Survivor BBB – March 31 – The Merge

Well hello again, Dr Pete.
Well hello again, Dr Pete.
Woo hoo – it’s Thursday night and Survivor is on. AND it’s merge time. Let the good times roll.
Let’s see what the fallout from the Dr Pete vote will be. Is Joe going to get sniffy with Aubry for crossing out Julia’s name at tribal council? I don’t think so.
Last week's "oooh" moment.
Last week’s “oooh” moment.
It’s night 16, yellow tribe is back from tribal and Scot has his cranky pants on. He thinks Joe should have voted for Julia but Joe seems genuinely confused by all the whisperings that were going on. Why didn’t Scot just yell out at tribal: Hey, dudes, vote for Dr Evil. People have done it before and he knew it was unlikely Pete had an idol. Scot tells confessional: “I am absolutely going to be picking off the Brain tribe because of that – because of that indecision, because I can’t trust them.” He’s even narky at Aubry, who voted for the person he wanted her to vote for. Aubry is worried and for good reason – she should have talked a lot more with Beauties and Brawn before they got to tribal.
The next day Joe is worried … about Tai’s relationship to the chicken, which is like Father and Son. “He does everything with the damn bird.”
The new pecking order: Tai, chicken, Joe.
The new pecking order: Tai, chicken, Joe.
Over at blue tribe Cydney notices Neal walking round with a bulge in his pocket and susses out that it’s an idol, based on her experience seeing Jason find one.
Is that an idol in your pocket or are you just happy to be trying to catch fish with a saw, Neal?
Is that an idol in your pocket or are you just happy to be trying to catch fish with a saw, Neal?
Cydney whispers the news to Jason and they plan to flush the idol out at next tribal. But then a boat arrives and they learn they have five minutes to grab their gear and head off to the other beach for the merge. Debbie is thrilled: “I take the offence, pull people in, because people want to be pulled in. Everybody’s dangling.”
Debbie discusses her former career as a marionette.
Debbie discusses her former career as a marionette.

On yellow beach everyone’s just chilling when they hear hollering and see the boat with the blues heading over. Scot’s so happy he squeezes the life out of Julia and Aubry – maybe she’s forgiven.
5boat
6hug
Hugs all round and Aubry is especially relieved to see old tribemates Debbie and Neal. There are four Beauties, three Brawn and four Brains. Tai reckons Scot is his main ally, as he knows Tai has the idol. As they swig bottles of wine there is some awkward cat grring at the attractiveness of various tribemates (Debbie to Nick followed by a rather loud Jason to Tai).

Scot vows to protect Tai from Captain Tattoobeard
Scot vows to protect Tai from Captain Tattoobeard
After the feast Aubry fills Debbie in on the Peter vote, saying he went instance. Debbie does what she always does: Agrees with whoever is talking to her and reassures her. However, she seems to actually mean it this time.
Beauty Nick has been sitting back, watching the interactions and strikes up a convo with the Neal and Aubry about how tight Brawn are, and says he thinks the Beauties are divided, with Tai and Julia loyal to Scot.
Neal wants to get Brawn out because they are a physical threat and are bullies. Nick says he can pull Michelle in to join a Brains alliance. But Nick is keeping his options open – as he should – and Jason and Scot are happy to tell him Neal has an idol and to spill on their strategy. Wow, so many people trusting Nick all of a sudden.
A West Wing style walk and talk.
A West Wing style walk and talk.
And then Scot does something that seems like a big mistake.
Nooooo!
Nooooo!
He spills to Nick and Jason that Tai has an idol, and says not to tell Cydney. Scot, you should have saved that news for a rainy day. Jason is stoked to know they have the chance to make a super idol by joining the two idols – that’s the idol that can be used after the votes are read. Nick is stoked to learn the Brawns are so overconfident. But will he act on this info now or later?
If Scot gets voted out, who's going to carry massive logs around?
If Scot gets voted out, who’s going to carry massive logs around?
The next day Debbie gets to work, schmoozing with Tai. “I really like you. I want to get in an alliance,” she tells him in front of the other Brains. He says ok and shakes hands but is clearly taken aback. The aggressiveness of the move puts him offside.
Tai's not happy.
Tai’s not happy.
He’s smarter to stick with Scot as those guys won’t see him as a threat until he’s wormed his way to the last few days of the game. And then Debbie straight out asks Nick to be in her alliance, again in front of the other Brains. Aubry and Neal are not happy and Aubry mutters to her main ally: “She’s not being very finess-ey about the whole thing.” Aubry thinks they look desperate, which is a turnoff.
In the shelter, Jason presumes Beauty Julia’s on board with his anti-Brain alliance.
Jason's grand plan.
Jason’s grand plan.
He tells confessional: “Beauty always goes with the jock; it’s just the way of the world … we’re just shoving geeks in lockers right now.” Urgh.
He wants Aubry to go as it will be a surprise. And then, following last week’s sudden appearance in the edit of Beauty Michelle, we get Michelle talking strategy. She tells the camera Jason is too cocky – well, der!
Aubry decides to take control of the Brains’ destiny – finally! “Somebody’s going to have to get her head out of her butt and start talking to people,” she says, knowing she has to do damage control for Debbie’s lack of subtlety. She catches Nick alone and they agree that Debbie has gone cray-cray.
Can't blame Nick after that horrible sexy cat growl Debbie did at the feast.
Can’t blame Nick after that horrible sexy cat growl Debbie did at the feast.
Having a person in your alliance who irritates others can be an asset (look at Boston Rob and Phillip Sheppard), but not when you need numbers to survive the merge.
Aubry meets up with old pal Neal for a debrief and to discuss how screwed they are without two Beauties on board. I like how tight these two are – as evidenced by her asking “Do you have the idol?” and him replying immediately with: 16aubryaskidol
Come on in guys … it’s Day 19 and immunity challenge time and Jeff has his orange cap on. But before he outlines the challenge, he gets the contestants to talk about their injuries. Neal apparently has some infected scrapes, including a bad one on his knee. No surprise with the humidity in Cambodia and how physically tough the challenges have been. 17orangejeff
Jeff's worried about their health, so he makes them stand in the sun to chat while he has a hat on.
Jeff’s worried about their health, so he makes them stand in the sun to chat while he has a hat on.
Scot and Aubry have infections, too.
Ick, Aubry - but at least there's no worm in it ... yet.
Ick, Aubry – but at least there’s no worm in it … yet.
Tai joins the "mine's bigger than yours game", but his does not look as puss-filled.
Tai joins the “mine’s bigger than yours game”, but his does not look as puss-filled.
These guys need some antibiotics, stat.
Jeff explains the challenge and – hooray – it’s the good ol’ balance balls on a platter trick. This would be a Joey Amazing and Keith Nale specialty in previous seasons (apparently it was introduced in 2011).
It's on like Donkey Kong.
It’s on like Donkey Kong.
Before Jeff’s done saying balls as much as humanly possible, retired FBI agent Joe wobbles off his perch and Debbie’s out soon after. Then Jason goes after nearly five minutes and he chucks a tantie, slamming his platter into the ground. Sucked in, Jason. The balls are upped to two and we lose Michelle, Neal and Scot.
Love the girls' statue poses.
Love the girls’ statue poses.
Seconds later Cydney and Aubry are goners and left to do battle are Beauties Tai, Nick and Julia. Jeff is trying to break his record for saying balls in a challenge (yes, he’s a ball breaker): “Tai’s balls are banging in to each other.”
Who'd have thought Julia would do so well?
Who’d have thought Julia would do so well?
The Beauties last seven minutes with two balls, so they add another one to the platter. Julia drops, then Tai, so Nick wins first individual immunity.
OMG - Probst touched me.
OMG – Probst touched me.
Back at camp, in a confessional Neal, he of the gross knee, says it’s the Brains versus the Bullies tonight and if need be he may give his idol to Aubry. Nick is happy with where he’s sitting in the game. “I’m like the pretty girl at the dance: you’re either going home with the quarterbackback or you’re going home with the valedictorian. It’s fun being the pretty girl.” He touches base with Brawns and they are voting Aubry, hoping they can flush Neal’s idol out.
But Nick’s still keeping his options open, talking to the Brain guys, while the Brain girls butter up Michelle.
We're totally just swimming - not talking strategy at all.
We’re totally just swimming – not talking strategy at all.
Michelle is interested but is not sure if, strategically, it’s the right move. She and Nick have a quiet word and she says, correctly, she thinks people wouldn’t give former NBA basketballer Scot and bounty hunter Jason the $1 million because the former is rich and the latter is a tool. They agree Brawn is the smarter choice to cosy up to and that Aubry should go.
In confessional, Nick says he wants to stick with Brawn because he can manipulate them and thrash them in puzzle challenges. Likely true but saying these things on camera is just asking to get your comeuppance, Nick. “They’re just idiots,” he says. He genuinely likes Aubry but she has to go. Nooo – not Aubry!

But suddenly a little orange-capped speck appears on the horizon, which can only mean bad news.
36jeffboat
The last time Jeff set foot on a tribe’s beach in Survivor it was to tell poor Second Chances player Terry Deitz his young son was gravely ill. This time he’s brought Dr Rupert (do you think they hired him based on his name?) to check out their scrapes. Perhaps their insurance premium increased after the Caleb incident. The Doc is happy Tai’s scrapes are healing. Scot has some angry looking pustules on his thigh, which the doc will keep an eye on. Aubry’s infection looks even worse than at the challenge and Jeff has to look away.

OMG - I can't look.
OMG – I can’t look.
Dr Rupert says his options are antiobiotics or – gulp – …
They are totally going to do this.
They are totally going to do this.
And he goes on to explain: “Lance it, incise it, cut it open, drain it, clean all the muck out.” If he does this the pus will come out but the wound could become infected. He decides antibiotics are the way to go. Aww, Survivor – I really thought we were going to see Aubry’s puss being squeezed out. Guru Debbie, sporting the same braids we saw Cydney giving Michelle earlier, looks pleased she hasn’t lost an alliance member.
Cydney's smart, an athlete AND she does hair.
Cydney’s smart, an athlete AND she does hair.
Neal’s up next and he has a giant, infected hole in his knee. (Survivor history fact: The hilariously sarcastic Jonathan Penner was made to leave Survivor: Micronesia in 2008 due to a life-threatening knee infection.) And another one on his back that looks even worse.
Sorry if you are eating, folks.
Sorry if you are eating, folks.
Neal is worried medical will try and pull him from the game. “I feel good,” he tells Jeff. “I had eight hours’ sleep.” The doc’s not worried about his back, but the infection near the knee joint is a real worry as it can destroy a knee within mere hours. The doc tells Neal: “I want you to be able to run around and do this when you’re Joe’s age.” Poor Neal tears up: “I love this game, Jeff.” But it’s over.
Bye, Neal - hope you and your ice cream pants get to play again one day.
Bye, Neal – hope you and your ice cream pants get to play again one day.
Neal says he’s been a fan of the show since it started 15 years ago and he worked hard to be a real competitor: “It’s been a great 19 days.” At least he gets to come back as a jury member once he’s been to a hospital for treatment. Will he have time to slip Aubry the idol? Not with that crowd of people hanging around. Perhaps he should have just pulled it out and given it to her in front of everyone.
Tears for Neal, a lost idol and what might have been.
Tears for Neal, a lost idol and what might have been.

Jeff tells them there will be no tribal tonight and Aubry has, unbeknownst to her, been saved for one more day.
She’s spewing at the turn of events but eloquently philosophical in confessional: “Survivor is a path you have to pave yourself. It’s like going on the Oregon trail. You have to ford every river, you have to caulk every wagon, you have to go up the hills and down the hills and sometimes you get dysentery and die. You have to pave your own way.”

In the preview for next week the Brains are on the outs, but then we see Cydney having words with Jason. Go, Cydney! “Irritated Cydney will blow the whole game up,” she vows, and you know she’s serious because she’s using the third person. Please do, Cydney.



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Married at First Sight timeslot

Channel 9 is so sick of being slapped in the face with the dead fish that is Reno Rumble that it’s parachuting a proven performer into the timeslot.
Married at First Sight season two starts Monday at 7:30pm. They’ll
Have to edit out some of the language so it will be a tame affair.
Surprised they haven’t done their usual trick of programming more Big Bang Theory.
Oh, hang on – that’s exactly what they’ve done on the Wednesday night.
Reno Rumble has been pushed back to 8:30pm. Perhaps advertising commitments prevent Nine from shunting it to Go or Gem.



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MKR – Wed barbecue challenge

It’s the barbecue challenge and we know scandal is brewing for the Chopses. What do we think their shortcut ingredient is? More bottled garlic? Spice mix? Did they forget to slaughter their own cow?

And we’re at the Luddenham Rodeo for a barbecue challenge. It’s in Sydney and on a different netweork, so sadly no sign of Farmer Lance lassooing fillies.
They have to cook for the public with a marinade theme, Zana is scared of dirt (so they’ve dressed her in white), Lauren thinks Zana should get over it, yadda yadda yadda …
Pete’s big reveal: Only four of the eight teams will be safe.
And now Man Bun is out of the comp, the most interesting hairdo award goes to Mitch, aka Curly Bro.

Let's hope he's not a tax evader, also.
Let’s hope he’s not a tax evader, also.

Zana and Plus One are doing Eye Fillet Kebabs with rosemary potatoes and spicy ajvar (Plus One pronounces it ay-var). It’s a capsicum relish.
Lauren and Carmine are making Jamaican jerk chicken with rice and pineapple relish and she’s holding back on the chilli. How can you do jerk chicken without heat?
Anna and Jordan are doing homemade Sicilian sausage with focaccia and tomato relish. So a snag sanger with soz. Again they are showing their technical ability, making their own snags.
Laura and Mitch are going out on a limb with bush spice kangaroo with tortillas. Curly Sis is using a tonne of native spices – looks like someone’s been reading a lot of Jock Zonfrillo recipes. Kangaroo can be tricky to cook.
Straight off their sudden death win, Rosie and Paige plan to crank out pomegranate-glazed lamb cutlets with harissa pumpkin. Lamb is always popular with a crowd but they usually don’t do well in these off-site challenges, just like Zana.
The Dads are cooking BBQ scotch fillet with smoky potato salad. Yum – sounds delish but I hope their potatoes cook through on the barbie.
Dad and Tarq are doing Argentinian spatchcock, loaded sweet potato and chimichurri (which is a fabulous sauce of fresh herbs). Wonder how the rodeo crowd will react to spatchcock?
The Chopses are another team using chicken but they are using the whole bird. It’s bourbon chicken, slaw and jalapeno poppers. And Mr Chops whips out the bottle of lemon squeeze for the marinade, so that’s what all the fuss will be about. Seriously, guys – buy a bag of lemons, chop ’em in half and squeeze ’em. You’ve already been busted once. Fass comes over to berate them and Chopses’ defence is he needed a litre of juice for his 21 chooks. Yeah, if you were at your house, Chops, but not on tellie.
Squeezy scandal.
Squeezy scandal.

Eve is saying anything to get rid of Fass and afterwards whispers to Jason: “Why didn’t you hide it.”
Jordan is making sausages to the tune of Kid Rock’s Cowboy when Fass comes over to stir up trouble, questioning whether Anna’s focaccia will rise in time and whether they are meeting the brief of a marinade. At the next table over, Paige can’t believe Jordan is taking on Fass, but it looks the cheeky chap has got away with it. A media career beckons.
Watching Zana trying to fry potatoes on the barbie is hilarious. There’s much oww-ing and oh-ing.
Barbecueing in a tank top is not a good move.
Barbecueing in a tank top is not a good move.

“I need to go and have the longest bath ever known to human beings. Put some bleach on me and detergent,” she jokes. Surely Montenegran people barbecue? They’re big meat lovers.
We cut to Lauren doing the world’s worst Southern accent in a bit to build up this supposed Zana V Lauren feud, which I’m sure Zana knows nothing about.
Both the Dads and Tarq are doing chimichurri sauce – I was going to pick Tarq as the winner until he added honey to his.
Carmine and Chops are both having trouble with uncooked chicken, while Rosie and Paige are confident in their flavours and aren’t freaking out for once. It looks like the Chopses are in the most trouble when service starts.

Time for the judges to chew …


Pete looks excited to be tucking into this one. Both judges think it’s a winner.


The judges think it’s a bit bland and not all the spuds are cooked. Fass: “You don’t give an Irishman raw potatoes.”


They like the look of this chimi but say it’s oddly sweet (yes – called it!). “It’s not a great dish,” says Pete.


“The whole dish is screaming mediocre,” says Pete. There’s no spice and the rice isn’t properly cooked.


The judges appreciate all the work that went into this.


Pete likes the spicy relish and tender beef. “It’s not the worst,” says Fass.


Chopses finally get some food out but say the chicken has no marinade flavour. The slaw is limp; the poppers are the best bit.


All we hear from the judges is Fass’s “good, hey?”, so they’ve probably won.
To the strains of Black Keys’ Lonely Boy we get the last rush of food pushing, and Chopses still have dishes sitting on their table.

The judges’ verdict
Pete gives Anna and Jordan mad props again for their teamwork, a combination of her experience and his youthful twists. Curly Sis is chuffed to hear Fass say: “It takes balls to do that.” And that is why we love him on MKR. His pairing with Pete seems a more comfy one than the Pete-Manu screen presence. The Dads won the chimi-off. The lamb was Fass’s dish of the day and Pete says it was exceptional. Good to see the girls happy again.

I’m thinking the breakdown will be:
Top
Curlies
Anna and Jordan
Paige and Rosie
Zana and Gianni

Bottom
Chopses
Dads
Tarq and Dad
Lauren and Carmine

MORE TO COME



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MKR – Tues, Mar 29 – Miners V Besties

It’s Sudden Death time for Rosie and Paige V Man Bun and Non Man Bun. Go South Straya!

Last time through the doors of Kitchen HQ for ...??
Last time through the doors of Kitchen HQ for …??

paigerosstart

You’d think Besties have this in the bag but Rosie is right – they’ve never felt the pressure of Sudden Death before. No mention of Paige’s injury as yet.
Manu’s back. Dammit. Thought he might have gotten lost on one of his “My France” jaunts and we could have lured The Khoo back.

The Menus
Miners
(who are going with a chilli theme)
Entree: Five spice prawns with papaya salad and coriander dressing (just don’t put honey in the dressing like last night, lads)
Main: Snapper with green chilli coconut broth
Dessert: Doughnuts with chilli chocolate ice cream and rhubarb
All sounds delish if they can cook the seafood properly and balance their flavours.

Besties (Middle Eastern comfort food)
Entree: Cauliflower fritters with yoghurt soz and tabouli
Main: Roast quail with peas, mint and speck
Dessert: Flourless Persian cake with rosewater jelly
Yum, although I’m not mad on rosewater. Prepping quail is going to be tricky for someone with a thumb injury.

Strangely Rosie is not following the strategy of the teams in the last sudden death round of using packet stock and gallons of red wine to make her “juss”. Perhaps that’s why Manu was absent for the movies challenge – too much bad jus-jus.
Jordan yells out to a deboning Paige: “For every quail you do I’ll give you 10 kisses.” She shoots back: “Jordan, I just got slower; it’s weird.” Yep, they need to stay and HOLY MOLEY WHAT IS MANU WEARING?
I only had half an eye on the screen until now and missed the gloriousness of this:

Not even Matt Preston dons purple velvet.
Not even Matt Preston dons purple velvet.

Looks like our main sideline commentators tonight are Carmine (Has Lauren lost her voice? JP and Nelly did mention she had been sick), Zana and Jordan.
Miners and Lovebirds - this is how you make a stock.
Miners and Lovebirds – this is how you make a stock.

Rosie is going like the clappers doing a million jobs while Paige is stuck on Quailgate, and the deboning is sending Paige a bit loopy. Rosie has to tell her to stop mucking around and you can see the stress starting to creep in. Keep it together, girls. These quail better be worth it. Imagine if they spend all this time on them and then overcook the meat.
With about half an hour to go Paige ditches the quail and gives Rosie a hand so they can at least get an entree out.
Over on the Miners’ side Alex is using a mandolin without the safety thingy and I can’t watch because that’s how I ended up in hospital years ago while making a potato bake (there’s a happy ending to the story – none of the blood got on the potato bake).
Luckily Gareth realises he forgot to put garlic in the curry paste. If I was Alex I’d be tasting everything Gareth was in charge of.
Gareth starts cooking their tempura prawns and – god love him – says he is “chooffed” with himself.
Plating up is done in the usual rush and both dishes look tasty.


Entree judging: The judges love the prawns and the dish as a whole, but wish they’d bammed up the chilli.
And they love the girls’ dish. Fass: “Cauliflower is the new rock star vegetable of the world at the moment.” Pete says it’s slightly better than the prawns.

Mains round
Paige gets back on to those damn quail while Rosie starts the cake. The boys were smart to choose something that could just simmer away.

Will it be worth it?
Will it be worth it?

Alex is doing a steam test of a snapper fillet (smart) while Gareth very slowly makes choux for their dessert, much to the frustration of the onlookers, who seem to regard him as an adorable doofus.
The girls are quite late getting their potato in the oven and they are freaking out over getting a main up. As Rosie says: “Ultimately, this could really change my family’s life.” Good to see them using frozen peas at least rather than wasting time shelling freshies but uh oh – Page forgot the quail. Use your timers! Have a Fuze tea and calm down.
The boys cut their fish to shorten the cooking time but they haven’t really tested the new size, plus they are adding even more chilli.
As they plate up Manu yells out: “Be generous with the soz – I love it!”
I know it’s edited to make each course look like it came down to the wire, but it genuinely looked as though the Besties just scraped in there.


Time for judging
I was going to pick the boys’ curry as my choice to taste – until they chucked chilli flakes over everything. Let’s see what the judges say.
Fass says the quail leg is great but the breast is a bit over. Pete loves the peas and Karen loves the jus. They give props for the quail deboning. “I was sold when I tried the jus,” says Manu.
On to the snapper. Guy: “I feel like I’ve just been punched in the face with this dish … in a really good way.” Liz says the fish has been respected. The other teams seem to prefer the snapper.

Dessert time
Gareth gets out the choux he made before and it’s gone crusty. Did he not cling wrap it? Ditch it, Man Bun! You can make a new choux. Choux life!
Rosie’s rosewater jelly does look pretty. Hope it doesn’t taste soapy.

I don't think you're ready for this jelly ... my cake is just delicious.
I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly … my cake is just delicious.

Paige is making pistachio praline, so of course chucks a nut at Jordan on the sidelines. (Windsong is going to be sooo happy with all the Jordan screentime tonight. I reckon he looked better with shorter hair, though.)
Insert whatever filthy comment pops into your head.
Insert whatever filthy comment pops into your head.

Rosie manages to make mascarpone butter and Gareth is overcrowding the teeny fryer with his dough balls. At least they’ve done a rhubarb sauce to go with them, and rhubarb is always a winner in my books.
And then Curly Laura notices something is awry.
What's wrong with this picture?
What’s wrong with this picture?

The sidelines teams must not be allowed to yell out warnings, although surely that would add to the drama. So the Miners chomp through their “tester”, not realising it’s a balls up. No worries – just give that one to Pete. But, crisis averted, the boys notice and Alex scrapes out enough from the saucepan to make another ball.
The girls’ plating isn’t amazing and they decide to ditch the Persian fairy floss, which I think gave a nice height to the plate.
On or off?
On or off?

The boys’ dessert is the most visually appealing.


Dessert judging
Colin: “It’s a little bit doughy.” Karen likes the playfulness of it and the flavour combo. They love the ice cream, but the doughnuts were inconsistently cooked.
Guy loves the girls’ cake. Liz is impressed with their restrained use of rosewater in the jelly. Pete thought the cake looked boring but he loved the taste.

The scoring
Miners:
The snapper is Fass’s dish of the day. They get props for everything except the doughiness of their doughnuts and going too easy on the spice in the entree. Manu loooved that ice cream: “Pack it – sell it into shops.”
Who’d have thought after their last few shockers they’d do so well. Well done, boys.
Guy 9, Fass 7, Liz 8, Karen 8, Pete 8, Manu 9. Total: 49/60

Besties:
The girls are stoked to hear Manu say their jus was beautiful. It’s all positive, apart from Fass mentioning the overcooked quail breast.
Guy 9, Fass 8, Liz 9, Karen 8, Pete 9, Manu 9. Total: 52/60

SA Besties win and Pete utters what could be the kiss of death for them: “If I was the other teams I’d be looking at you as a real threat.”

Say what, Pete?
Say what, Pete?

Bye-bye, Miners! You can go back to wearing collarless shirts that fit your chests and biceps properly.
bye

Tomorrow night’s challenge is a barbecue one and it will be fun watching Zana try not to scream if a cow goes near her. Or a bird. Or a clod of dirt. And we are teased up for a big shortcut scandal involving the Chopses. Looks like they might have used a bottle of something in their marinade. We hear Fass berate them and Mrs Chops whispering to hubby: “Why didn’t you hide it?” Oh dear – just when they had redeemed themselves after RSL Jar-gate.

Colin "Jar Police" Fassnidge is on the case.
Colin “Jar Police” Fassnidge is on the case.

ENDS



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Reno Rumble room reveals

Surprisingly, Reno Rumble is on tonight. I was thinking of recording it and fastforwarding through to see the room reveals, but this video pretty much covers it.
I quite like the bathroom with the exposed brick.



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MKR returns Easter Monday

It’s movie challenge night and the teams have to create a dinner box for 300 families, consisting of a star dish and some sides. So I’m expecting ads for KFC in the breaks, offering a similar product.
Tasia and Gracia look scared when they hear 300, but it’s not like they have to cook 300 actual portions of their food.
Paige is back after her hand surgery and I can’t see a bandage.
paigehand
And in the next scene she’s driving the car to Coles, so that fish fin injury can’t have been too serious, even if they did have a break between filming (although later she does mention she’s having trouble carrying things).
Lauren and Carmine get to sit this one out because they won with the fisherfolks’ hearts with their straightforward salmon dish at the seafood challenge.
Are we missing JP and Snow White? Not on your Nelly. We spend a good minute promoting whatever car brand that is and the show is now called My Car With a Reversing Camera Rules.
Sisters are cooking Korean fried chicken with miso corn and cabbage salad. Yum – winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Jordan and Anna are doing Mama’s homemade pies with mash and peas. Anna is making not one but two pastries. Shortcrust is a quickie but puff is tough – these guys sure do like to challenge themselves. They are a world away from some of the others in the comp.
Mr and Mrs Chops and Zana and Plus One are first ones back to the warehouse, so they’ll have the longest cooking time. Chopses are cooking lamb rogan josh with pilaf rice and chapati.
Zana and Gianni are also doing lamb – always a crowd fave: Lamb souvlaki with lemon potatoes and Greek salad. We know from the ads they struggle with time management, yet they have chosen a dish that has a long cooking time.
Curlies are making katsu chicken bento box with pork dumplings. They’ll be battling the Sisters for title of tastiest fried chicken, but I’m not sure if another meat element is a good idea.
There’s more lamb on the menu, with the Dads doing lamb kofta with quinoa and pomegranate salad and haloumi (aka tastiest fried cheese in the world). It should be quick for them to make and sounds like something the grownups will love – just don’t think the kids will go for it. They could just eat the meat, since it’s on a stick.
Finally the boys arrive and get on to their cola ribs with onion rings and slaw. I hope they have enough time for their ribs to cook properly. It has a similar vibe to the tortilla they did well with at the Rio challenge, so they may live to fight another day.
Tarq and Dad are making chilli con carne with blackened corn and iceberg wedge salad.
Rosie and Paige are making pulled pork burgers with chicken bites and chips. Again, not sure about the two proteins in one dish.

The judges are watching the action and Fass is particularly excited by the thought of Anna and Jordan’s pies.

"I loike poies."
“I loike poies.”

Any Ben and Holly fans out there (if you have young kids you’ll know what I mean). He reminded me of the gnome.
https://youtu.be/99bxsMNviZQ?t=7m34s

Pete is excited by the Sister’s Korean Fried Chicken. They are wisely slashing their drumsticks to help them cook evenly, so there should be no raw chicken disaster tonight. The girls are doing their bickering thing. “Concentrate on your mayo; don’t screw it up,” says Tasia. Or is it Gracia?
Zana is having potato dramas; they’ve stuck to the tray and seem to be swimming in liquid. They do not do well at these away from the kitchen challenges.

"Not happy, Jan."
“Not happy, Jan.”

Fass pops over to spook the Miners and implies to Paige her planned method of cooking chips is rubbish, so you know there is trouble ahead.

The families start to arrive and it looks like it’s going to be a fun night for them. They’ve brought eskies with them, so hopefully there’s some backup food in there for if they get a dud dish.
Service starts and the Sisters’ dish looks delish. Anna and Jordan’s pies aren’t ready and Zana is, as always, not ready to serve. “I feel like I’m cursed with the outdoor kitchens,” she tells Confessional.

Time for the judges to taste …

They love this one, which comes with toasted cheese soldiers for dipping.


This gets the thumbs up and Fass notes a lot of work has gone into it. Good on you, Chopses – you started off shakily but are reaching new heights every challenge.


The Dads get the thumbs down for their bland koftas but the salad is tasty.
Tasia and Gracia are having trouble keeping up with the demand for their chicken, so the Miners kindly let them use their deep fryers. Aw, good on you, boys. You’re still learning to cook but someone sure raised you well.


Pete and Fass tear into the Sisters’ chook and they are loving it. I want a bucket delivered to my house. Fass: “I’m not going to talk; I’m just going to eat.”


Mitch and Laura (aka Curlies) rice is overcooked – which they know – but as a whole the dish is “flavour plus”. They’ still looking solid to make final four.
Oops – there’s no pic of Paige and Rosie’s pork sliders and nuggets, but you’re not missing much. As expected, the chips are no good (soggy) and Pete says the nuggets are all batter. The pulled pork burger is dry. Oh dear – no doubt the girls have had a few sleepless nights since Paige injured herself, and this is the result. They are definitely in danger.


The lamb is a bit dry and underseasoned (the second most often uttered phrase on MKR, after “where’s the soz?”) and the Greek salad doesn’t seem to be dressed. The pita bread is good, at least. These guys need to work on their time management.


The Miners cop a caning for the sweetness of their ribs and their weird honey dressing. “That is a shocker of a dressing,” says Fass.

Pete's not happy, Jan, either.
Pete’s not happy, Jan, either.


We see the judges taste the pies and then just get Pete saying: “I’ve got three teams jockeying for bottom place and we need to pick two.”
Editors, is this meant to make us think the pies are bad? Because it’s obvious they are fabulous. Pete’s bottom three would have to be Paige and Rosie, Zana and the Miners. I think the Dads will be safe because they had other tasty elements.

It’s back to Kitchen HQ for the judging lowdown. We already know most of it. Curlies are stoked to hear Pete describe their tonkatsu sauce as “a revelation”. Zana’s dish was mediocre, and she knows it.
worriedzana
And now to the pie praise: “Mama did well. She knocked it out of the park,” says Fass. They did amazingly well to make the two pastries, chicken and leek filling, peas and cabbage, mash and their own tomato sauce. They have yet to put a foot wrong.

And People’s Choice goes to … no surprise: Tasia and Gracia. They are stunned.
And off to Sudden Death are … Rosie and Paige and Alex and Gareth. Not a surprise – Zana is lucky she makes awesome bread.
Poor Miners, but they absolutely deserved it.

So, sudden death tomorrow and the Wednesday synopsis is: A quintessential family favourite, the Australian Rodeo is the backdrop for today’s challenge. Teams must focus on creating an unforgettable marinade that’s full of flavour for their BBQ based dish.
Sounds an awful lot like a barbie challenge they did for MasterChef last year.



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Survivor BBB recap – Mar 24

kaoh rong start

It’s episode 6 already – boy, that went quickly. Back at camp after the ousting of Anna (the poker player with built-in flotation devices that would have made diving challenges tricky), Tai thanks his tribemates for keeping him and is relieved he didn’t show his idol.
1taichicken

He jokes that he should at least outlast the chicken. (Hmm, who do we think would be on chook-killing duty in this tribe? Joe?)

Dr Evil decides now is the time to change his status as bottom-rung Brain and chats to Tai about alliance. That’s Tai, who we know from last episode can’t stand Dr Evil – and Tai loves all living creatures.

Everyone wants a piece of Tai.
Everyone wants a piece of Tai.

Doc tells Tai he wants Joe gone, which is odd because Aubry is far more strategic and has a strong bond with Neal on the other team.

Over at blue team beach, we finally start to get some confessionals from Nick (always a dangerous sign). He is focused on getting in tight with his new tribe and reckons he has Debbie sussed out: she wants someone to listen to her and work hard. “Whatever person Debbie admires – which is herself – just be her,” he tells the confessional. (Please tell me Debbie isn’t falling for this and is playing him just as hard.) Debbie thinks Nick looks like a Greek god and has great features for modelling, and she should know – she’s been a model for years. Here the editors cackle with glee and up flashes another of the ever-changing Debbie occupation chyrons.

Lately she's been a chemist, waitress, civil air patrol capt and electronic expert.
Lately she’s been a chemist, waitress, civil air patrol capt and electronic expert – the editors are loving this.

She hopes he gets a modelling contract out of the show “but it’s going to have no effect on my strategy”. Phew.

Nick entertains the idea that she’s just stroking his ego but then, because he has a Dr Evil-sized ego, dismisses the notion.

They learn the reward challenge involves throwing balls through hoops, which Yellow team’s Scot, ex-professional basketballer, should smash. But Nick shot some hoops in school and is tall, so he’s the one who gets to practise back at camp with coconuts and what appear to be juggling beanbags. I’m surprised Debbie did not add basketballer to her list of careers.

5practice

So, come on in, guys, says Jeff, as always. I’m going to have to  rewatch Borneo and see if he used that phrase 31 seasons ago. The challenge has a loooong course.

6challengevie

Exile over, Julia appears, and black-and-green-capped Jeff ushers her to the yellow team. Everyone’s hungry and wants to win this:

Wonder if there's an idol clue baked into the bread?
Wonder if there’s an idol clue baked into the bread?

Aubry – who looks like a total nerd – is a challenge beast for the yellows and gives them a good lead, releasing the buoys way before Michelle – who looks like a pilates instructor or something. I know nothing about Beauty Michelle because we’ve barely seen her.

It get to the basketball stage and Scot takes a while to get the hang of out, allowing Nick to catch up and at one point to overtake him. Scot is worried.

Oh no - this is going to be like the time Wiglesworth the whitewater raft guide lost the rowing challenge to Gervais.
Oh no – this is going to be like the time Wiglesworth the whitewater raft guide lost the rowing challenge to Gervais.

But he gets it together and wins. Over at blue, Michelle knows she’s in trouble for not releasing the buoys sooner, but she really wasn’t that bad.

(That's Michelle talking while Neal and Jason have Who Has the Palest, Most Cochran-like Skin? contest)
(That’s Michelle talking while Neal and Jason have Who Has the Palest, Most Cochran-like Skin? contest)

Julia is stoked to be out of exile and on a team which has food, but not so stoked to see her alliance member Anna was voted off. Dr Evil is thrilled, though, to have someone young and seemingly naive to work with. He takes her for a dip and bitch session for more “I hate Joe” talk.

I just hope Dr Evil's not aqua dumping right now.
I just hope Dr Evil’s not aqua dumping right now.

And then he reveals he actually has some smarts: “Aubry is more important to get out because she’s the bigger player.” Julia plays the Sandra Diaz-Twine strategy of “as long as it’s not me”, which is really her only option at this point.

Watching from the sidelines, Joe and Aubry (who is wearing Joe’s jumper – nice one, Joe) can’t believe how obvious Dr Evil is being. Aubry in confessional: “Peter’s a little rogue and desperate right now. Which makes me feel like I need to seriously consider whether now is the time for Peter to go.”

Over at blue, Michelle is bummed they lost the challenge, knowing she will be held accountable. But she gets to work trying to build new alliances and goes to see the Oracle.

Teach me what to do, O Wise One.
Teach me what to do, O Wise One.

Debbie says it’s ok; she wants Jason gone because he does *&@! all around camp, and she wants a woman to win. Good one, Debbie. Michelle recounts the convo to Nick, who tells her bluntly Debbie is lying because she just wants her to be calm. “You are definitely the target,” he says.

(That's Nick talking about not voting for Jason. And you know it's true because we've seen very little of him this ep and lots of Nick and Michelle)
(That’s Nick talking about not voting for Jason. And you know it’s true because we’ve seen very little of him this ep and lots of Nick and Michelle)

All of which is true but the way he says it is all wrong, and gets her hackles up. But she’s smart enough to let it slide. We get a lot more of Nick saying how much better at this game he is than Michelle – total shades of Dr Evil and Liz’s boasting just before the Liz blindside.

Speaking of His Evilness, he’s over at the other beach telling Scot he wants Aubry gone, then Joe. And Joe is not happy to see yet another tete-a-tete with a non-Brain.

Joe seethes while Aubry talks.
Joe seethes while Aubry talks about Dr Evil.

Joe decides he’s going to confront Dr Evil, using his lie detecting FBI skills.

Who - me?
Who – me?

And Pete, looking guilty as hell, fails to shoot back with: “It’s a game, I’m making sure the other three don’t team up against us by pretending to want an alliance. Brains forever!”

It’s immunity challenge time and Jeff is in his orange cap. It’s one of the more straightforward land-based challenges, but I’m still hanging out for the merge and some endurance-based or balance challenges. And the merge can’t be far away, as we’re down to 12 players and they usually do it at around 11, and we’ve already lost Caleb. The challenge starts and Giant Scot helps Tiny Tai and his teammates over the rolling barrel.

19tinttai

The next part is even more challenging, with the most athletic guys having to leap for a handhold on this structure and pull themselves up, while their teammates give each other boosts so they can be hauled up. Luckily Debbie only ways about 45kg by now as she’s just skin, bones and hair.

20nickpull

Of course, Scot is the booster for his team and Jeff delights in yelling: “This is like a dad with his kids.” The blues are leading and it’s interesting to see the next bit has Nick and the strong but short Jason poking blocks with poles – a task surely more suited to taller members of the team.

Jason does his block.
Jason does his block.

Now, Neal is taller than Jason and yet he’s not on block duty. Is this a case of Jason’s ego winning out, or Neal being smart and “non-threatening”. For yellow, Peter is proving an asset – he knows he’d be in danger at tribal if they lose.

At the block-stacking station, the lead goes back and forth and it’s proving a tricky challenge.

Timberrrrrrrrrrr!
Timberrrrrrrrrrr!

25bluetimber

Poor Joe cops a couple of wooden blocks on the noggin’ but seems ok. He can always consult the tribe’s resident ER doctor. Oh, that’s right, he pissed him off earlier so that could be a no go.

Tis but a scratch, Jeff - a mere flesh wound.
Tis but a scratch, Jeff – a mere flesh wound.

Yellow tries a new approach.

26scottai

But Debbie goes one better …

Debbie #block stacker
Debbie #block stacker

… and blue wins by a hair.

Back at yellow camp Aubry tells Joe they still need Peter on side, so they still have a numbers advantage. Joe concedes she makes sense “even though he’s a big pain in the butt”. Aubry says Joe needs to talk to Peter about their earlier spat and “work it out as guys”. (Have I mentioned how much I like Aubry?) Joe swallows his pride.

Said while trying not to grit his teeth.
Said while trying not to grit his teeth.

Peter agrees with their plan to take out Julia and then tells Scot he’s shelved his mutiny and is voting Julia. Why would you tell Scot that? Just nod and say yes to whatever Scot tells you.

So Scot, Tai and Julia discuss who they want gone.

The tribe discusses how much they love Peter.
The tribe discusses how much they love Peter.

“We need to talk to Aubry,” says Julia, knowing she’s the Brain of the Brains.  They lay out Dr Evil’s deception for her and she plays it cool.

Aubry's wishing she could use the machete on Peter right now.
Aubry’s wishing she could use the machete on Peter right now.

I’m not sure why Aubry has not approached Scot about joining up with her and Joe – although maybe she has and we’ve just not see it. Tai is worried by her lack of reaction, which leads to this adorable scene:

40taiwater

Joe is not impressed that Aubry is thinking of switching her vote to Peter, after she just made him eat humble pie when he wanted to do the same. He’s sticking with the Julia vote, which means if Aubry flips she’ll lose Joe as a future ally. “I feel that no matter what I do, it’s going to blow back and bite me in the ass,” Aubry says. Since we’ve seen no other footage of Aubry talking with Brawn and Beauty, I reckon she’ll vote for Julia. Unless Peter says something really douchey at tribe, and that’s not likely, is it?

Who brought the marshmallows?
Who brought the marshmallows?

It’s tribal council time and Jeff leads the chat in the direction of making it obvious either Julia or Peter is going home. And while he’s talking to Aubry, this happens:

I love it when they whisper stuff at tribal.
I love it when they whisper stuff at tribal.

And then, while Jeff is talking to Joe, Aubry whispers:

46aubruwhisper

And Scot replies “Peter”. Well, this is fun. Poor Aubry looks so stressed and we see her pause immediately before and after finally writing Julia’s name.  Darn it.

And then Jeff reads the votes and it looks like it will be a tie until this awesome thing happens:

48juliapete

And Dr Evil gets his comeuppance. Well, that made for great TV.

The preview for next week’s Survivor: Kaoh Rong shows what looks to be the merge. So, left in the game are Beauties Nick, Julia, Michelle and Tai; Brawn Scot, Jason and Cydney; and Brains Aubry, Joe, Debbie and Neal. And we get footage of Jason boasting about “shoving geeks in lockers”. Urgh.

***

In other news, check out this article on Fishy. Nothing much new but good to see Survivor on the home page of news.com.au.
http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/reality-tv/former-survivor-contestant-stephen-fishbach-spills-show-secrets/news-story/4dfdc934a8d79397385ab0b0beaee5a5



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MKR – Wed, Mar 23 – Miners V Lovebirds

Go now, boys. Run - be free of your constraining shirts.
Go now, boys. Run – be free of your constraining shirts.

At this point does it matter who goes home? We know neither of these teams is going to be in the grand final. I guess I want the Miners to win because they are affable chaps who don’t do ridiculous PDA, but is that just prolonging their suffering?
Boys, use your mining cash to start a food truck selling Mexican food and juices. Put Gareth on customer service and you’d make a motza.


Hmmm, nice raw meat touching cabbage there, MKR fridge stockers.

And so the race to see who the not-quite-so-sucky of two sucky teams begins … But first, we check in with Paige, who recounts her fishy story and says she’s on the mend (but surely she can’t continue in the competition while recovering from hand surgery?).

Gareth and Alex’s menu:

Entree: Salmon sashimi with avocado puree and rice crackers (Sounds way basic so they’d better have awesome sushi knife skills. Seems unlikely.)

Main: Eye fillet with butter bean mash and red wine jus (Sounds like a Nev dish – should that be juss?)

Dessert: Chocolate mousse dome with cherry sorbet (Yum – hope they have been practising their tempering. Any dessert based on the flavours of a Cherry Ripe is a winner with me.)

JP and Nelly:

Entree: Polish borscht with caraway flatbread and dill yoghurt (What’s with all the soup’s this year on MKR? From the Cops’ gluggy pea and ham to Dee’s whatever that mess was with unfried chorizo, they’ll all been flops, despite not being technically challenging.)

Main: Roast duck maryland with potato and leek mash and red wine jus (Meh. Could be delicious but it’s not exactly inspirational)

Dessert: White chocolate mascarpone tart with caramelised figs and hints of earl grey (I believe I’ve made my view on the nothingness that is white chocolate clear.)

And they’re cooking … Alex confesses he’s only tempered chocolate once before but it looks like he’s been shotgunning YouTube videos. It’s going to be hard controlling the temperature under the studio lights.

Nelly is working on her tart pastry but there’s still time for nauseating pecks with JP. But what does official commentator Lauren think? She mutters (correctly) from the sidelines: “There’s too much love between them and not enough in the food.”

Gareth (aka Man Bun) says the dressing is “ponzu-inspired” and “We’re showing a bit of creative flair.” This does not bode well. If combining the sauce and avocado was a good idea, the Japanese would have started doing it centuries ago.

Both teams seem behind with their entrees, but who can tell, really, with the editing. Supposedly with 20 minutes to go Nelly yells “shish-kebab!” and remembers she has to make flatbread for the entree. And with 15 minutes to go their rice crackers aren’t in the oven and the fish hasn’t been touched.

Back from the ad break, Manu pretends he’s excited and tells Pete “We’ve got salmon versus soup; the ‘fat’ is on.”

Urgh – more kissy kissy. Nelly’s flatbread doesn’t seem to be baking in the oven so they pop it in a frypan. Allegedly with 60 seconds to go Gareth is cutting up his hot rice crackers with a pizza wheel.

Time for judging …


Guy says the soup has a grainy texture. It’s all a bit blah.


“It’s a good bit of fish, but a few microherbs thrown on top, it just doesn’t cut the mustard for me.” Karen says the rice cracker wasn’t cooked enough. Colin is scathing: “What are you doing with all that time? … When we’ve seem some of the other dishes the other teams have put up …”

Time for mains … the boys get their sorbet in the freezer and start to unmould their chocolate. Their domes are breaking. But then Alex gets the hang of it and the crowd goes wild. The Lovebirds are also focusing on dessert – can someone please start their main!
Alex does a paprika and onion powder rub for his beef fillet and browns it in a pan that’s far too hot. Man Bun is entrusted with mixing lemon into butter.
Nelly is making potato and leek mash and is trying to get it smooth with a stick blender. But what does official commentator, Lauren, think: “They’re going to turn into glue.”
That’s twice I’ve agreed with Lauren tonight. Can someone check my temperature? Does Nelly not watch the show? It’s called a drum sieve, girl. And why is she cooking broccolini with oodles of time left on the clock?
Meanwhile, everything’s going wrong on the other side. Pete and Manu are exchanging alarmed looks at the thought of eating the Miners’ gloppy bean puree (Fass is going to lose it); the boys have forgotten to put the wine in their jus; and Alex has burnt some of the beef because he burnt the spices when he fried it earlier. Oh no, it’s actually because he had one of the ovens on grill. He’s understandably freaking out.
It’s the battle of the sozes, and the onlookers think both jus will be rubbish. The Mners’ meat is resting without a thermometer in sight, but luckily for them it looks nice and pink inside. Well, one fillet, at least. The other is almost raw. The Lovebirds are plopping their Clag mash and overcooked broccoli on the plate. We haven’t heard much about the duck, so it’s probably fine.

The judges dig in …


Fass: “It was dry. The broccoli .. it was three times cooked .. I’m a bit disheartened today actually.” The sauce is yucky, as is the Clag.


Some beef is blue, some is overcooked, the beans are stodgy. Manu: “The jus is just red wine. I prefer to have no soz at all.”
Fass: “I might not even come back – I’m that angry”
Jordan sums it up: “The butter has [pause while he tries to think of something nice to say] flavour in it and the leek was actually all right. Normally I have my red wine in a glass.”

As predicted, it’s a huge letdown after the highs of the Italians V Zana showdown where people made their own pasta and filo, stuffed squid, made risotto, etc.

It’s dessert time and the boys are quenelling sorbet like champions. Gareth starts making praline. At least the dessert will have a number of elements showcasing technique.
The Lovebirds take their tea-flavoured pastry out and it looks a bit blond but they seem happy. It’s certainly thin.
But then Nelly is having fig trouble and yet again has to be bleeped for swearing. I remember this from her instant restaurant – she was depicted as Snow White but there was a lot of bleeping.
Why didn’t she just torch them to start with? Perhaps because she was terrible memories of blow torch dramas from their restaurant – remember JP driving from servo to servo?
The Miners are plating up and it looks so much better than their last sweet effort:

Not plated up by four year olds.
Not plated up by four year olds.

Yep, they’ve got this.

Tasting time …
The judges are delighted to have two dishes that look edible.


Guy: “Wow – it’s like it’s a different team.” The choc is well tempered and the sorbet is refreshingly tart. Fass would like a thinner dome but he’s just happy to have decent food. Manu eats everything on his plate.


Guy likes the shortness of the pastry. Colin: “It’s elegant, it’s feminine.” They all like it.

The Miners are judged first and Colin does some truth telling to their sad little faces, but they “romped it home” for dessert.
Scores: Fass 4; Guy 5; Karen 5; Liz 5; Pete 5; Manu 5. Total 29/60
The boys think they’re going home and JP and Nelly are hopeful, until …
Fass schools them in how to make a vegie trivet to stop duck overcooking on the bottom and says their soz was a waste of red wine.
Scores: Fass 3; Guy 4; Karen 5; Liz 5; Pete 5; Manu 5. 27/60
The camera must have missed Zana’s reaction, so instead we get:

OMG
OMG

JP is so devo that Nelly has to do all the talking.
Go have a cup of tea, JP.
Go have a cup of tea, JP.

Yep, see ya – don’t mind me while I fast forward through your kissing montage.

A reminder there’s no MKR Sunday but it’s back Monday with a feed-the-public challenge at a movie night. It looks like everything goes wrong for Zana, probably because they made her wear pink lippie instead of her usual villain red. Lauren must have gotten that shade – for when she’s throwing shade.



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