Tag: Zana

MKR – Tues, Feb 9 – Can Zana cook?

Who’s watching Zana and Plus One tonight? Still 10 mins til it starts here in SA, darn it.

So we start with the editors reminding us Zana and Plus One are super smart, scuccessful and rich yadda yadda.
Zana: “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, just doesn’t know where to shop.”
She’s Albanian, from Montenegro, and he’s Italian so I’m hoping to see some dishes that are new for me, with my boring Anglo Saxon heritage with its rubbish cuisine.

Some geography smarts coming at you.
Some geography smarts coming at you.

It’s off to the shops they go and Zana looks much nicer dressed “down” but they still have the make up slapped on her.
The self-confessed germaphobe teachers Plus One the correct onion selection technique.
“It’s extremely important that the onions need to be double layered, because if they’re exposed, babe, that’s germs.”
I can tell she’s never been on public transport, or she’d be dead from fear.
The pita entree sounds easy, but then we learn in Albania they make it from filo pastry, which I know from GBBO is not so easy to make and you need a tonne of bench space.
Mmmm … main is liver. I’d happily eat it but I can’t help thinking of that immortal Silence of the Lambs line: “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.” I think most of the guests – especially those with Maltese heritage and the Curlies – will just dig in. Manu and Pete sound worried about the guests’ reaction. I’m more worried about them being overcooked.


Driving home they have to pull over because the horn on their car gets stuck blasting at full tilt (much like Z herself). Plus One, are you sure this is your car or did you borrow it to look good on the show?
Their restaurant looks stylish in black and white and they have photos of their grandparents looming over everyone – they look a bit like those portraits you see at some funerals. Did Zana choose white so any specks of dirt would be easy to spot? Definitely not termite-infested moss placements here.
They enter the kitchen on time and Zana gets on to the pita while Plus One does the dough for the dessert, krofne. Google says this is basically a jam doughnut.

Entree: Albanian pita with beetroot hummus
Main: Crumbed calves livers with Albanian peppers
Dessert: Krofne with hazelnut ganache

Zana mentions she is using a recipe of her Nonna’s, but Nonna doesn’t use measurements. Uh oh – we know what that means … It doesn’t feel right – is what we saw in the ad going in the bin? Looks like it. Take two us also stuffed so she gets out the Kenwood and is happy with take three, but she’s wasted over an hour and still has to roll, butter and stretch everything. The finished pastry is filled with feta, eggs, yoghurt.
They haven’t started mains yet but the livers should be a quick cook.
Zana is starting to crack under the pressure. The pita isn’t cooking underneath – can’t she just turn on the bottom element? She takes it out and leaves it one the stove with a tea towel draped over it – wouldn’t this send the steam back down to make the pastry soggier?
The guests arrive and it’s all diamantes and lace, with the blokes in black tie (except Jordan gets a cute spotty one). Poor Plus One – that’s going to be make for sweaty cooking.
Zana cuts and the pastry and … it’s perfect (and she’s an expert on perfection). Here come the judges and Pete didn’t get the memo about black tie. Zana is worried about kissing them because she smells like garlic. I’m surprised Manu doesn’t have his own cologne range, Eau de Garlique.
The guests have a squiz at the menu and Cop 2 is squeamish about the liver.
In the kitchen the couple are happy with the beetroot hummus and utter a key danger phrase: “It’s exactly how we always make it.”
At the table, kudos to Curly Sue, who knows what Albanian pita should look like. She must have been boning up on her culinary knowledge – what a crazy idea for a cooking show contestant.
The plated up entree looks simple but the pastry looks lovely and flaky and they’ve added some colour to the beetroot hummus with pistachios and herbs. Does it need a little rocket salad, too, for freshness?


Some of the guests are pleased to see Zana and Plus One looks rattled, and Cop 1 is relishing the prospect of Zana taking a fall.
The judges go in for the chew and … Manu says “I hate to say but I’m devastated.”
Cut to ad break. Oh, Channel 7, you can’t fool me. You’ve taken a leaf out of Channel 10’s book, when Matt Preston threw a dish on the floor of the MasterChef kitchen and proclaimed it “disgusting … {lengthy ad break] disgustingly delicious”.

And we’re back and Manu finishes “… that I don’t have any more to eat”. You didn’t fool me, Manu! Zana tears up with happiness and her crying face is even more fun to watch than her disgusted face. What mascara is she using? It’s sticking like glue.

You were right, Zana - you're a rock under pressure.
You were right, Zana – you’re a rock under pressure.

zana3

zanacry
Manu: “I’ve got nothing negative to say.” Pete is also full of praise.
The guests enjoy it, even with the pow of garlic.
Cop 1 is in anti-Zana mode and doesn’t like the salty feta, nor the garlicky hummus. Realising this is her chance t justify a low score, Cougar backs her up.
In the kitchen it’s offal time. Zana drains the milk off in the sink and please tell me they are not reusing that washing cloth that’s sitting in the sink after they’ve drained bloody liver milk over it.
At the table some guests are feeling icky about the liver. Suck it up, people! You are meant to be foodies and this is when MKR fans start getting the shits with you.
Back to the kitchen and they’ve forgotten they have something in the oven. Oh, crumbs! Smoke pours out. It’s the breadcrumbs.

Quick, grab a glass cloche and trap it.
Quick, grab a glass cloche and trap it.

As it turns out, the crumbs are fine and it was just spilt beetroot jewses on the bottom of the oven burning.
Plus One does veg prep very slowly (and he’s annoying me by swiping it into a bowl with the sharp blade of his knife rather than reversing it to use the dull edge – quickest way to blunt a good knife) while Zana crumbs and fries the livers.
The guests are doing Geography 101 and Curly Sue, the youngest, is the smartest one in the room. The livers look yum but Zana rejects the suggestion for more seasoning – danger, danger!
The people scared about trying the liver need to pretend it’s a tasty schnitzel, which is what it looks like.


As she watches the judges chew, Zana does the “I need to do a wee dance” and looks super nervous.
Manu calms her down by saying this is the best possible way for someone to try liver as the unsuspecting won’t know it is. Turns out, that’s exactly what she did to Plus One, but he loves her for her tricksy ways.
Manu has one small criticism that it needs a touch more salt (as predicted). Pete is effusive with “wow”, “perfection”, next level” and “I’ll remember this dish for a long time”.
It looks smashing and is exactly the kind of dish I’d order when out, because I love figuring out what all the ingredients are in unfamiliar dishes. However, the editors are playing quirky, off-kilter music so, who’s going to spit the dummy?
No, it’s a classic MKR misdirect.
Paige: “I love liver. I also love yoghurt and onion and crumbs.” Rosie and the Curlies agree. Cop 2 is on board and Cougar Town know they are going down.
In the kitchen, it’s dessert time and Zana wants the filling to resemble Nutella so she is using Cadbury’s Dairy Milk. Urgh – it’s oily sweet stuff designed for the palate of five-year-olds. Grow up and embrace your dark side, Zana.
The melted chocolate is dangerously close to Plus One’s crisp white cuffs.
Manu pops into the kitchen to give them a pep talk: “We’ve had a brilliant night so far – don’t ruin eet.”
Cue obligatory jokes about cops and doughnuts.
Curly Bro is finally getting some airtime tonight – hope they try him with a man bun soon.
Zana is micromanaging the frying of the doughnuts and making Plus One nervous. They do a taste test and are pretty happy. Plus One is loving having some control for a change when he gets to wield the piping gun. Zana is in charge of espresso shots to go with the krofne.
It looks tasty.


I’m glad they’re doing doughnuts as it’s reminded me to whip out this beauty from the Italian bakery down the road to sustain me for the rest of this recap.

Hole lotta love.
Hole lotta love.

It’s Chew O’Clock … and Pete questions whether it’s enough for a dessert. Maybe it needs to be an affogato with hazelnut gelato. Sage advice. Manu slams their quality of chocolate, so he won’t be doing ads for Cadbury any time soon.
The guests mostly love the doughnuts (even Cop 1) but the boys wanted more and a swiftly sinking Cougar pulls out the ultimate insult: “It tasted like a doughnut you could buy at a store.” Ouch!
Time for the scores but, darn it, it’s off to kitchen HQ to find out who’s been eliminated. Usually we at least get to hear the guests’ scores, so they are obviously safe as they only have to smash 31.

Judges: Entree Pete 10, Manu 10; Main Pete 10, Manu 9; Dessert Pete 8, Manu 8.
The guests’ combined score – wish they would reveal the individual scores – is 42/50 for a grad total of 97. They are on top of the leaderboard, and deservedly so.
Since Cougar Town are now the dearly departed, we’ll call them Cheryl and Matt. They’re disappointed but take it well.
So tomorrow night it’s on to the new batch of victims: The Italianos, The Miners and Jessica – they’re the only ones we need to know, according to the ad.



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MKR Week 2 Monday night

mum_jordan

Tonight it’s WA’s turn, and I’m looking forward to see what Jordan is wering, but whatever happens tonight is just an amuse-bouche for Zana and Plus One’s effort tomorrow night.
We officially meet Mama Anna has been married for 33 years and has four sons, whom she loves equally. Jordan: “I’m top two, though.”
Anna is Maltese she gets her thrills feeding other people. She and Jordan plan that their instant restaurant will leave everyone with a food baby as a parting gift. I don’t think this is such a good thing.
They hit the butcher first for their pork belly for the snags and rabbit for the braise, because the only bunnies at Coles are the choccy ones in the premature Easter section.

Entree: Baby octopus with spicy pork sausage, potato and salsa verde
Main: Dad’s braised rabbit with pappardelle
Dessert: Imqaret with orange blossom ice cream

It all sounds divine. What the heck is imqaret? Pete, Manu, please explain? Actually, it’s Jordan who explains it’s a Maletese date biscuit, and Mama Anna hopes it all comes off because they are her Dad’s fave dishes.
Mama: “You’re always so positive.” Jordan:”I’m a proton.”
Their restaurant is European themed “Mama knows best” so there are olives everywere, wine barrels and -I swear this is what Jordan said, channeling Manu – “little momentums from their past”.
They are on track and ready in the kitchen when the clock ticks to 3:00, so they’re already an hour ahead of the SA Besties.
Mama is cooking octopus and admits it can be tricky but “don’t worry, I’ve cooked it tonnes of times – it’ll be fine”. Uh Oh – is that the MKR kiss of death?
Jordan is making gelato from 18 egg yolks. Mama wishes he would measure for a change. He is putting a lot of orange blossom water in and they love it, but it may be confronting for a newbie palate.
Mama is ensuring the rabbits are fur free, so Zana doesn’t hyperventilate.
Jordan shows he’s handled a few sausages in his time (sorry, couldn’t resist), but his filling technique is impressive. It looks good.
Poor boy then has to peel and chop 30 onions. The rabbit goes in the oven and they appear to be on track.
Here come the guests and I like the way Cougar has been styled for once. Cop No. 1’s mum is Maltese and she says they’ve done a good job with the decos, but she still doesn’t know where Malta is.

Thank goodness for Google Maps it's that island in the middle.
Thank goodness for Google Maps; it’s that island in the middle.

Back in the kitchen and Anna has a bag of Coles brand flour on the bench right next to a name brand flour. Then she pulls out another band, presumably 00 flour, for the pasta.
Jordan tips duck fat all over the prepped chips – yummo! And tonight for the first time we have twice-cooked sausages: in the oven and then the chargrill. They disagree over the manner of sausage slicing and Mama wins.
Everyone else is dressed for Perth weather but the poor judges have to sweat it out in suits. Mama needs to skol her glass of red before she can answer the door.
Jordan tells the guests they are going for a family vibe with that feeling of being full and in the belly and “getting the meat sweats”. Is that what we really want to hear.
Zana gives the menu grudging respect and says she’s glad they have competition-worthy dishes on there, but of course she is going to smash it even harder.
Jordan is having trouble with his salsa verde – too much acid. But they tweak it and feel they’ve rectified the tartness.
The occies are whacked on the chargrill for caramelisation and it’s time to plate. Salad leaves (yes – they looked dressed for a change) but then they put hot chips on top and wilt it. It’s not the prettiest looking dish but has interesting flavours.


And the judges go in for the chew …”Did you meck your own zossage?” Oui. Good, but they needed more salsa verde and cutting the zossage meant the fat leaked out, leaving them dry. Pete liked the flavour of the zossage but agrees with Manu. The judges tell them to stick to traditional ways of serving food.
The cops are happy with the occy; Cub actually gets to speak by himyself and Cougar is hoping for a main course disaster to save them. Zana says the flavours are familiar to those of her own cultural background but they stuffed up the snag, and she makes it way better. Where’s the soz? she bemoans of the occy.
Cop 1, Zana’s arch nemesis, isn’t happy: “To be honest I was zoing out.”
Back in the kitchen and the sauce isn’t reducing as much as they’d wish, but there’s another disaster looming. Jordan didn’t put the lid properly on the ice cream churner and half the mixture has ice crystals in it.
Jordan works to salvage it while Mama makes pappardelle ribbons using the pastry cutter handed down from her mum. They quibble over how much pasta to allow for each person. The soz is too watery, so they tip it off to reduce it.
Cop No. 2 must be worried she’s going to be eating Thumper: ” This may sound silly, but do they already come de-furred?”
Luckily Zana is a rabbit pappardelle expert and tells everyone what to expect.
Mama and Son plate up and, damn, it looks good. This photo doesn’t do it justice.


It’s chew time … Pete tries to scare them by asking if they’d tasted it: “Mama, you knocked me off my chair. That sauce was just profound.” The only tiny negative for him was the meat was a bit dry. “I’m loving eet. I’ll come buck tomorrow. The pasta are great. The rabbit is nice and jew-say.” So, 10 from Manu and 9 from Pete?
More importantly, what does Zana think? “It’s good. This is definitely the dish that has impressed me the most throughout this whole competition.” Plus One wants to have a Pasta Off, so you know he’s going down hard.
In the kitchen it’s dessert time and Jordan is not 100 per cent happy with his ice cream’s texture,but he is still going to serve it because he wants everyone to have a big scoop. Noooooo, Jordan – this is when you buy some cream or mascarpone at Coles as a back-up option.
Back in the dining room, poor Cougar is “not a big fan of ice cream”. Is that because she thinks it should be made with condensed milk?
Curly is afraid it will taste like soap due to the orange blossom and it’s a fair call, given we see Mama sloshing it into the bickie filling as well.
The pastry looks lovely and thin and we see the bickies are made by frying them. Ice cream flaws aside, they are the only team to serve proper ice cream that hasn’t melted by the time it hits the table.
Curlies can’t wait to dig in and are thinking Mama and Jordan could knock them off the top of the leaderboard.


Cue the chew … Manu: “I’m very satisfied one more time.” He likes the contrast of the warm biscuits and cold ice cream, but … Jordan knows the ice cream is to blame. Pete is happy, too. If they’d got the ice cream right it would be the best dessert in MKR history (Nic and Rocco, eat your heart out).
Curly finds the ice cream soapy on its own, but when combined with the bickie it’s yum. Even Zana likes it, so it must be delicious. Plus One has been watching too much How I Met Your Mother: “Challenge accepted.”

The scores: Cougar Town 9; Cops 9; Besties 8; Zana and that random guy 9; Curlies 8. Thumbs up to everyone for fair scoring, especially Cougar Town, who have a lot to lose. Total: 43/50
Judges: Entree Pete 7, Manu 7; Main Pete 9, Manu 10; Dessert Pete 9, Manu 9.
Total score: 94
Anna tears up at the thought her dear departed Dad’s recipes have been so well received.They now top the leaderboard by five points.
Tomorrow night it’s off to Victoria to see if Zana can cook. The promo shows them heading off to the shops in some sporty car and getting pulled over. Sucked in.



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