More First Dates

By Daisy
Let’s get this burning question out of the way. What reality TV has Simone been on before? Maybe in Australia’s Top Model? Juz’s note: Yes, she came about third in an early ANTM and was on Celeb – maybe our first one?)
I have definitely seen her before. Last night she was matched with postie/ postal worker Peter. She was being all, “I’m out of your league, babe”. The accent was put on, or adopted. He looked normal. Knowing Peter is a postie, Simone keeps mentioning her post code. Simone is being a snooty cow. I’m thinking staged.

Belly dancer Aleesha was back, wriggling her hips, flashing her boobs, and batting her eye lashes for sexy, sixty Zane. She planned on being touchy feely. They both like dress-ups. Aleesha has an immediate orgasm. For gawd sake get Aleesha a hairdresser. She looks like a mangy sheepdog. He has his 50s rocker on. Channeling Frankie Holden. They bond over truffles and some public dancing. Aleesha is “thrown out of line” shocked that Zane is 61 to her 53. Don’t worry Aleesha. You look the same age. She shakes her boobs at him, and is all over him like moss on a damp rock. Zane is ticking boxes all over the place. But then bill time comes. The mood and music change as Aleesha has to rummage in her (unmatching) pink handbag to find $50 to pay her half of the bill. Zane and Aleesha agree to disagree on that one.

Ad break (ooooo Pooch Perfect with Rebel Wilson…I’m in for a peek). Then we have cheerleader Josh. Earrings, camp voice. Gay? Yes. He is matched with cart-wheeling, ripped jean wearing, surf lifesaver, Leigh. They talk cheer leading and atbletic moves, and laugh at each others’ jokes. They get on well and are both fairly normal and that = no airtime.

Back to Simone and Postman Pete. He has remembered her boobs and address but forgotten her name. Simone’s not willing to get down shots but she is good at getting things into her mouth without spoiling her lipstick. She goes to the toilet to talk on her mobile and sing “Fame, that bastard didn’t remember my name. When she returns to the table she orders the bill, then leaves Postie Pete to pay.

Next we have costume designer Emily who loves superheroes and sci-fi conventions (shout out to Windsong). She gets matched with Captain American Adam whohas brought his balloon blowing novelty toy. Emily comes dressed as Mortisha. Captain America comes dressed as Hyram Holiday (well that’s an archived memory). Adam gets the straw sucking, food crunching sound effects as he chows down like a pig at a buffet. The fart sounding balloon trick doesn’t impress Emily because she hates balloons, popping sounds and farts. Adam gets the bill right. Emily fails.

Then there is screeching Kiwi fitness instructor Moichell. She loves mullets and boys. She hasn’t had sex for 18 years. She has the familiar rtv grouper lips and overgrown eyelashes. She looks like a trash heap of bad cosmetic work. Too harsh? Well she moight be pretty under all that hot mess. Michelle gets a rather dishy young brickie named Tim, (who may be trying to crack into the tv business). Tim is polite and smiling. Michelle is like a drunk macaw. She is all over the shop.

I think Tim has been on another show too.

I haven’t disclosed the outcomes. That’s for guessing.