MKR recap episode 3

I was going to do a live recap (SA time) of tonight’s Cougar Town episode but I had to poke my eyes out after that glimpse of slinky nightie cleavage in the first minute. I’ll resume recapping when I’m able.

In the meantime, comment away!

Okay, I found some prosthetic eyes and am ploughing on …

Whoops ... baps for brekkie. (Sorry)
Whoops … baps for brekkie. (Sorry)

The preview made this episode look like a trainwreck and, while MKR has been known to misdirect us, it’s looking like the truth from the get go. I really don’t need to see people, regardless of their age, calling each other “sexy bum” in a 7.30pm time slot. Cheryl and Matt seem to be lapping up the Cougar and Cub tags and are equally icky towards each other.

The menu is revealed and it’s retro a go go because Cheryl is like, you know, old. Well she’s not, really, and she’s a well-groomed lady, but in TV land lady years she’s practically dead.

Entree: Chicken caesar salad

Main: Grilled swordfish with pea puree and tarragon sauce

Dessert: Chocolate seduction pudding with poached pears and cinnamon ice cream

They decorate their restaurant by exploding a rainbow and hiding a few whoopee cushions. I can’t wait to see Pete’s face if they put one on his.

Her ice cream is made from condensed milk, which is a very 70s thing to do. And she bought a tonne of brown sugar. It is going to be soo sweet. I’m predicting this is the one Pete says he can only have one spoonful of.

Matt (the Cub) says the menu is “bold”. Take the “b” off the front and he’s right.

Danger, danger – they are making the caesar salad croutons with bought bread and, umm .. chilli? In a caeser.

Oh lord, the sauce has fresh tarragon, dried tarragon and cornflour!

This is hot on the heels of a team that smoked venison, used wild boar and tempered their own chocolate.

And yet they are going to the effort of shelling their own peas, which for a puree is  a waste of time given they are under the pump – it’s not like they are being eaten fresh in salad.

OK, have to polish my artificial eyeballs … rest of recap to follow soon.

And we’re back …

Instead of breaking the ice the guests are breaking the wind but they seem to be loving it, especially Jordan, who wants to be Cheryl’s new gay BFF.

Back in the kitchen and the bacon is both burnt and underdone but that’s cool because Matt wanted different textures and Cheryl’s spin is that it gives people a choice. She’s great at faking confidence and positivity. Is she a realtor?

Matt gives the croutons a bath in a litre of oil.

Zana can’t wink for fear her eyelash glue will set while her eyes are shut.

The judges arrive and, sadly, there are no exploding bum noises – that must come after the meal.

The record menus look cool and when Cougar explains the dessert is designed to lure men Manu tries extremely hard to keep a straight face.

Matt is in charge of cooking the chicken and fails miserably. He’s been taking cues from MasterChef contestants. Luckily Cougar realises it’s raw before the guests get salmonella.

The guests are pondering what the salad twist will be but our villainess Zana is freaking out because she does not eat lettuce that has not been grown in Cloud Cuckoo Land, in case it has dirt on it. Why would a germaphobic go on a cooking show?

The poached eggs look good but there is no sign of the lettuce being washed (unless it happened off camera). Is a producer on standby to gently place a speck of dirt on Zana’s plate?

“Make sure that they’re odd, babe,” Cougar warns as Cub plates up. This actually means “make the plates look like a dog’s breakfast”. My local supermarket presents its packaged salad better than this and they only charge seven bucks. Cougar Town garnish with fresh rosemary, which is pretty much inedible. It is a lot of food for an entree.


Plus One is being kind when he says “presentation is lacking”.

The judges go in for the prolonged chew …

MORE RECAP TO COME … STAY TUNED

Pete goes in for the kill: “It didn’t look attractive. Was it pleasant to eat? Not really … The dressing … It’s thin? It’s got a very strange taste to it.” The bacon isn’t crispy, chicken dry and the chilli croutons are a miss. “If I got served that a restaurant I would never go back.” Cougar Town are devo and the other teams find it totes awks.

Zana can’t bring herself to taste it but Curly Wurly Laura puts on a brave face and talks it up.

Onwards and upwards to mains. Plus One gets to speak again. What – that’s twice in one episode!  His wife tells a hilarious story about a teacher saying she should pursue a career as a dictator. Paige is loving peppering her with questions, baiting her.

Cougar says the swordfish is perfectly cooked, which is the kiss of death. Plating is much better than the entree and the puree looks vibrant, but they need to flick off the fresh tarragon.

We cut from the masticating Manu and Pete to a promo for the SA girls’ instant restaurant and the food looks divine. Go you good things! Back in the dining room and Manu says the overcooked fish is like tinned tuna. He  likes the carrots, even with skin, but there is dirt visible on them. (Zana is having a panic attack out of shot). The sauce is too sharp and the puree has not been seasoned. Rookie mistakes abound. So now we know they were definitely cast for entertainment value, much like the Captain and whatserface last year. Pete makes them feel a little better by saying his fish was perfect but it’s downhill from there.

Why did no-one tell me vegetables grow in dirt?
Why did no-one tell me vegetables grow in dirt?
Will Gillette sponsor the next episode to rid us of hirsute veg?
Will Gillette sponsor the next episode to rid us of hirsute veg?

Zana does not like hair in her carrots, only in her face. Paige is on fire: “You know when you have a sandwich at the beach and a bit of sand got in it …”

They haven’t started poaching their pears yet – dessert is going to take forever, or they’ll serve them undercooked (another MasterChef motif). Most of the other teams are rooting for the Cougars to stage a comeback but it’s looking unlikely.

BEAR WITH ME; BACK IN A TICK

At least their ice cream is frozen. “It’s not meant to have a strong flavour,” Cheryl says as she gives him a taste of pear. So, it’s bland, then. The caramel is smudging their balloon glasses and I feel for her at this stage, because she knows she’s on a losing streak but is putting on a brave face for the camera.

Cue the chew … Manu says it tastes like cinnamon, not chocolate but Pete can’t hide his disdain when he says: “I’m trying to find something I like about this and there’s nothing.” Ouch! Manu slams the faux ice cream and flavourless pears: “As a dessert as a whore, deez appointing.” Cheryl looks mortified.

Guest scores: Mum and son 3; SA girls 3; Zana and Plus One 3; Cops 4; Curlies 4. Generous, really. They made the cops look like Michelin chefs. Total 17/50.

Judges: Entree Pete 3, Manu 4; Main Pete 3, Manu 2; Dessert Pete 1, Manu 1. Grand total 31.

Is that lower than anything we saw last year? Cougar takes the criticism gracefully.

Oh, so Sunday’s episode is actually Mum and Son and it looks like they serve a delicious main. Thank god – people who can cook!



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MKR episode 2 recap

Alex & Gareth (QLD)Alex & Gareth (QLD)
Anna & Jordan (WA)Anna & Jordan (WA)
Cheryl & Matt (QLD)Cheryl & Matt (QLD)
Gianni & Zana (VIC)Gianni & Zana (VIC)
Jessica & Marcos (VIC)Jessica & Marcos (VIC)
JP & Nelly (QLD)JP & Nelly (QLD)
Luciano & Martino (NSW)Luciano & Martino (NSW)
Mitch & Laura (VIC)Mitch & Laura (VIC)
Monique & Sarah (NSW)Monique & Sarah (NSW)
Nev & Kell (WA)Nev & Kell (WA)
Rosie & Paige (SA)Rosie & Paige (SA)
Tasia & Gracia (VIC)Tasia & Gracia (VIC)

It’s Tuesday night and time for the second, hopefully more impressive, round of MKR.

It’s the Curly Wurlies and the establishment shots will make everyone want to visit Mornington Peninsula in Vic. Gorgeous. Wikipedia says their home town of Shoreham only has 400-odd people.

Being farm kids they are big fans of nose-to-tail eating so let’s hope they serve up some offal. Who’s most likely to declare they don’t eat offal …  There has to be one.

Entree: Smoked venison

Main: Roasted Wild Boar

Dessert:  Black Forest Mousse Cake

They are smart not to list every ingredient of the dish on the menu, as teams are always marked down for leaving off elements. Uh oh, the butcher does not have the right cut of boar and we know Coles will be no help.

Back home and the clock is already ticking. Love the nature-themed decorations after last night’s cop kitsch.

Curly Sue is only 18 but she is smart appointing herself head chef AND both have tied back their hair – hooray.

They churn their ice cream first, which is smart. Their dessert sounds fabulous – chocolate and cherry are a match made in heaven. It’s time to get changed and they don’t seem to have prepped entree or dessert.

Here are the guests – please tell me Zana (Lippy Chick) is going to stack it in a puddle in her white dress. Darn it – she’s makes it. Cops Monique and Sarah have to play catch up getting to know the others. Lawyer Zana continues her fine form of last night with: “Every police officer I deal with is horrific.” Yeah, smart move when they’ve yet to score your food, Zana.

Entree is actually smoked venison, roasted beetroot, blackberries, mushrooms and a mustard mousse. These kids have been watching modern English cooking shows. It’s no goat’s cheese tart. The venison looks to be different sizes which could prove tricky, as it’s a quick-cooking meat.

Ding dong – judges! Curly Sue tries not to fangirl over Manu this time.

While the guests are peckish they refrain from nibbling on the termites that crawl out of their mossy placements. Zana’s face is, yet again, priceless. Plus One is definitely the spider killer of the couple.

Urgh ... food made by uni students.
Urgh … food made by uni students.

Rosie and Paige from SA again prove they are the queens of the confessional, coming up with the one liners. Paige bets Manu $10 there will be smoky theatrics with the entree and we know from the ads she’s right.

Oh no – the venison is way over. It’s going to be tough. Their plating is so pretty, even before the cloches filled with smoke go on. Will the smoke impart enough flavour, though?

The judges are chewing, chewing when poor Curly Sue realises she forgot the jus. Never forget the sauce, Curly Sue! When the ads are over I just know Manu will look at her with his sad French eyes.


Here we go … Manu loves the theatrics of it all BUT he misses the jus and the meat is not rare. Pete gives them props for having a real crack at it.

Roasted boar with sauteed carrots, duck fat potatoes, celeriac puree, cranberry sauce and a red wine reduction. It’s a really autumnal-sounding dish and – hooray – a team is doing a decent serve of vegies.

Zana doesn’t like pig, just because. This could be the first of many things Zana doesn’t like, followed closely by No. 2 “keeping her trap shut”.

Curly Sue left the boar in the pan too long but thinks she got away with it. Because it’s the wrong cut they have to pan sear instead of roasting it as described on their pared-back menu. So next time their menu will just read: Meat. More Meat. Sweets.

Even though they ditch their gross-tasting jus the plate looks lovely. Pete gives them a mild roasting over their meat but is still delighted by the dish, despite not liking the cranberry sauce. Manu is pro-sauce but also wants a jus. He has high hopes for their future dishes.

Zana likes the boar – ehrmagerd!

Dessert time and Curly Sue shows off her chocolate tempering skills – nice and glossy.

Cougar Town ensures the others have room for dessert by making them do a little vom-vom in their mouths with descriptions and actions of her kissing style.

Surfer Mitch is packing  it that he has to flip the mousse cake but he does well. Again their plating works well but they have to have to plop melting ice cream on to each plate. Did they leave it under the camera lights for too long? Just call it a chocolate sauce, kids.

You can tell Manu is happy with the chocolate crack ( a noise up there with pork crackle crunch and creme brulee crack). Pete says the mousse cake was perfect but that the ice cream, molten or not, was unnecessary. However, Manu says it was all good, and he’s “sin a lot”. Sadly the barns have been set tonight, not razed. The others love the dessert so, strangely, Zana says it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Scores are Paige and Rosie 9; Mum and Son 9; Zana and Plus One 8; Cougar Town, 8; Cops 7. Total 41/50.

Good to see fair scoring – they were so much more ambitious than the cops.

Judges’ scores: Entree Manu 6, Pete 7; Main Manu 8, Pete 8; Dessert Manu 10, Pete 9.

Curly Sue AKA Laura and her bro are stoked to get the first 10 of the comp, making a total of 89. They are easily safe.

Next time it’s Cougar Town, whose names are Cheryl and Matt and it looks like it is going to be a trainwreck, so  good  viewing.

 

 



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MKR season premiere recap

Ah, MKR. There you are. Where would we be without new reality show cooks to moan about?

Montage and more montage, then Kitchen HQ. How many minutes will it be before someone actually turns on a stove – I’m guessing at least 17.

Manu welcomes the best home “kooks” and says Sydney’s Monique and Sarah are first. Pete does not do much talking – feeling faint from lack of carbs?

The Mt Druitt cops (now that’s a tough gig, so reality TV should be a breeze) start the day right with coffee and pastries. I am liking them already.

Then the paddle boarding, pug-loving one utters the danger phrase: “If we forget anything off that list, this could be devastating for us.” This definitely won’t jinx them because that never happens on MKR.

The judges have a squiz at the menu and don’t have anything particularly nasty to say (kinda hard to be mean about someone whose job is helping victims of domestic violence). The menu is:

Entree: Caramelised onion, roasted beetroot and goat’s cheese tart.

Main: Crispy-skinned salmon with thrice-cooked chips and lemon and dill sauce.

Dessert: Sticky fig and date pudding with white chocolate and coconut rum sauce.

There are three danger phrases here: “crispy-skinned” (hard to achieve when you are amateurs cooking for so many people in a home kitchen; “thrice-cooked chips” (any watchers of MasterChef know contestants always run out of time to deliver on the thricedness of their spuds and instead settle for less posh twice-cooked or, quelle horreur, once-cooked!); and white chocolate, which is not a real chocolate and should be fed only to children who don’t have the palate for the deliciousness that is dark chocolate.

Uh oh – the girls tore their list and can’t remember what’s missing. Luckily they find the scrap of paper on the floor as there are not enough staff to clean up rubbish in this Coles store (or a producer is keeping brooms at bay).

Their instant restaurant is called “Crime and Nourishment”. Wonder if the police theme was pushed upon them – apparently some nice glassware and a few flowers is not entertaining enough for tellie.

It’s tart time. All that beetroot is going to be a pain to peel but at least they have a lovely big oven. The pastry blind baking is not going to plan – more chilling needed, perhaps?

Cut to the guests arriving and Red Lippy Chick is obviously our villainess for the season (although I thought that about Ash last time and she actually turned out to be a bit of a hoot and to have some cooking chops). It is going to be really hard for her to eat without getting a mouthful of her side part.

The girls are still doing prep for the entree and there has been no mention of the fish – let’s hope it’s already pinboned – or dessert. Lippy Chick cements her Evil League of Evil credentials by saying she and hubby are filthy rich lawyers who hate uggerly people. Her soundtrack is Jason Derulo’s “Talk Dirty To Me” and “Maneater” (not the Hall and Oates version, the grindy Nelly Furtado one).Hubby is just a prop in all this.

Poor people smell funny.
Poor people smell funny.

The editors follow this up with footage of normal people, Rosie and Paige from SA (go, home team!). Curly-haired Mitch and sister Laura are the babies at 20 and 18 but they look older.

Back to the tarts … is she not going to trim them? For the love of god, trim the tarts, woman.

Cougar Town, aged 50 and 26, are introduced to the subtle sound of Yello’s “Oh, Yeah … (chick, chicka!)”. Classy. But it’s okay because she’s friends with his mum. The SA chicks confide in confessional that it’s creepy. Yep, SA for the win!

The mum and son from WA are up next … not much memorable here.

Pete and Manu pull up to the strains of Kings of Leon’s “Your Sex is on Fire”. Really, Channel 7? Really? Aren’t we over the “Manu is French and is sooo hot and Pete has twinkly blue eyes” schtick? No, we’re not because after the ad they break out Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love” and some of the female contestants go gaga. Totes embarrassing. Curly Sue starts crying with excitement.

Manu wants them to “raze the barn”. Should he be encouraging arson in front of two police officers?

Lippy Chick sets herself up for future failure by boasting of her tart prowess.

Tart assembly time and the tarts have magically been trimmed. Phew! Uh oh – wooden chopping boards with a balsamic glaze drizzle, so impossible to touch the plate without getting sticky fingers. The serves are large for an entree but at least they’ve dressed the mountain of rocket.  Not much goat’s cheese and no drizzle on the tart itself.

The cameraman whose sole job is to capture shots of the judges chewing finally leaps into action. Ad break and then more of that riveting, expressionless chewing. Uh oh – they’ve gone the glass of water, but  Manu actually likes the flavour, presentation and the pastry. Pete says their nerves got to them – he wanted glaze on the beetroot and more cheese – but it was a decent first shot.

The cops are happy and the guests echo the judges’ comments. Lippy Chick is pulling some awesome “this is gross” faces that she’s been practising in the mirror at home to ensure maximum camera attention. When did she last eat a chip? 2010?

Uh oh, they are having trouble with their skin (called it!).  Manu pops into the kitchen to interrogate them on their chip technique and leaves the mum of four in a puddle of lust on the floor.

It’s salmon time and the chips are now a garnish, not a complement to the fish. Three chips on a raft of salmon swimming in sauce does not fish and chips make. Practise your plating next time, gals. Pete will be happy the dish is mostly protein. The salmon looks a bit over. Manu thinks the sauce needs more love and they are rightly told off for their paucity of potato.

 

Jordan the Son eats like a 14-year-old boy who’s just got home from school.

Dessert time and it’s a wintry one given the summery vibe of their previous dishes.

The guests are getting naughty with the props and if one of the cops lives there for real she is going to have to apologise to the neighbours about the noise. Dessert plating looks fine, with fresh fig to hopefully balance the sweetness of the sauce, of which there is plenty.


Uh oh – Manu says there is too much sauce … whaaat! Oh well, better than not enough. Pete wants more “wow” and a dollop of cream. SA chick: “It’s like the pudding is drowning in the sauce and we need to rescue it.” A sauceboat may have saved them.

Time for scores and I’m expecting the teams to play hardball from the get go.

Lippy Chick and her Plus One: 6

Mum and Son: 6

Curly Wurlies: 6

SA Normals: 6

Cougar Town: 6

It’s 30/50, which is decent. Even Lippy Chick did not want to be the bad guy first up.

Entree: Manu 7, Pete 7

Main: Manu 5, Pete 6 (backing me up on the overcooked salmon – thank you)

Dessert: Manu 7, Pete 6 (seems generous given their comments).

Total score: 68. They should be safe.

Curly Wurlies are up next in Melbourne. See you tomorrow night!

 



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MKR premiere

And here we go again: It’s almost MKR time! Putting this up so those in the eastern states who get it first can start chatting when ready. Here’s a preview that just went up on Twitter of contestants crying over Manu – and that’s before he’s scored their dishes.



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MKR – My Kitchen Rules

How skinny is Pete? Does Manu have enough sauce? This is the place to chat about MKR disasters (remember the bought curry paste?) and triumphs. The new season starts Monday, February 1 on Seven.

So, who is the new judge? There’s a bit of chatter it may be Rachel Khoo. If you watch the new SBS food channel you’ll see her Kitchen Notebook shows.

Here’s the promo (love the dress):

And here’s a link to her website with some photos of her. http://www.rachelkhoo.com/books/rachel-khoos-kitchen-notebook What do you think?

And here are the team blurbs as per the official MKR website (here’s the link https://au.tv.yahoo.com/my-kitchen-rules/teams/#page1). What, only one SA team this year? Are Adelaide cooks holding out for MasterChef?

QLD: Best mates Alex and Gareth are almost each other’s shadows. From Mackay, they live together on the Sunshine Coast and both work in fly in/fly out mining jobs. And these 25-year-olds have both been saving in the hope of chasing a food dream in the near future.

QLD: Hailing from Brisbane, sales/marketing manager Cheryl and student Matt are used to people misinterpreting their relationship. Mum-of-one Cheryl, 50, has been happily dating 26 year-old Matt for the past 18 months and says he won her over with his chicken Caesar salad.

QLD: For Nelly, 25, it was love at first sight when she met her new boss JP, 30. Luckily, after leaving the job love blossomed along with a healthy appreciation of nutritional food. Now “tea obsessed” Nelly wants to wow the MKR dining table with her tea-infused menu along with some help from her beau, who just happens to be the son of a French chef.

VIC: Facebook is to thank for Jessica and Marcos following their food dream and applying for MKR. Childhood friends, they lost touch after Jessica, 30, moved. But these old Sydney school friends reconnected online and discovered their shared love of healthy eating after Marcos, 29, also migrated to Melbourne. Now they’re ready to rattle the competition with their raw and nutritious menus.

VIC: Siblings Mitch, 21, and Laura, 19, may be the youngest cooks in the competition, but you won’t find many teens dishing up offal quite like these pair. Avid fans of nose-to-tail cooking, they are inspired by the great produce surrounding their rural Mornington Peninsular home. Both students, they are yet to decide where their future lies but the lure of the kitchen is hard to resist at times.

VIC: Siblings Tasia, 26, and Gracia, 24, can fight like the best of sisters, but they say it only fuels their passion in the kitchen. After growing up in Indonesia, India and Australia, these homely cooks have very big international influences on their cooking style. Just don’t tell anyone they fear they can’t cook rice without a rice cooker!

VIC: Newlyweds Gianni, 27, and Zana, 24, don’t do things by halves. About to open their own law firm in Melbourne, these high achievers have the MKR title in their sight. And they aim to win it while educating viewers on traditional Montenegrin food.

SA: Mum-of-two Rosie, 37, and best friend Paige, 34, love nothing more than a gossip in the kitchen. There they are happy to experiment with creating flavourful healthy food and with a wine in hand they can “solve the world’s problems”. The next step in their future is a wedding event company for Rosie, and a providore for Paige.

WA: After meeting each other two years ago, Nev and Kell found they shared a passion for food. Nev, 48, a control room attendant, thinks it’s the “duck’s nuts” to be on MKR. No need for prize money, he would’ve done it just for the apron says cleaner Kell, 44.

WA: Anna, 55, was destined to have one of her four sons grow up to be her sidekick in the kitchen and Jordan, 23, is happy to take up the role. Although her young apprentice has a few of his own ideas on making Anna’s traditional Maltese and Italian dishes a tad healthier.

NSW: Workmates Sarah, 26, and mum-of-four Monique, 33, bonded over their love of food in their stressful office. As police officers, work is serious and coming home to cook is a good relaxer for these two.

NSW: Luciano, 49, was one of the first people Martino, 48, met when he moved to Australia 11 years ago. After dancing the night away at Mardi Gras, they became instant friends and began throwing Italian dinner parties showcasing authentic dishes for their lucky friends. Now as they approach 50, they are ready for a big change and cooking just might be the answer.



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