Married at First Sight episode 2

The ratings are in for the premiere and it’s not pretty. http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/reality-tv/married-at-first-sight-stumbles-at-the-altar-with-771000-viewers/news-story/33dff9d05dd6c7b231c7eeaa80a1de06
I’m guessing a lot of potential viewers don’t even realise it’s on again tonight, let alone at such an early time.
Thanks to love expert Daisy for another excellent recap:

Before I begin tonight’s recap, I will have to admit un unfair advantage over the matrimonial guinea pigs. I am writing from way over the marital hill, where one winds up in pjs, slippers and a candlwick dressing gown, having early dinner in front of Bold and the Beautiful. So if the stars in my eyes have faded, I prefer cake to sex, and I am a lot of a cynic, don’t let it mar your experience or your faith in love ever after. 💘💘💘💘
At the outset tonight, we get a morning-after peek into the sleeping arrangements of last night’s love birds. Already we see that Bryce has already become Man Friday, as he answers the door grinning sheepishly, while Erin throws a shoe at the camera crew for waking them up. Will Erin kiss and tell? My guess, she will. But no. She is being mysterious and cryptic, but might as well have said, “Wink, wink. Non, nod”. Bryce, the new butler, calls room service for special treatment honeymoon breakfast because Erin fears if they go down to the buffet breakfast she may have to make her own toast.

As for Christie and Mark; they chatted. Mark says Christie is easy going, so considering that she spent all night looking at him and dry wretching, and building a pillow fort to keep him out, I would say that makes Mark easy going. Mark may need to see the movie “She’s Not that Into You”. But good natured Mark, seems to be seeing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Now to tonight’s couples. The producers……..I mean the sexperts, have paired blue eyed boy tradie, footy player, Ryan Fitzy Fitzgerald- I mean Jono, 28, with bossy, dog dressing Clare. That is she dresses her dog, not dresses like a dog. The sexperts choose pretty blond 32 year old, recruitment consultant, Clare because they think Jono needs his nuts in a wrench, only they don’t phrase it like that.
Next up….oh here we go……rising out of the surf like a slow motion phoenix, it’s 26 year old Xavier. He’s a sales manager who gets judged by his looks (we all do Xavier, for better or worse), and to prove it, he raises his arm to flick back his wet hair and flex his pecs. We are all temporarily blinded by this Adonis rising from the sea. But wait. Adonis has a redeeming feature, he’s a neat freak. Gotta love a neat freak ( says the neat freak). Xavier has been perfectly matched with make-up artist Simone, 29. If opposites attract, these two are in trouble. They have everything in common, healthy eating, perfectionist, teetotalling, OCD, gym junkies. I would like to marry these two myself. Both have suffered the bitter agony of betrayal and both have the scars to prove it.

Before the wedding, loved ones have to be told. All are surprised, which is odd given that there is a production team in their lounge room and everyone has had hair and make up done for the cameras. Simone’s mum has a little cry. Simone tries on wedding dresses. The fallopian tube dress is out of stock. She chooses a simple gown that shows off her boobs through some chiffon. Simone has a cry. Is she still carrying a torch for the ex-fiancé?

Jono claims he is ready to settle down, but he still seems like someone who just wants nothing more than a beer and to give his mates a wedgie. Clare celebrates her last night as a single woman in her boxer shorts, singing into a toy tennis racquet with her girl friend. Next morning she has her fugly dog on her lap snorting and farting and wearing a cravat, while she has her hair done. Apparently the snorting, farting dog has prepared her for marriage.

All four candidates seem sincere. All show up to the ceremony nervous. The producers have out-done themselves. The weddings and receptions are beautiful. Xavier and Simone clap eyes on each other and immediately there are sparks. Both like what they see. If they knew at this point that both had immaculate wardrobes, they would be absolutely thrilled and rush through those vows like the Road Runner. Yep, good looks, tidy bedrooms and very ordered calendars.

Now it’s Jono and Clare’s turn. The producers tease us by pretending Jono is going to back out. They even drag out the suspense with an ad break. (Sucked in producers- I fast forward). Of course, just as we all suspected because we aren’t fooled by such rtv tricks, Jono and Clare tie the knot, although they did struggle to gaze into each others’ eyes. Jono wasn’t thrilled at getting a buxom blond when he had asked Santa for a lean brunette. Poor Clare thought she was marrying Luke Warm, 26°C.

At the post wedding photo session, Simone and Xavier are happy and relaxed, but neither were keen to lock lips. They obliged the photograhper, and mmmmm; “That wasn’t so bad”. Jono is coping with not getting a brunette for Christmas by taking the good mates approach. In fact both he and Clare start joking around like great mates. Jono thinks Clare is really funny and a “Cool chick”. Clare takes this as a good sign. I see it as a warning sign, and a fast track to the well worn excuse; “I like you as a friend” . 😢😢😢
At the reception, Simone’s sister Shannon has a cry and makes a speech, and Simone and Xavier start swapping notes, and discover they can’t marry because they are identical twins. But they have a pash anyway, without smudging Simone’s impeccible make-up. My guess; these two won’t do the deed tonight because they are classy and careful. But they are going to want to.
There’s big trouble for Clare at her wedding. Jono’s jaw is sore from laughing. Now I dated a lot of cute guys in my day, and I didn’t spend my time making them laugh. If Jono wanted comedy, he can watch Peep Show. Clare better start putting down the football and start batting her eye lashes if she doesn’t want to be added to Jono’s list of good mates.
Well that’s almost it for tonight. We see no seedy scenes of couples coupling in their hotel room. No suggestive closing of honeymoon suite doors. Instead we see, Xavier and Simone, on the rooftop of their hotel, enjoying the city lights. And then we are tantalized and tempted by the previews of things to come, as the couples have to face the ‘reality’ of a pretend marriage. And that’s all folk. Time for warm milk and biscuits. 😜