Who do you think it will be?
I’m expecting 40 minutes of flashbacks (including some of the regrettable wardrobe choices, Alex mentioning she has a son and Richie saying the girls are gorgeous), 10 minutes of new footage (including lots of a shirtless Richie staring at the ocean as he thinks) and the rest ads.
After a flashback recap with a voiceover by Osher as he stands somewhere scenic to remind us we are in Bali (which they are keen to tell us is in Indonesia), we are reintroduced to Richie’s mum and sis, whom we met on the hometown date when Sam Frost was the Bachelorette. From memory Richie was super hyper as he introduced her to family and friends, and Sam ditched him at the end of the episode. Richie’s sis looks a bit like Nikki – white hair included – and, like Nikki, she has a thing for plunging necklines. Can everyone just go back to wearing bras, please!
Alex is up first and the producers have obviously told Richie (sorry – Rich) not to pre-warn his family about Alex’s son. Bit cruel. We learn Alex manages her family’s wedding reception centre. This is the first we’ve heard that Alex has a life outside of “single mum” (and “nude model”) because women’s careers don’t matter on The Bachelor. Alex tells them she has a son and they ask polite questions about him.
The producers tell mum to take Alex aside to probe her about their sons. Mum as much as says Richie has no idea about how to deal with a kid, and how he would cramp Richie’s style. Mum tells Alex that Richie will have to do all the compromising, travelling to visit her. Alex says she would consider, down the track, moving to WA.
After Alex leaves, mum tells Richie he hasn’t thought enough about what’s involved in dating a woman with a child. He says he has thought about it, then admits he doesn’t have a clue really.
Now it’s Nikki’s turn and everyone has had a wardrobe change. Mum thinks Nikki seems lovely. Alex has the son “bombshell” so Nikki’s is that she was in a long-term relationship – booyah! Nikki gives some good answers and acts naturally. “So, you’re not a basket case?” mum jokes. Later she tells the camera Nikki would fit in to their family well and sis agrees.
Mum – who has a bit of a Julie Bishop laser beam eyes thing going on – warns Richie he needs to consider the negatives (she means Alex’s son, Richie!).
Date time
They’ve braided Nikki’s hair, given her an off-the-shoulder barmaid at Oktoberfest blouse, short shorts and high wedges – just what you need to climb into a helicopter. They fly around for a while and land in a rice paddy to take a wander around a temple where they feed monkeys. Nikki is very tolerant of monkeys climbing on to her bare shoulders.
Rich tells her that his mum was “pretty rapt” to meet her. They have a big pash at the temple entrance. Later they have a chat on a Bachie couch and Nikki looks so blissfully happy. They kiss but she’s the one pulling him in closer.
Uh oh – if he doesn’t choose her Twitter will go into meltdown.
Alex gets to go on a massive sailboat and she’s also wearing massive wedges. She has a chat to him about how kids can be pains in the arse some times and you have to suck it up. They frolic in the ocean but then it’s time to sit on a couch while Alex reads him a poem she wrote before she even met Richie but suddenly it’s about him. She drops the L word. He kisses her and replies “you’re so beautiful”.
It’s time for everyone to get dressed and to pretend the girls do their own makeup. Nikki is in red; Alex in gold. Both have rather heavy evening-style makeup. Nikki – who looks so much better in blues – of course has the plunging neckline requiring much Hollywood tape while Alex’s love of chokers continues.
Rich looks dapper in a pale blue suit and crisp white open-necked shirt, but the slip-on shoes ruin the sharp look.
Poor Osh has been allowed to make no concession for the Bali heat and has to wear a tie. Rich tells Osh he’s in love and, after a bro hug, it’s off to break someone’s heart.
Are we there yet? This is taking forever and I really want to check my Facebook.
Nikki is first out of the car and she has a little reminisce with Osh. Then it’s off to hold hands with Rich while he tells her life would be sweet with her but IT’S ALEX! OMG. The internet hive mind was right: the girl in the paler dress always wins.
Rich asks if’s ok and she holds it together admirably. “I’ve had a great time; I’ve had a lot of fun … I love you enough to, you know … I thought what we had was special. What you have with Alex must top all of it.”
Aww, Nikki – such grace under pressure. Even in the car as the tears begin she says she has no hard feelings for Rich. “No regrets.” Please can we find Nikki a nice bloke.
So it’s Alex, who all this time was painted by the producers as having incurable Single Mum disease, which turned her into a bunny boiler.
Alex steps out of the car and we get a lovely shot of her foot tatt. There’s a lot of padding out and he says the L word and she can’t believe he would pick her, with her incurable disease and all. He gives her a ring (presumably it’s a promise ring but it’s not discussed).
And there we have it. Now I can read all your comments!