LIVE BLOG (SA TIME): Missed the first minute and tuned in to see Akmal has already arrived. Yay – he’s good value.
They are moving quickly – it’s Bonnie Lythgoe (ex-wife of Nigel Lythgoe, creator of So You Think You Can Dance). Makes sense – she was a judge on the Aussie version years ago, which was a Channel 10 product. Was there a little bit of her contract left to use up? Yes, I watched it but I wonder if many of the other celebs did. She and Akmal politely pretend to know who the other is.
30 seconds later – it IS Anthony Callea, ex-Australian Idol singer. Poor lad must be sweating in that glittery jacket.
Courtney Hancock is next. Sorry, I don’t know you, champion ironwoman, but you seem nice. No-one else knows her either.
Bonnie confesses she has never slept in a sleeping bag. She is going to be the Maureen of the season.
Paul “The Chief” Harrogan is the NRL captain – hadn’t thought of him at all. He knows who Akmal is. Phew.
Here comes the helicopter … darn, it’s only Chris and JMo, who tell them they will be trekking to the camp together. Five angry blokes with pregnant bellies AKA parachute backpacks pop out to give everyone the willies. Our Famous Five realise they will have to jump out of a plane. Geez, who’d have thunk that was a possibility on a show like this. “Just think of it as an instant facelift,” say Callea. Good one, Ant. They will have to change into their khaki shirts and red pants. Luckily Ant has red dacks on already .
12 mins in: I’ll give Ten credit – they are ripping right through it. JMo is wearing a super shiny blue retro swing dress but it is it just me or does she not really look like her? I prefer her usual make-up and do.
17 mins in: Cut to pre-recorded confessionals. Bonnie does not want to share a toilet. Please, someone, make her swim in a vat of elephant poo like last year.
OMG It’s Jo Beth Taylor! Didn’t pick that – she’s ex-Channel Nine. Guess that rules out Toni Pearen then.
Yes, as we already know, it’s Val Lehman: Bea Smith from Prisoner. Jo Beth knows who she is but I don’t think it’s reciprocated.
And, it’s Fev (Brendan Fevola), to be this season’s Barry Hall. Jo Beth introduces herself as JB. Fev is afraid of snakes, spiders and, errr, mozzies.
The international DJ is Havana Brown and she knows Fev. She is kinda famous overseas but I’m tipping not many TTV readers will know her. Will find some links to her songs later.
Dean Geyer – another Idol contestant! His family moved here from South Africa years ago. I last saw him playing a buff marine type in Terra Nova, a US sci-fi series filmed in Queensland. Must be between gigs. He came third on the season of Idol won by Damien Leith (the Irish guy with the beautiful voice), with runner up Jessica Mauboy.
We were right – it is Laurina Fleure from Bachie Blake Dirty Dog season. She will be good TV.
JMo and Chris are back. Let’s hope Fev offers to carry Val’s bag for her. They have to canoe to camp. Deano puts his tank top on backwards and has to have Fev point it out. D’oh.
32 mins in: More precorded confessionals. All pretty tame so they have to cut to a clip of a scary-looking snake. Chris has placed a wooden statue of a gazelle between him and JMo to keep her mitts off him.
The Famous Five get the speech on how a lion could eat them when they land, although there’s probably more danger of being shot accidentally by one of the armed guard.
Val is cacking herself because Fev can’t steer a canoe and they go backwards. Laurina is the first one to say shit as she and Jo Beth capsize. Jo Beth then clocks herself in the face with her own oar. Let’s hope she didn’t smash a tooth. Havana benefits from the fact Dean looks like he’s rafted before, plus she’s not a 72-year-old woman.
We’re still waiting on the 12th celeb – is this Warnie?
To recap, we have:
43 mins in: Heather (ex-Bachelorette) and Joel Creasey, who host the after-show, say g’day. We know they are cool because Joel is wearing art curator glasses and Heather is in a playsuit.
Cut to the sky and they have to push Harrogan out of the chopper. He’s a big unit so that skydiver must have some guns. He’s packing death and fair enough – I wouldn’t do it. The River Tribe is waiting to welcome the Sky People. So we have khaki shirts versus navy shirts – is this a two tribes scenario, a la Survivor?
Poor Courtney lands a bit hard and looks shaken. Bonnie jumps and there are no creases on her forehead – it can’t be just the effect of the wind. She’s a bit teary. Akmal pretty much takes it in his stride and lands standing up, leaving Ant to sweat it out on his own.
54 minutes in: Not a lot of ads tonight – I’m surprised. Is KFC not on board this year? Ant jumps: “I’m never, ever doing this again.” So, Ant to win?
JMo is getting more texts. HAS to be Warnie. Ok, I was wrong – it’s another ad! Ten is using I’m A Celeb to lure people into staying to watch the X Files. I’ve seen part of the first ep and, honestly, it ain’t worth it. Duchovny is just dialling it in for the moolah. Can you believe they initially fought against giving Gillian the same money as DD? Makes me even less inclined to watch.
One hour in: The core 11 celebs arrive at the first Tucker Trial, which is how they win extra food. They are dangling above vats of fish guts and offal. Celebs must use their mouths to pick up stars from boxes crawling with the usual gross insects. Akmal and Val try not to swallow any mealworms and are giving it a good crack. Box 2 is cockroaches and Bonnie does surprisingly well, beating Fev. Havana and Ant try not to drown putting their heads in a tank of eels. Box 4 is 14kg of maggots. Deano laps it up and Court does well. Laurina and Harrigan have scorpions – they’ve saved them for her, expecting her to freak.
72 mins in: Laurina smashes it and seals the win for her team. So, Sky People are going to get dunked. Akmal jumps out but is made to hop back in. It’s not that bad – their heads didn’t even get slimed. The worst bit is they know a hot shower is a long way off. The others have to tell Dean and Fev what a long drop and a short drop are. Jo Beth gives delivers the horrifying news that if they poo in the wrong one they have to scoop it out with their hands. This could lead to trouble.
They get a teeny dinner of biltong and salad. Why not give them the ingredients and make them cook it? More interesting than watching them get handed food.
85 mins in: It’s dark and the Sky Peeps finally make it to camp, looking knackered. After trying to start the fire for ages the celebs finally twig they have a flame in their lantern and can use that. Some of the dunkees burn their rank undies. Val kindly tries to teach Ant how to cook rice – he buys the pre-cooked packs at home. Tim must be the chef of the couple, or perhaps Mama Callea cooks and drops off care packages for them.
Fev thinks the jungle noises are fake. JoBeth needs a Panadeine Forte desperately. Harrogan is snoring – everyone wants to kill him. Fev snores, too.
The plane with Celeb No. 12 lands and, shock, horror, it’s Mr Yeah Yeah. But – cliffhanger – they are saving his entrance for tomorrow night.
Phew – that was a jam-packed 90 minutes. So, who do we think will be out first? Court?
I leave you with this classic from Jo Beth: