Daisy is kindly doing us a recap for tonight’s MAFS but she’s on WA time, so comment away in the meantime.
And here it is:
Tonight the honeymoon begins. Who will leave toast crumbs in the margarine, the lid off the toothpaste and curly hairs in the bath? Probably not Xavier or Simone.
Before departure, Clare and Jono wake up together. Jono asks Clare if there had been any funny business. Yes Jono, Clare’s comedy routine. In their hotel suite, Xavier and Simone wake up with a rosy morning-after glow. Xavier flashes his pearly whites and we almost see them twinkle. Then all couples head off for their various destinations; Simone and Xavier to Fiji, Jono and Clare to the Northern Territory, Erin and Bryce to Palm Grove in QLD, and Christie and Mark to continue their days of wedded torment in New Caledonia.
In their Fiji resort, Xavier and Simone quickly establish their faily routine, dicuss their compatibility, and negotiate a mutually satisfactory bedmaking method. Now I know this is a set-up because you do not make your own bed in a good resort. These two are like bookends, but cracks start showing when Xavier styles his hair before coming to bed. Meanwhile in the NT, Jono takes the bull by the horns and asks Clare if she likes him. She does, even after she discovers he wants her to take over laundry duties from his mum. And he still likes her, even after she pig snorts. She learnt that laugh from Fugly. Things are firing well for Jono and Clare, and SNAP! They both want kids. Later, Jono and Clare eat cake in bed and Jono reviews his wish list of wifely criteria with Clare. Short- naah! Brunette- naah! But “amazing smile”, “beautiful wyes” and “natural beauty”…tick, tick, tick. I think eating chocolate cake in bed deserves a tick.
In New Caledonia, delusionally hopeful Mark is missing all of Christie’s “It’s not happening” signals. Following Jono’s example….or the film crew’s prompting, he asks Christie if she would have gone for him if she saw him in real life. Well he tries to ask her that because before he gets the words out, Christie jumps in with a prompt, emphatic and resounding. “NO!”. Would you like a bit more time to think about that, Christie? Knowing Christie is scared of horses producers send Mark and Chistie horse riding, and capitalizing on Jono’s fear of crocodiles and all things ending in death, they send Clare and Jono to kayak through dangerous, tidal, croc infested waters. Clare shows Jono her sensitive side by taunting him with crocs and snakes, and does everything in her power to show him that when it comes to wild life, she is the only one of them who has the native gonads, and that he is just a big sookie girl, and thus ensues their first fight. But afterwards, in a beautiful lagoon, beneath a waterfall, they have their first make-up sex. I think I made the last bit up.
The next challenge to hopefully throw some lovebirds off their perch is hot air ballooning for Erin and Bryce, but disappointingly for the film crew, neither Bryce nor Erin are sick, traumatized or required emergency medical treatment. Instead the love birds have a lovely, love-dovey ride. 🐥🐦 Erin and Bryce are really going well.
Back in Fiji, Xavier has styled his hair, ensuring it is suitably raised on top for a day at the beach. He flexes his muscles and uses Simone’s straight body and pointed toes for weight lifting. She matches his bicep strength with her core muscle strength. These two will need another perfect couple for dinner dates because they might annoy flawed people. Xavier and Simone confide their relationship betrayals in each other and SNAP! Another thing they have in common.
Out at sea with Christie (producers were hoping for another bout of sea-sickness and vomitting), Mark still sees promise in his marriage to Christie and flips about in the sea like a seal at Sea World. His underwater antics finally soften Christie’s ice cold heart. Now if only he can translate his aquatic humour to the bedroom. Mark keeps up the charm and the gags back on beach and finally gets rewarded with a bit of kiss and cuddle from Christie in the shallow water. (Now who is that woman who casually swims into shot as the lovers share some aquatic foreplay? That would be like my hubby photo-bombing. “I paid good money for this holiday and no wedding photographer or film crew can ask me to move”).
FF to Mark and Christie as the producers attempt to ff the perception of romance. Room service lady has to hide her eyes as she brings in the breakfast tray. The camera man pans the room for signs of incriminating underwear, but has to settle for focussing on a less incriminating bathrobe cord.
As the honeymoon now draws to a close, couples contemplate what their lives will be like when they return home to set up their nest together. Clare prepares Jono to meet Fugly, Jono attempts to prepare Clare to take over laundry duty. Clare offers Jono a boot up the bum instead. Xavier and Simone discuss their future daily schedules, and Simone is unsettled to discover that Xavier hasn’t pencilled in a onversation with his wife between the gym and hair styling. Christie warns Mark that she probably won’t want to live on a farm. Didn’t the sexperts read ANY of her notes? Gets seasick, doesn’t like horses, wants a ‘cool guy’, and is a city girl.
Next week….. Simone wants Xavier to upset his wardrobe organization, Clare is left making the bed, Erin says, “sh*t”, Clare cries, Xavier styles his hair, Christie’s heart freezes over, and Fugly does Jono’s washing.
Who do you like? Who annoys you? Who will stay together? Will Christie’s Dad sic the Maltese mafia on Mark? Will Jono be able to handle Fugly farts?