I have high hopes for tonight after the letdown of the Miners.
Italian BFFs Sans Hat and Hat (Luciano and Martino – not sure which is which). One is a flight attendant, the other a former teacher who now works for a jewellery company – perhaps he and Jess can discuss the biz.
The weekend is officially here! #MKR pic.twitter.com/AqYUcuXBiF
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) February 12, 2016
Here it is, finally:
And here we are at Season 7, episode 8 – it feels like it’s been much longer.
The Italian BFFs are cooking and I want to see them do well, but I also want to get the high drama Channel 7 has been flogging over and done with.
Luciano the flight attendant and Martino who works in the jewllery industry – so cryptic; is he an international jewel thief? Martino is not wearing his usual hat today, making it harder for me to tell them apart. They have an easy bickering manner that comes with being friends for a decade. Oh, it’s ok – once they hit Coles Martino is back in character as the hat wearer.
Their menu is in Italian – as it should be – and translates roughly as follows:
Entree: Fettucine with sausage and porcini mushrooms (yum)
Main: Osso bucco (veal stew) with risotto (yummo)
Dessert: Ricotta cheesecake (that’s a yum hat-trick because I know they won’t ruin it by putting something stupid like white chocolate in it)
Their restaurant decor is meant to evoke Italy in the 60s and the lads get emotional thinking about their mamas.
In the kitchen, Sans Hat is surprisingly making pasta with Coles flour (or maybe it’s just for dusting) while Hat gets on to their dessert, which was apparently invented by Italians two centuries ago. It’s going well, so cue impromptu round of “It’s Amore” and Hat is beside himself with joy at the aromas – so much so his BFF has to ask: “Are you cooking or are you making love to that dish?”
The shortcrust pastry looks love and buttery but turns out it’s TOO buttery and breaks when he tries to line the tin. Having a problem this early is usually a sign of victory.
The guests rock up and I’m not a fan of the matchy matchy outfits of the miners.
Yet again Jess is strangely dressed – her scarf is more Pink Ladies from Grease than 1960s Italy.
And again the editors remind us of her unhealthy relationship with food. “Deep-fried food scares me. I’m not joking; it makes me feel nervous.”
The Italians look lovely in their snappy shirts and, presumably, cashmere sweaters – but poor things must be hot cooking dressed like that, with the TV lights on them. They are so friendly and welcoming – wish I had a gay Italian uncle.
One Italian decides they need to up the stakes and add a coffee semifreddo to their dessert. I’m pro coffee-flavoured anything, but they’ll be pushing to get it frozen in time. However, they are smart to portion the mixture into small bowls so it will freeze more quickly. These guys know what they are doing.
The judges arrive and they are men of the world, so get the traditional triple kiss greeting. None of Pete’s tan rubs off in the process; perhaps he’s just been eating a lot of carrots.
It’s time to read the menu and, of course, Jess is scare by human food: “I normally don’t eat pasta.” But one of the sisters is salivating: “I love carbs; I’m so excited!” That’s the attitude you want on a cooking show – it’s not called My Deprivation Rules.
Jess is especially worried both entree and main have carbs, and yet she seems to be drinking white wine again rather than water – surely that’s 120 empty calories right there? However, she says she’ll give the pasta a go and will offset it with a run in the morning.
The pasta is done and man it looks so good I wish there was an app where I could press a button and have it delivered to my door.
How yum does the entree look? We want some! #Italianos #MKR pic.twitter.com/WB6rrFOT0h
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) February 14, 2016
Cue the chew and the Italians and stressed as, but Pete forgets he is a robot and makes bedroom eyes at Manu.
Pete: “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for real Italian food on My Kitchen Rules?” (Sucked in, Nic and Rocco!) “Boys, you delivered … the first bite was heaven.” Manu agrees it’s the best pasta in the history of MKR, and the happy tears are flowing.
The guests are happy, too, and even Jess is damning in her praise of it being a worthwhile “cheat meal”, albeit the sausage is too salty for her taste.
It’s almost mains time and the girls are showing their Asian heritage by pronouncing it “ossko booss-ko”.
And now it’s time for the evening’s entertainment … Nev asks Jess what she would serve friends for dinner, given her eating habits. “I eat very healthy. I know that everyone else doesn’t eat very healthy and I’ll cater for everyone,” she replies in a manner that gets everyone’s back up. What does this mean? She prepares a salad and then adds a deep-fried chicken leg and some fries to it for visitors with more than 2 per cent body fat?
Awkward.
Nev’s parter is no annoyed she does a “talk to the hand” gesture.
Manu says it’s okay to enjoy flavour and he balances his diet: “I go on run as well.” And in return, gets this look:
It appears she’s looking at his waistline, although it’s possible it’s the editing. Burn!
After the ad break it’s back to the kitchen … What, there’s a kitchen on this show? It’s not just about drama?
Uh oh – they don’t have enough sauce jugs so have to use china spoons that don’t hold as much liquid. And now, the biggest shock of the night: The boys are wearing gloves to plate up. Is this allowed on MKR?
It looks tasty but will they get in trouble for trying to be fancy by separating all the ingredients?
Main is served! #Italianos #MKR pic.twitter.com/LqzRctuqFn
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) February 14, 2016
It’s chew time and the boys are worried about the scarcity of sauce. The meat falls apart and Manu happily sucks the marrow from the bone: “The flavours in this deesh are amazing.” But he reminds them to serve it in a traditional manner – one big bowl – so the meat can swim in sauce. Pete agrees the meat was a little dry without the saucy perfection. The risotto was perfect: “Fellas, just cook how you normally cook.”
It’s dessert time and the boys are second guessing their decision to add the semifreddo, because Nonna wouldn’t do it. But then they decided it IS Italian after all to have espresso after a meal, so it will work.
At the table, Jess is worried the dessert could have icing sugar on it (cut to the cheesecake being adorned with a snowstorm of icing sugar) and it gets the guests’ hackles up. We’re reminded again she doesn’t eat chocolate (cut to boys making choccy sauce).
Dessert time! #Italianos #MKR pic.twitter.com/85BbU0bDcS
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) February 14, 2016
The judges go the chew … The boys are worried the flavours clash but all is well.
Pete: “I think you finished as strong as you started.” Manu is impressed by their use of candied fruit and he’s never eaten this type of cheesecake before. Hooray for the Italians!
The guests are delighted except New Villain (Zana who?), who rudely removes the chocolate from her dish. She doesn’t even try it first, which is discourteous. And then she scrapes off the icing sugar. It’s a food autopsy.
Nellie (the Nice Girl) questions whether she will score them fairly, given her dislikes. But it’s ok; Jess hates all desserts equally.
Non-Man Bun Miner calls her on her attitude and she gets feisty, saying he’s not listening to her.
“I’m listening and I’m not liking any of it,” he replies. “And I really hope that your food tastes better than your attitude.”
Jess wants to stab him with a fork and the other guests secretly applaud Miner No. 1.
And then it’s all over because it happened while Pete and Manu were off camera and couldn’t stir the pot further.
Now for the scoring.
Jess and Whatisface 9; Nev and Mrs Nev 8: Miners 8; Nice couple 8; Sisters 8. T0tal: 41/50 To Jess’s credit she is scoring fairly and the others are being a bit strategic, because they know the judges will mark the boys highly. The Italians are pleased anyway.
Entree: Pete 10 (cue round of applause), Manu (more clapping); Main Pete 8, Manu 7 (ooh – harsh, Manu, given you loved everything but the scarcity of sauce); Dessert Pete 10, Manu 9 (due to wanting thinner pastry).
That’s it. Total: 95.
Tonight the sisters serve up a Balinese feast and it looks like the chilli factor could be troublesome.