she’s a villain and relishes her role.
Keira and Richie head outside for a horse and carriage ride and Keira does a hilarious royal wave to the others, who head back to the house to prank the other contestants that Keira was sent packing.
Sadly they crack and tell the truth straight away, and speculation turns to whether Keira’s demeanour on the date will be better than usual.
“What – crying, whingeing, complaining?” quips Georgia. But Marja – beautiful, invisible Marja the yoga teacher and actress – sticks up for her: “You’d be surprised – there’s a softer side to Keira and I think that that will come out if Richie’s alone with her.”

Meanwhile, Richie and Keira are dancing in a fairy light-strewn garden to the tune of a string quartet. She’s a graceful dancer.
As usual, the girls have been herded into the kitchen to await the return of the datee, and Keira twirls her gown to reveal she got a rose.


She seems happy with how things went, until singer Eliza speaks.

“Keira, I’m so happy for you, darling,” she starts, then takes her to task in a mild tone for seeming ungrateful to be spending time with Richie earlier. Have I been watching too much UnREAL or did a producer tell Eliza to poke the bear in return for more air time?
It escalates from there and Keira walks out. The others avoid eye contact.

It’s cocktail party time and Sophie is saying she reckons she’s safe, so she’s definitely gone.
Alex is dithering over the white rose while Eliza is getting angsty over not having cleared the air with Keira. Kiki tells her to chill while Noni, forgetting – or not caring – there are 10 cameras on her, readjusts her boobs so they are sitting more comfortable in her strappy dress.
Eliza insists on trying to apologise to Keira despite repeatedly being asked to leave it for another time. OMG – what is Mean Girl Rachael wearing?
rachwhiteoutfit
What’s with all the chokers, halter necks and weird scarves this season? Rachael tells Alex she can’t use the white rose until she herself has chatted with Richie. Just kidding – ha ha – but if you do I will totally kill you – just kidding … Sleep with one eye open, Alex.
Alex sheds a little tear as she lets Rachael grab Richie, wistfully waiting for Richie to come to her rather than play the white rose.

It’s rose time …


And it’s goodbye to brunettes Sophie and Marja, who seemed kind.
Sophie hugs Richie and whispers: “Look after Nikki.” (Indeed, Nikki was looking a bit shell-shocked at the cocktail party – perhaps she’s just realising he could be pashing a lots of girls).

at least you won't have to wear this dress again, Sophie.
at least you won’t have to wear this dress again, Sophie.

Bye, Marja.
Bye, Marja.

Next week
It looks like Alex finally gets a single date with Richie and she’s so in lurrve and she’s going to lock him in her cellar forever and ever, while the other girls get those fake babies they use to try and scare American teenagers into abstinence. This could be fun.



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The Bold and the Beautiful

Over to delightful Daisy for the August Bold thread …
Hi Again B&B fans (and not so fans). I suspect you are all feeling peeved and frustrated at the Forresters’ inability to stay out of trouble. Of course it would help if any of them would marry outside of the immediate family, but we can expect the barn dance to continue as they swing their partners and dosey do back to another brother or sister’s wife or husband. Of course it’s the ridiculous cycle of life in LA. Well, at Forrester creations and Spencer Publications.
This months we commence with Wyatt and Stephie discovering they were married by a con man, and Katy declaring her love for Bill and Brooke, and pledging alliegance to her family. This leaves Bill and Brooke with a dilemma as they were just planning a life together, again. One where Brooke doesn’t hide under the bed.
So I think we can predict that Stephie will wrestle with her emotions, while Wyatt and Liam will fight for her love. But in good old B&B fashion, she will love them both. More people will discover the (not so) secret of Douglas’s paternity. And Katy might find Bill and Brooke hiding together in the shower, but they will claim to be putting her interests first and saving water.
One day our grandchildren might watch young Douglas marry or fight it out in the boardroom or bedroom with Rick and Maya’s…or is that Nicole’s baby. Feel free to predict or rewrite your B&B plot.

Brooke is now 1000 years old and has been married 34 times, but you'd never know it.
Brooke is now 1000 years old and has been married 34 times, but you’d never know it.



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The Bachelor – Wed, Aug 3

Just a brief recap from me tonight, gice. Make sure you check out Rosie Waterland’s hilarious recaps on her Facebook page or at mamamia.com.au

The single date goes to Megan, the WA blondie who we know from recent news stories was a brunette when she got married at 18 and divorced at 22, and had what she said was a sheltered upbringing due to being raised in a strict church family (I’m thinking Mormons).
She and Richie are going to dangle off a cliff in some chair and crane contraption, but it’s ok – they’re wearing matching safety chambray shirts. I love how all the Bachies and contestants talk as though the Bachies arrange the dates themselves.


Back at the house the group date card arrives and Mean Girl Rachael is not happy to get an invite because she doesn’t like sharing. White rose holder Alex is on there, too, as are Nikki who flashed everyone in the shiny green dress last week, feisty Russian Sasha, Keira, the elegant yet unknown Marja (there’s an article about her acting career here, Cinderella Janey, model Kiki, Tolyna, Bacon Girl, Planker Tiffany and Sophie, who’s had the least airtime after perhaps Tolyna and Marja.
On the single date, Richie and Megan move from a couch over the ocean to a couch in some tropical Asian-style villa. Megan says some deeper than usual, intense things about wanting a partner who shows graciousness to others. It’s enough to make Richie pull out a rose on the spot. Then he leans in for a kiss and – uh – she turns the cheek. Afterwards there’s awkward laughter from both of them and they both know what happened. But then they chat some more about how they both love nature and the pash is on. “That was really nice – nice kiss,” he tells her.
The group date starts and they’re going roller derbying. Rachael is very inappropriately dressed in a biker jacket and a black felt floppy hat.


Keira tells the camera: “I’m a princess, I do yoga. I like things that are more relaxed and chilled, like, this is hectic – I’m gonna get a real shock.”
A real roller derby team comes out to show them the ropes and some of the contestants are obviously clueless about how tough the sport is. Osher explains the winning team gets to go to a VIP street party with Richie. What does this mean? They’re going to the alley behind the roller rink to sink a few coldies?
The girls are now all dressed the same in teeny tops and shorts, so it makes it even harder to tell some of the blondes apart. But then Richie reveals the twist: they’re going to be wearing sumo suits. He looks super puppy dog excited to be wearing his.


I reckon Bacon Girl and Tolyna won’t be afraid to jab a few elbows in.
Keira thinks girls just pretend to like sport. She’s soon flat on her back on the floor, kicking like a sprayed cockroach. And then actually does a good job when it’s her turn. Not a lot else happens, until Tolyna breezes past the competition to win victory for blues.
Red Keira is just glad it’s all over, and tells the camera, cracking up: “Some of the girls were like: This is the best fun I’ve ever had. And I was like: Who are you? What do you do outside of this?” Good call, Keira. Roller derbying in a sumo suit ain’t my idea of a fun date.
Turns out the street party is another part of the roller rink set up with party lights, couches made out of milk crates and a few retro food trucks. It gives Richie the chance to have some speed dates, where he finds out Cinderella Janey isn’t competitive.


Tiffany is worried she’s going to spew at every rose ceremony and Tolyna has super intense eyes but isn’t good at Bachie sound bytes. It’s super awkward but at least she’s upfront about not wanting kids yet.
Before the rose ceremony, the girls are speculating whether Alex will use the white rose. Of course she will! Sophie gets a bit of air time and she’s barely recognisable in a different hairdo, but she seems to have the lowdown on the Richie and Megan kissing action. “Yuk – I don’t want sloppy seconds,” blurts Keira sporting a bizarre caterpillar-like mega earring.
Megan returns from a chat with Richie to discover everyone now knows they kissed. “It’s stupid – you can kiss whoever the bleep you want,” Marja tells her.
Alex apparently promised not to use the white rose but Richie whisks her off to their hideaway anyway. There’s a lot of talk among the girls about etiquette. Rachael tells the camera they’re not in high school and are adults, then says: “We’re pissed off.” Yep, good adulting, Rachael.


Hardly any air time tonight for the ravishing Olena or white-haired Nikki – or the loopy singer lady or brunette Georgia or Faith – but they are no doubt safe.
Osher delivers the sad news that three girls will be taken out the back and shot tonight.
Richie gives the last rose to Eliza, the singer, so Tiffany the Planker is going home – but we don’t really know why – along with Janey and Tolyna.
Sasha weeps buckets of tears for Tolyna.


Bye, girls.
Bye, girls.

tiffany

tolyna

Tomorrow night
Faith plays water polo with Richie, using her boobs to try and drown him, while Keira goes on a group date but then seems to get alone time with Richie while wearing an over-the-top ballgown.



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