Finally, auction time is here. The finale is listed to run from 7-8.30pm, so I reckon in tune in about 8pm and you’ll actually see some bidding.
It will be interesting to see how they go, as one of the last times The Block did houses it was a flop sales-wise. Remember in 2011, when Josh and Jenna’s house was passed in (shortly after he’d proposed to her on TV). Rod and Tania and sisters Amie and Katrina’s places were also passed in, making Polly and Waz winners by default (the Hannah and Clint of that season).
The following year the teams all walked away with decent winnings, including Dan (now Foreman Dan) and Danni and Brad and Lara.
IT BEGINS
Montage: Flashback to the houses being moved … building work .. reminder Jason is a dick … end montage.
Then they go all poor man’s Top Gear, with aerial shots of a house removal truck facing off against a security van for possession of the reserves in locked suitcases. The suitcases are old because, you know, character homes.
The contestants are called before a panel of Scotty, Shayna, Alice from Domain and some other woman.
Several minutes are spent watching the contestants trawl through old junk in the cases. Before we learn what the reserves are, we get to-camera pieces from everyone saying how high they are.
And, without telling us what they are, it’s time for auction order.
Other chick is a real estate expert with excellent diction who speaks about awk-shun clearance rates. Alice says she think Josh and Elyse should go first due to buyer interest, then Jason and Sarah.
Shayna agrees J and E should go first because the losers from it will then bid on other houses.
Shayna says Ronnie and Georgia’s House has become niche because of the pool. The editors are loving cutting to Georgia’s resting bitch face. So should go third. Sticks and Wombat fourth and Clint and Hannah last – and she reminds them last place has won before (from my memory, Steve and Chantal).
Everyone seems cool without except R & G and S & W both want third spot, under their agents’ advice.
Whatever happened to the old days of jumping into a pool to retrieve a brick which determined the pecking order? Nine must be really worried about non-sales. There is a lot of talk of getting the order right so buyers who miss out will move on and bid on the next property.
They are at an impasse so Ronnie suggests showing the reserves to add to the discussion, but S and W aren’t keen. Even Jason supports Georgia that they should show the reserves. And hell freezes over. R and G step outside for a little rant. It ends with a coin flip and Sticks and Wombat win, getting third spot.
Jason then suggests they all show reserves.
R&G $2.62m
S&W $2.52m
H&C $2.52m
J&E $2.62m
J&S $2.62m
Interesting – I expected the two end houses to be significantly higher. I’m not surprised Georgia was shocked they had reserves on par.
AUCTION DAY
Cue montage of the contestants getting primped for the auction and R&G doing a spontaneous McCafe run. Oh god – how many times do we need to see Jason doing his stupid “make it rain” money mime. It is weird to see Josh with a man bun, while Elyse has grabbed her Nan’s kitchen curtains and turned it into a top. Wombat is the only one not in a suit. Josh is not wearing shoes … what the … Not even a pair of thongs? Isn’t that a safety hazard? Where’s Keith when you need him?
JASON AND ELYSE
Bidding starts on J&E’s house and they tell Scott there has been interest of up to $3m. Buyer’s agent Frank is there in a spiffy white and navy tartan jacket and he’s bidding. There is steady bidding and Frank seems keen. It passes the $3m mark in what seems a swift fashion, but who knows with the edit.
The other contestants are watching it all from what appears to be Ronnie and Georgia’s studio office, as a pink jumpsuited Shelley narrates.
It goes for $3.067 million to that other buyer’s agent who used to do walkthrough, Greville. $447,000 profit made.
JASON AND SARAH
More “make it rain” from Jason. Urgh. Sarah is on trend with her dark green blouse.
Scott reveals the buyer of Josh and Elyse’s house is non other than Melbourne local Hughesy (who was involved in the food-tasting challenge some weeks back).
Shelley is trying to remind us J&S are “Aussie battlers”. J&S’s auctioneer reminds everyone there is no pool or spa, which is a bonus. Buyer’s agent Nicole, another regular, is bidding against Frank on this one. I’m wondering if whoever misses out on this one will then not bother with Sticks and Wombat’s and just hang out for Ronnie and Georgia’s. Nicole gets it for $3.007m. So Josh and Elyse are still winning.
STICKS AND WOMBAT
Again, Frank and Nicole are bidding, plus some bloke at the back. They hit $130,000 profit quickly and that’s it.(Bear in mind S&W are not a couple, so it’s not as big a prize when split. Still, much better than previous years where the reserves weren’t even met.) Has Sticks had his teeth whitened or were they always that blinding? Sale price $2.65m to Nicole. I reckon Frank is waiting for R & G’s house. The boys bravely pretend to be delighted. The other contestants – and Shelley – are a bit teary.
RONNIE AND GEORGIA
Georgia starts in tears – she’s freaking out, What are you worried about, Georgia – you know you’re a sure thing for a future All Stars. Frank loves making the opening bid, doesn’t he? The skinny, dark-haired bloke who was bidding on Sticks and Wombat’s vote casts a bid. We stall fairly early without reaching reserve. Scott tells them to pass it in rather than scrabble for a few thousand dollars, but the agent wants to restart the auction. Scott overrules him and R&G agree. Everyone seems shocked it’s been passed it, especially Nicole and Shelley. Nicole starts arguing with the consumer affairs monitor about the way it abruptly ended but apparently it’s all above board. I’m sure it will sell for a decent price via negotiation. I do feel sorry them. Clint and Hannah must be packing death. The agent comes up to say Frank’s top negotiated offer would give them $105,000 profit. Nicole pops up to see R&G and presents a top offer of $161,000 profit. R&G are fairly pragmatic and take it. Does this mean Frank will buy Clint and Hannah’s house?
CLINT AND HANNAH
It’s a noticeably smaller crowd and again it’s Nicole and Frank. Boring – I wish more people would bid. We stall at $2.5m. Cue sad music. Argh – I can’t watch Clint’s sad eyes. But then it sparks up again and we get the rising crescendo, so you know it’s going to be ok. Frank has it at $2.615m, which is $95,000 profit. Hannah stoically declares she is happy.
And that’s where my recording cuts out. So, as expected, Josh and Elyse sell for top dollar and get the $100,000 winner’s prize. Bit of an anti-climax.
So, who will be watching The Gatwick season?
