Tonight’s the night we find out if Villain Jess and He of the Serial Killer stare, Marcos, can walk the talk.
Of course, we start with footage of them working out, then it’s a rehash of some of their most villainous quotes. after a week of seeing them on TV it’s only now we learn she works in OH&S for the construction industry (is she like Safety Cam on The Block?) and he’s an amateur boxer (does that mean he is unemployed?).
They “mates from Melbourne” have chosen to do a vegetarian menu, and it’s a gutsy move as it’s certainly easier to create crowd-pleasing, punchier flavours using meat.
Their menu is:
Entree: Herb and zucchini fritters with fennel flat bread and yoghurt sauce (sounds very simple).
Main: Stained Glass Lasagne with Mushroom Ragu (yum!)
Dessert: Spiced carrot and pineapple cake with carrot and ginger jelly (not sure about the jelly component).
In Coles, Jess is buying canned pineapple for the cake and is careful to buy one that does not have added sugar. However, she has no qualms about purchasing a brand that comes from Thailand, rather than Aussie grown.
All of a sudden Jess is about food being a balance of naughty and nice – this from the woman who cut out easting chocolate because she loved it too much…
Back home and they are setting up the restaurant in their cooking time, so we know they’ll be running late al night.
Their restaurant, The Upper Cut, is a 1920s boxing theme. Who comes up with this stuff?
Finally they are in the kitchen with only 1 hour 46 minutes to go.
Jess gets started on the cakes: “I’ve made this recipe so many times I am just going to freeball it.” They are talking up how the cake uses the pineapple’s natural sweetness, but then Jess adds at least one cup of brown sugar. Umm, just because it’s brown, Jess, it doesn’t make it healthy.
Marcos is sous chef tonight and he’s moving too slowly on the mushrooms for Jess’s taste. Luckily, as he says: “I like taking orders.”
I’m surprised they made they mushroom sauce so tomatoey – I was picturing a mushroom and goat’s curd-type deal.
They get changed (and, yes, Jess is wearing a weird blingy playsuit that just covers her boobs – hopefully no-one glances sideways when she’s leaning over to put a dish on the table) and when they return one of the cakes looks overdone. Only now is Jess making pasta dough and it looks like a small quantity.
The guests arrive and are awkwardly greeted. In the kitchen Marcos has not left the food processor all night – he’s done carrots, mushrooms and now zucchini. Pete and Manu arrive to what sounds like Jet’s Cold Hard Bitch – are you trying to tell us something, editors?
The teams check out the menu and quickly pick up on the oil and carbs being used – and the lack of protein.
In the kitchen they are just starting to make their fritters and Jess comments they don’t want them to be too salty. Uh oh, here comes another underseasoned dish. The producers send Pete into the kitchen to try and rattle them and he gets to hear Jess tell him the entree came to her in a dream. He ripostes with: “Do you think it’s going to be a dream or a nightmare for the guests out there?” One point to Pete.
The fritters look tasty but it’s definitely two dishes crammed on one plate. And no garnish of fresh herbs or salsa.
What do you think of the entree? #FitFriends #MKR pic.twitter.com/eiMrm75sQT
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) February 21, 2016
Time to watch the judges masticate …
Pete must have been hoping for some yummy healthy food that’s right up his alley. “It’s halfway there .. sort of.” The fritters lack flavour, while the sauce is terrific. Manu points out the fritter and bread together don’t make sense.
The guests are underwhelmed and Nev and Kell are happy they are in with a chance.
In the kitchen they haven’t started on the jelly yet. That’s going to take forever to set, even in a thin sheet.
They are making the stained glass pasta – layering flat-leaf parsley between the sheets for effect – and the lasagne looks lovely and thin. (I appreciate their use of a container of gelatine powder as a measuring tool, since I bought that exact purple container of gelatine four hours ago.) However, in the dining room it’s been 90 minutes since entree and the guests are getting antsy. Where do Pete and Manu go between courses? Do they have ritzy trailers out in the street where Manu can watch soccer and Pete can meditate?
The pasta is finally served and the guests mistake the mushroom duxelle for beef and get excited.
Main is finally served! #FitFriends #MKR pic.twitter.com/ZqTDC2khnB
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) February 21, 2016
Chew time … Pete likes the stained glass effect and that it’s meat free but, says the tomatoes are too strong. Manu is not happy that the mushrooms have been minced to mimic meat rather than sliced. Jess opines the whole point is to trick the senses, but Manu does not look impressed. Again the dish is underseasoned.
The Italians give props for the texture of lasagne sheets but apparently Jess has served them a severed horse’s head as well, because they are brutal about the flavour.
In the kitchen Jess wisely slices the burnt crust off the cake but she and Marcos are fighting about the amount of icing sugar to put in the icing. Marcos knows they will get bagged out if their dessert is not sweet.
After a wait of 2 hours and 15 mins they serve dessert. Don’t know why it took so long – perhaps some of the dessert making we were shown earlier didn’t actually occur til later.
Do you think the dessert was worth waiting for? #FitFriends #MKR pic.twitter.com/HQdZar51Sl
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) February 21, 2016
Time to chews … Manu is missimg the spice of the cake … and the pineapple … and the sugar. “Sigh” pretty much sums up his comments. Pete also thinks it’s not sweet enough, so you know it must have been really bland.
If they wanted a dessert that wasn’t too sweet, why not
Credit to Nev, who’s on the chopping block – he’s a big fan of the jelly. And the Italians appreciate the moistness of the cake.
Scores: Argh, I’ve typed out this: Sisters ; Miners ; Nev and Kell ; Lovebirds; Italians … but of course we have to go to kitchen HQ to get the scores as it’s the last cook of the round.
Judges: Entree Pete 4, Manu 4; Main Pete 7, Manu 7; Dessert Pete 3, Manu 2.
Guest score: 11/50. Ouch! That means four 2s and one 3.
For a total of 38. Jess and Marcos remain stoic but you can tell they are upset.
And here comes Group 1 again, just when we’d forgotten them, and in strides Colin like a rock star and the girls are even more excited than when they met Manu.
Colin makes the shocking announcement there is a whole other group of cooks. Erm, isn’t this the EXACT SAME TWIST as last year? New villains Lauren and Dee are introduced. Could Channel 7 not at least rustle up a bitchy gay guy to provide some snide comments this season?
Anyway, it will be good to see what Rachel Khoo makes of it all, and if she has a new show coming to Channel 7, as currently she’s on SBS.